On meeting celebrities

Meeting celebrities is an awkward thing and I don't think I've ever gotten a handle on it. I have figured out, at least, a working theory for why it's awkward. See if this makes sense to you:

1. To show polite respect for someone, you are supposed to let them talk about themselves rather than talking a great deal about yourself. This is a cultural norm.

2. However, there is also a cultural norm that knowledge is power, and that the more "important" person in an interaction should know more about the less important person than vice-versa. (E.g., your doctor knows more about you than you do about her; teachers know more about their students than their students know about them.) So you are also supposed to show respect by allowing people their privacy.

Now, when you meet a celebrity, by definition you know more about them than they do about you. So the #2 dynamic is unbalanced. But you can't rectify that imbalance, because that would violate rule #1.

You also can't ignore their celebrity and just start talking about the weather or baseball, because that would imply that 1) either you are culturally sub-par and don't know who this person is, or 2) that you disapprove of them and are trying to politely ignore that which they are best known for. "Yes, I am aware that you are Josh Groban, but it seems politer not to mention it." So you can't do that without insulting either the famous person or yourself.

Complimenting them on their accomplishments can also be frustrating. I'm certainly always happy when people say they enjoy my column, but I wonder if they feel that I'm not taking them as seriously as I ought to? And it's possible I'm not, because I don't know who they are. If I were, say, to meet Michael Emerson, the incomparable actor who plays Benjamin Linus on "Lost," I would of course praise his work. But I'd want him to know that I have a degree in theater, and have worked in the business, and I know good acting when I see it and I'm really a very critical person and I get what he's doing on a much deeper level than just "Oooh, you're creepy but also kind of funny." But of course I can't turn a compliment to someone else into a rodomontade about my own accomplishments and finely honed sensibilities.

So what on earth do you say to them? I still haven't figured it out, nor have I figured out, if and when I myself become famous (face on a bus!), how to make the situation more comfortable for others.

This is probably why I always loved "The Chris Farley Show" sketch on "Saturday Night Live." Chris's interviewing technique consisted mainly of asking celebrities if they remembered particular things they'd done (lyrics they'd sung, movie scenes they'd done), then announcing "That was really cool" and immediately smacking himself on the forehead and berating his own stupidity

UPDATE: Fillyjonk of Shapely Prose has no problem! She writes, "I've found with the celebrities that I've met that I end up talking about the same things I talk to anyone else about -- food, alcohol, family, politics. Probably in that order. After of course establishing that I am a fan. If I want to be sneaky and let them know that I am a fan because I have a more sophisticated understanding than all their other rube fans, I will sneak in something like 'So how do you feel about fans who only like you because x, and not because y?'" Way to go, FJ!