Miss Conduct responds: Party wreckage

Last Monday's question took on the complicated tale of a host who found his garbage disposal broken at the end of a party. (Randy Cohen, "The Ethicist" for the New York Times, dealt with a similar damage issue in this Sunday's column, for those who are interested.)

I agree with everyone who said that the three-week delay between the party and the e-mail to friends announcing the broken appliance is highly suspicious. That's the part that leaped out to my mystery-novel-reading self, too. One of the frustrations/amusements of being an advice columnist is that you never really know what you're responding to. I'm sure I've given advice to people that I would never give if I could actually see all the facts on the ground myself. (It took me a while to come to grips with that. ) And what, precisely, is the evidence that the disposal was broken by a glass, and that the damage happened on the night of the party? Several folks pointed out other fishy issues about the plumbing (does it really cost $500 for a new disposal? does a glass damage a disposal that badly?), which I'm not kitchen-savvy enough to evaluate. (La Cucina Improbable lacks not only a disposal, but a microwave, dishwasher, coffee-maker, icemaker, and cabinets. If it weren't a huge pain to entertain guests in such a prehistoric kitchen, it would be mightily convenient, as I don't really have anything they could break.)

Enough forensic science. Let's decide to take the host at his word for what happened. The host's choice to bill his friends for $35--not cool. Some folks felt that since the LW had already volunteered to chip in, they were obligated to pony up the full $35. Not so. You're not obligated to buy someone a wedding present off their registry, either, especially if all the items on there are outside your budget. (You're not obligated to buy a wedding present at all, but you know what I'm saying.)

Most of the people who were on the host's side on this (Noel's "The host's faux pax pales in comparison to the faux pas of your fellow party-goer, who broke something, didn't clean it up, and is too cowardly to admit to it" sums up this POV well), are assuming that the glass-breaker knows who they are. But I'm not sure that's necessarily the case. As several people pointed out, if the sink and counter was filling up with empty glasses, a glass could have broken or slid into the disposal without anyone noticing.

Another unanswered question is whether the host owned or rented. If he's an owner, and fixing the disposal or not is at his discretion, then I think his rudeness is compounded. You can live quite easily without a disposal. (It's not even on the top five list of things I'd like to have in La Cucina Improbable.) So he's not in a financial emergency.

But the bottom line on this question might not be one of ethics or etiquette but engineering, as it so often is: get renters'/homeowners' insurance, and use plastic glasses when you entertain.