A good gift

The gift of time spent with someone special. Reading together, visiting, pulling weeds in their garden, taking a walk, going out for breakfast or arranging to show up with a the fixings. More important than the time is the gift of listening, really listening to what they have to say, making the time about them and not about self. Gift is with a hand-made certificate and be open about when it can be redeemed. Times are tight in business... can you afford to let your employees take a day off with pay? Half-day? Come in late some morning? Bring them bagels and juice and sit around and talk about non-business matters? They'll feel like you really care.

The best gift idea I've had is in the realm of kids birthday presents. As the mother of an elementary student, we get invited to LOTS of parties and it's hard to know what each birthday boy/girl is "into". And I also really HATE to add to the pile of primary-colored-plastic-cheapo-toys that make up the bulk of most birthday gifts (but I'm not willing to spend over $15 - max! - on any one gift). So when my son was about 4, I hit upon the idea of selecting a "gift of the year". I put some thought into a gender-neutral, hopefully somewhat educational (and resolutely NOT TV-themed), age-appropriate toy that I would buy for every birthday boy/girl. At 5, it was a small viewmaster with discs chosen for the individuals interests (jungle animals, dinos, etc). At 6 it was a kids wristwatch (analog please!) since they all seem to be leaning to tell time at that age (timex has a nice selection that are only in the $8 - 10 range). This year is the 8's and I've been buying $10 gift cards to a book store (local independent, if there's one in the birthday kids town). The kids seem to like having their own "credit card" to use and parents definitely like having one less toy around!

The gifts that have meant the most to me are tools for doing something new, that require a little something of me (is that breaking MC rule number 2?). A loom started me weaving, and that has changed my life. Or even something like an Ipod that makes long drives easier, that revolutionized how many times I was willing to drive and see family! I appreciate gifts that I use every single day, it inspires a lot of gratitude. And bring on the houseplants! I love things that are hand-made, because like Penny said, it's the gift of someone's time. Money you can always make more of.

I don't like giving gifts just for the sake of recognition of gift-giving duty. (But then, I'm the girl who never, ever wants a diamond ring, either, so I'm clearly not the norm). I told a very dear friend this year that I hadn't gotten her a gift beacuse I couldn't find what felt absolutely right, and I wasn't just going to spend money for the sake of appearances, that she meant more to me than that. Then of course within an hour after I told her this, the perfect gift turned up, neener neener on me. Of course I wrapped it right up and handed it off.

At 90, my mother is mainly interested in getting rid of stuff rather than acquiring it. For the last several years, we have obtained tickets to a musical comedy at a theater near where she lives and have taken her out to a restaurant as well. This spreads out the enjoyment, giving her something to look forward to after Christmas is over.

Robin says: I am a big fan of giving experiences instead of goods for people of all ages!

I think gift giving has gotten out of hand. Giving gifts to co-workers, bosses, and doormen has created detritus which just adds to environmental waste. I think if you truly want to show your appreciation for an acquaintance, a thoughtful card that honestly expresses your appreciation demonstrates much more thought and effort than a perfunctory gift. My former boss gave jugs of maple syrup to every staff member two years in a row. I appreciated the gift of maple syrup as it was intended, a recognition of the holiday season and my contribution to the office. However, a thoughtful message would have done the same thing (and it also wouldn’t have involved finding someone who could actually use a jug of syrup. Twice.) If a gift must be given fancy food, chocolate, or wine are my standbys. What is especially nice is some great bread, or really good fresh fruit, anything that won’t necessarily add to the waste line. If the receiver doesn’t like them, finding someone who does should be easy-- As long as it’s not a large Econo-sized container of food which you only use in small doses. (Such as a jug of maple syrup).

Robin says: Maple syrup is good in tea or yogurt instead of honey. And in hot milk. You can glaze meat with it or use it for a kick of sweetness in a stir-fry, and I bet if you had some rum, you could invent a great cocktail. Just saying, in case the Syrup Fairy descends upon you again this year.

Here's something NOT to do:
Don't give someone a gift that handily sends the message "I don't actually know anything about you, I'm just doing this for form."
For example, if you haven't bothered to take the time to find out whether someone drinks or not, don't give them alcohol. (This used to happen to a former coworker of mine, repeatedly. This particular parent didn't actually believe him when he tried to tell her he didn't drink!) A fancy meat and cheese basket for a vegan says nothing so much as "I know nothing about you! Nor do I care!" A thoughtful donation to a charity someone would never support themselves is not thoughtful at all. Etc.

If you find yourself needing or wanting to give a gift to someone you really don't know enough about to give a proper gift, don't give them something fake-generic, give them something actually generic like a gift card. Better to be impersonal than insultingly clueless.

My favorite gift story of 2008 comes courtesy of a friend whose mother turned 70. Frustrated at her mother's usual response of "Oh, just a card would be nice." to her query of "What would you like for your birthday?", my friend, Michelle, took her mother at her word. Michelle emailed everyone she knew, asking them to send her mother a birthday card and note in the signature how they knew Michelle or the family. The mother received a few dozen cards and was overjoyed at the love expressed through her daughter.

I can't say I've gotten anything from my husband or kids, parents or inlaws that says "I really thought about you". I remember getting a pair of earrings from my husband which seemed pretty nice but then when he told me he bought them the day of our anniversary on his way home from work at the only store that was still open (way overpriced), they became ugly to me. The thought behind them was his guilt, not my pleasure. I wasn't expecting a gift and would have preferred no gift at all to that. I would have been much happier if he had said, "Things are really busy at work right now but let's pick a weekend night and we'll cook a nice dinner together and open a bottle of wine to celebrate our anniversary".

One of the best gifts I've ever received was from a (now former) significant other. He and I met at a construction field school, and for my birthday nearly a year later, he bought me a tool belt and some of the tools we'd used in that class. His friends told him he was insane and would be in the doghouse for giving me tools, but it was perfect. The gift was about us, which is what you want from an SO (or what I want, at least), and was very personal. I still have most of the tools and the tool belt (and still use both), and think fondly of that time, even though we don't speak anymore.

And hugs for Cordelia. That story made me very sad.

Time is a good gift; as it can create memories that long outlast material things. I have given "time" to new parents or those with children for example, allowing them time together as a couple while I mind the homestead for them. A good housewarming gift for someone who's just moved or purchased their first home is an afternoon of painting or hanging up pictures.

I won't say I haven't gotten good presents before, but I'd never trade them for some of my memories.

with her f

I got my best gift of the year on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

I got home very, very late from a rehearsal. It was cold. I was tired. The rehearsal had been two hours away, so there was a lot of driving involved, but the music was great.

When I got home, I found that my husband had dug up our heating pad, plugged it in and put it under the covers on my side of the bed, so that I wouldn't have to get into cold sheets.

And when I got into the car Thursday evening to go to yet another rehearsal, I discovered that he'd filled the gas tank.

My gift was the knowledge that I have the best husband ever. :-)

My favorite gifts to give are useless treasures. Small, hand-crafted articles made of wood, glass, beads, etc. I bring my list to Whippoorwill (or some other store like that), find things I love and then look on my list to see who would enjoy that item as much as I would. I've even kept a few for myself :)

It makes gift-giving really special for me. People can buy their own sweaters and purses. I have no idea what size they are or what they like. But everyone, especially women, loves to receive something they can treasure for many years no matter that they can't eat it or wear it.

Honestly, as my grandparents have gotten older I get a lot of plastic junk from QVC. Which is odd, because before I used to get gifts that made a lot more sense. Now I get light up rubiks cubes that I have to stow away or yard sale.

I love my grandparents, and at my age, I'm sooooo thrilled that I have all my biological grandparents, but I wish they'd do other things with the money--even charity would be nice or just practical items. I myself am not a knick knack person and like items I can use everyday and think about who gave them to me.

One of the best things my grandmothers could give me would cost no money...a recipe box with all their recipes in it so that I can continue to cook in their memory would be wonderful, for example.

Dear all, a few comments. Penny R., loved your suggestion about pulling weeds - see you in April! No, it's in fact a great idea. R.S., oh, my goodness, maple syrup is the most expensive thing in the grocery store. My kids argue for it, and I fork over $9 for a tiny bottle which they drown their waffles in in a day - be glad or regift!! Cordelia, my husband sometimes hits but mostly misses. I quit worrying about it and value him for himself --- but DO NOT think that I do not COMPLETELY get what you are saying. This is especially hard for those of us who try to make gifts special.

Oh, I thought of another example of a good gift: this is kinda like what was said before about the real part of the gift being someone doing the work for you to get you something you want (like Mr. Improbable researching the GPS).
So one year my husband gave me a pair of earrings. They're nice earrings, but not OMG!AMAZING!WOW! earrings, just nice earrings. But they were a wonderful gift, because in order to get them he actually managed to track down an artist who used to be local, from whom I had bought a few pairs of earrings at various fairs and commented that I loved just about everything she made, but who had kinda disappeared. Well, he did the work to find out she had moved to another state, changed the spelling of her business name, but was in fact still making earrings and would be happy to mail some to me for my gift. Him finding her again was really at least half the gift, so that was cool.

I also really like the idea of giving time or experiences. I'm a big fan of things like taking a person out for dinner for their birthday.

The best gifts I have received show that the giver has paid some attention to my tastes and style: not just any bottle of red, but the varieies I order in a restaurant (and never white!), scentless candles because I'm allergic to strong aromas, etc. The most impressive gift was the stunning necklace which my boyfriend of 3 weeks gave me for Christmas. It was my taste exactly, even though he'd never seen me wear anything like it. I wore it at our wedding!

I agree with # 5 & 6 -- the "token" impersonal gifts are the worst. I am a (female) computer tech aide who works with a few (male) teachers and spend several periods a day, 183 days a year with them. We know a lot about each others' families & interests, yet every year they each present me with the very special gift of -- lottery tickets! So first of all, I hate gambling (we've discussed the legalization of gambling several times). And I especially hate scratch tickets (SO messy, a lot of effort, very little satisfaction). And what says "I picked up your gift while I was buying cigarettes" more than scratch tickets! I know a gift really isn't necessary, but if they want to give me a little something, how about a fast food gift card, a candle, or something else that I won't be throwing away before I leave the building! (btw I've never won a dime. But I wonder -- would I like them more if I had won?)