What not to wear
Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, which means I won't be posting, and which also means I am faced with my annual dilemma: what to wear on Yom Kippur?
This isn't your average fashion problem. Let me explain. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement, the day that we renounce physical pleasures and luxuries--like food--and draw closer to God. We contemplate our mortality, and ask forgiveness for our sins. It's not one of your more upbeat holidays. Traditionally, we abjure leather shoes (as a sign of luxury and comfort) and wear all white (which in Judaism is the color associated with death), and don't groom ourselves any more than hygiene demands (no makeup or hair gel).
Yom Kippur is, however, one of the two Big Holidays in the Jewish calendar. Just as there are Christmas & Easter Catholics, there are Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur Jews. And these folks like to dress up, at least at my synagogue.
So do I follow the norms of religious law and tradition, and dress down, or do I follow the norms of my particular community, and dress up? This is also complicated by the fact that I don't own white clothing, for marinara-related reasons, and buying new clothes for YK is very much contra the spirit of the day.
(It's not only Reform Jews who face fashion problems on YK. Because of the no-leather-shoes rule, Crocs have become increasingly popular in Orthodox synagogues. However, you can hardly deny that Crocs are more comfortable than leather shoes, and the spirit of the law is to avoid comfort, even if the letter is to avoid leather. So what to do?)
The thing is, modesty is a relative term. If my community norm is to dress up, am I not flaunting by aggressively dressing down? And whatever I wear, shouldn't I be primarily focused on prayer and forgiveness, and not on clothes? This year, I think, I'll split the difference. I'll wear a denim skirt and a long-sleeved top and ballet flats: neither holier- nor chicer-than thou, and comfortable enough to ignore. No jewelry, no makeup. We'll see how that goes.
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
