Meet the parents
In response to Sunday's question from the young man concerned that his parents would judge his girlfriend negatively because of her (perfectly adequate) table manners, a reader writes:
MY advice to the young man is to not mention it - I am sure there are 499 other rules equally important to the young man's family - and by pointing out one of the rules, she will be nervous, looking for other cues that she might have missed - thus rendering herself unable to "be herself." The young man is far better off to "prep" his parents that there are other cultures in this world!If the family has any class, they will get over it....but the stories will last forever as family lore...trust me, been there and done that!
The young man I brought home to meet my parents (and with whom I recently celebrated our 47th anniversary) grew up on the East coast with slightly different customs...I didn't prep either side - my Midwestern parents managed to keep their critical thoughts to themselves, but my husband-to-be could sense that he was in some mysterious way "out-of-synch" and "choked" on a piece of lettuce so he excused himself & drove home. He still lived with his parents, and they drove him to the ER to be checked out - but it was just nerves.
My very best wishes to all parties in this scenario!!!!!
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
