Response to "Feuding in-laws"
Last Monday's question from a soon-to-be married couple trying to diplomatically manage acrimoniously divorced parents brought some good and compassionate responses. The very first entry, from Liza (go read the whole thing) was roundly considered to have Won the Internets, and rightly so. Liza gave concrete suggestions, with the overall message that
The basic idea is to throw this back in their laps so that you are no longer responsible for their comfort -- they are responsible for yours and that of your other friends and relatives. But the caveat is to convey the message in a loving and kind way.
Here's the keys to the column, Liza. I'm going to go off to Burning Man for a while.
A few commenters shared their own stories. I bet this was a real horror show:
"A moronic DJ at a wedding (after explicity advised not to do this) decided to try to get the divorced parents of the wedding party to dance."
I hate to bash on an entire profession, but I do NOT trust wedding DJs. I have seen way too much of this kind of thing in my day. If you have Big Tony waiting outside the VFW Hall ready to break your DJ's knees if he disobeys your slightest wish, and the DJ knows this, then you can trust your DJ.
A big reason I wanted to put this question up was to challenge the way we talk about brides. We like to rip on brides and tell horror stories about "bridezillas." But for every over-the-top bridezilla who swallows whole the mythology of the wedding-industrial complex, there are scores of kind, loving bride-chillas who are doing all they can--and in this case, a lot more than they should have been asked to--to make their special day a happy one for everybody.
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
