T and a chat

If I'm on the T and someone offers me a seat, I'm grateful and pleased. If I'm tired and have a long ride ahead of me, I accept the seat with thanks and a smile. If I'm only going a few stops, I decline with thanks. And a smile. And I'm only 40.

I can't imagine a circumstance where *anyone* would be offended by someone offering them a seat, no matter what their age.

As my sister in Georgia would say: to anyone who gives up their seat on the T "Bless your heart!"

Robin says: Yes, I feel the same way, I'm just happy to get a seat and my ego's not involved! But not everyone does. Streeeetch that imagination! I got a question recently from a woman who offered a seat to a blind woman who went off on a screaming tirade at her!

I always offer my seat to seniors or the disabled, and am almost never rebuffed. On the other hand, I once got into quite an internal dilemma on the B line due to the young woman standing near me as I was in a single seat: I honestly could not tell if she was pregnant or...er, just kind of chunky. It could have gone either way, and I ended up just not even trying.

One morning, I got on the T and a middle aged woman immediately offered me her seat. Being younger, I was confused, but accepted, thinking she must be getting off at the next stop. When I got off the train and realized that I'd put my skirt on both backwards AND inside out, I couldn't help but wonder if the two were connected.....

Anyhow, I too often wonder if I'm offending an elderly gentleman when I offer one my seat but I don't want to pretend I don't see him either.

There are a whole slew of chats and columns that could be mined from T etiquette, especially now that baseball season has begun and rush hour intersects with game time.

My father drove a bus for the T for years, and it was drilled into me that as a healthy young person, I automatically offered my seat to (1) anyone who appeared to be my grandparents' age or older -- respect of the young for the older, regardless of the gender of who's offering or who's being offered the seat; (2) anyone who looked like they might need the seat more than I do -- obviously pregnant women, parents with infants/toddlers, people carrying packages, people whose physical condition might make it hard to stand, etc. They're still my rules for riding the T. I try not to make an obvious display of my offer, the better to allow the person to save face. Mostly, direct eye contact, raised eyebrows and a slight move towards getting up is enough -- especially when other riders are avoiding eye contact.

Robin says: Good on you. I do agree with the "face-saving" maneuver, too.

I always just get up and move away from the seat without formally offering it to the person who I think may need it. I've never seen anyone who didn't need the seat take it.

When I ride the bus, I don't offer anybody my seat based on how old they look, or whether they look pregnant. I offer my seat to anybody who appears to have trouble getting up the steps. That means I generally don't offer my seat to healthy and athletic-looking people with white hair, while I have offered it to a high school student with a bad limp. (And occasionally to people who just looked exhausted, as well as to people with obvious disabilities or encumbrances.) This doesn't work on the subway, but I find it valuable on the bus.