Maybe I don't mean you
In response to my April 20 "My Word," a reader writes:
I am writing regarding the suggestion in "My Word!" that "...it's nice to offer to come early and help set up." It is equally helpful, if the kind offer is kindly declined by the hostess, to not think you know better and show up early anyway. I have a relative that I cannot make understand that showing up an hour (sometimes more) early "to help" is not helpful at all. I've tried hinting and outright stating my preference -- nothing works. I'll keep stating and they will, probably, keep showing up early anyway. Ah, family!
Oh, indeed! And if said relative read the April 20 column, they'll be even more convinced that they are, indeed, doing the right thing.
One of the frustrations/amusements of writing an advice column is knowing that my advice is likely to be taken by exactly the wrong people! People tend to hear advice that reinforces their general tendencies. I know if I write something like, "Sometimes it's necessary to put yourself first" the self-effacing doormats aren't going to hear that--all the selfish gits will, and will feel all the more justified in their selfish gittiness.
And when I say, "Think about how your actions affect others," the selfish gits won't take that to heart--all the people who are already paralyzed with self-consciousness and empathy sickness will.
Not much I can do about that, but perhaps the next time you hear a bit of wisdom from anyone and think it doesn't apply to you, think again.
Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
