Response to "Offering language help"

Last Monday, we looked at the question of offering unsolicited language help to a non-native speaker. A tricky bit of business with this letter is that the LW wasn't clear on whether her Japanese friend was also a co-worker, or was simply a friend. I'd be more inclined to offer advice in the case of a co-worker friend, because in a work environment we're all somewhat responsible for each others' performance, and it's also much easier to offer criticism in a way that feels objective and not personal. A couple of posters mentioned that they'd become the "language person" in their workplace, officially or unofficially, to whom others (either non-native speakers or native speakers without strong writing skills) went for help. In my experience, sooner or later there always is someone who emerges as the person you want to have proof your stuff, whether it's part of their official job or not. (Then again, in my experience, that person is me, so perhaps this is not as ubiquitous an experience for everyone else.)

Criticizing/helping someone's speech and writing are also two different things, and in general, I think the more you can avoid doing the former, the better. Criticizing speech not only feels invasive (speech is a part of us in a way that our writing isn't) but invariably interrupts the flow of a conversation. Cat S offered a potential solution for that:

One option with spoken language is to do what a host "mom" did for me in France - when I made an error, she would repeat what I said back to me ("Oh, so you need to go to the store?") but correctly. I would be able to hear the difference in how I said it and how she did and make the change. It was better than having someone constantly stop the flow of conversation to interject a correction - which would then have to be acknowledged and cause you to lose your train of thought.

Correcting pronunciation, as opposed to grammar, can be done quickly and without disruption, too. I sometimes mispronounce words that I learned through books rather than conversation, and Mr. Improbable is very good at repeating it, correctly, in a way that doesn't actually interrupt me. (My thanks to the non-native-speaker ex-girlfriend who taught him how to do this!)

Ash asked a good question:

I wonder if what you should do with your Japanese friend should be what you would do with an American friend with bad grammar and spelling. I've spoken to people who are native English speakers who have worse grammar than many non-Native speakers. Would you correct their grammar or spelling?

A good question to consider, but ultimately the situations are different. An adult native speaker who still can't write or speechify proper-like either has some kind of learning disability, or just doesn't care about language, and in either case, there's no point you trying to stage some kind of intervention. A non-native speaker who is having difficulty is probably having difficulty because of their situation, not their innate capacity or competence.

Todd Beaulieu made the common-sense recommendation:

I'd ask her if she'd like revisions to future emails. "Sometimes I see mistakes that I could help you with, if you're interested. Just let me know if you'd like for me to review something for you." You've made the offer and the ball's entirely in her court. If she comes to you for help, you can go nuts.

--but I'd seriously hesitate on that "go nuts" thing. I'll go to town on something that I'm editing, for sure, but if you're trying to improve the writer, not just the document, keep in mind that people can only learn so much at a time. If you're critiquing their spelling AND their use of gender-specific pronouns AND their prepositions AND their vocabulary they are going to be overwhelmed and not take in any information.

I'd asked if there might be cross-cultural issues with offering help, and JoGeek pointed out a tricky one:

One thing to be prepared for is a hard to recognize No. My experience is with a few young people from Japan, but they would still typically not give a direct "no" to a request from a friend or associate in order to not offend. They might, for example, say "I would never ask you to put yourself through so much trouble", or "I appreciate your offer, and will certainly consider it". As Americans we'd probably assume the person wants your help but is reluctant to admit it. If one of the Japanese students I know said that, it would mean, "No thank you," and I would not bring it up again unless I was asked directly for help or had some unmistakable indication that they had changed their mind.

I'm not a scholar of these differences, but what I do know about Japanese versus American communication styles absolutely backs this up, and I'd follow that advice. Whirled Peas went even further:

Japan has a culture of honor; in general, it's bad form for someone to ask for help. You could offer, but frame it in a different way: say that you need to hone your own grammar skills and assisting with hers will actually help you, you'd like to gain tutoring experience for your own professional development, etc. If you can propose help in a way that won't compromise her honor, there may be a better chance of her accepting and not being embarrassed about it.

Hmm. In general I'm a fan of the "you're doing me a kindness by letting me help you" move, especially if it's true, but that seems really transparent to me. I'm not sure I'd go down that route ... unless, as noted, it were also true.

A professional ESL teacher (that's the person's handle, not my description) gave a particularly nice point of practical advice:

What you're going to be doing is "modeling" correct English, rather than explaining it. Unless you're a trained ESL teacher, don't try to explain the differences. You'll get lost. Also, English grammar isn't explained to non-English speakers the way it is to native English speaking kids. Your explanations, while well-intentioned, may just confuse her.

Very true--except that she leaves out that you'll probably wind up confusing yourself, as well! English is a wonderful, expressive, creative language--but hardly a logical one.

So there we go. Focus more on writing than on speech; offer help but be sensitive to a subtle rejection; don't overwhelm the person with information or explanations.