Games people play
A reader writes in with further advice for Anonymous in Boston, who is irritated by her obsessively neat friend:
It appears that (Anon) and her friend (F) are in a dance that is not helpful to Anon. To preserve the friendship, I suggest some new steps for Anon.Anon should plan for F's next visit by deliberately leaving some things out of line or in the wrong place or not picked up, etc. Anon then makes a list of what she's done and keeps it to herself. During F's visit Anon makes sure she (Anon) notes what F has done. After the visit, Anon grades F and keeps the list and her score to herself, of course.
For the next visit, Anon can do different and even more difficult misplacements to test F's competency. Again, Anon gives F a score, with bonus points if F fixes something that Anon had not purposely messed up. Each subsequent visit Anon messes up different things and keeps score. Maybe for the third and subsequent visits, Anon might predict F's score before F's visit to see how good she (Anon) is at knowing her friend.
This new way of playing the Dance of the Visit may free Anon from feeling annoyed and offended and equalize the power between the two friends, as well as giving Anon some fun along the way.
My advanced degree was in Family Therapy.
Love it.
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
