Monday SUGGESTION: Thoughtful gifts

A gift that is always a hit with my friends and family is a contribution to their or my favorite charity. Some charities like Dana-Farber have cool greeting cards or ecards that go out immediately. The gift for someone that has everything!

For New Englanders, boxes of fruit from Florida or Texas to be delivered in January, February and March can add bright spots to an otherwise dreary season. It's a bit pricier than the local supermarket but the quality (taste) is usually better and the gift seems more exotic and decadent.

This is the perfect time to stop the gift exchange that you've been doing with casual friends or distant relatives. The economy is a perfect justification.

Dear Sue: Would it be okay with you if we stop our Christmas gift exchange? Let's get together in January for a glass of wine to celebrate making it through another holiday season! Love, Mary

I've eliminated all gifts that require mailing, grown-up nieces and nephews, and we've instituted a Yankee swap for hubby's huge family. Christmas is SO much more enjoyable now that I don't have to buy gifts for 30 people. No one was upset, hurt, or disappointed to stop the mutual gift giving, as far as I know.

For the past 10 or so years, my gift to my elderly dad has been donations to the Globe Santa, the Salvation Army, the USO, etc.

For children, give them an outing instead of a toy. It doesn't have to be fancy - a trip to the zoo, a movie, or even just to come over and bake cookies or play a game. We've asked relatives to do this the past few years and it has been a huge hit - with everyone. The memories are worth so much more than any toy.

For adults, consider a home-cooked meal. Obviously you need to consider your own skill, as well as any food allergies and preferences, but who wouldn't appreciate a nice dish in the freezer to pull out on a crazy day?

Along the same lines as the original suggestion, you might arrange for a couple of hours of handy-man attention each month to do things such as cleaning gutters, changing "up high" light fixtures and other similar tasks. Whether for an elderly relative or one who works long hours, that could be a very thoughtful gift.

Maria, I'm sure my Globe Overlords would be very pleased with you! (Hee.)

I've started doing cookie baking dates at the start of the holiday season with close friends who have kids rather than exchanging gifts for them. They all get so much already, and rather than adding another shopping item to our list, it gives us a guaranteed day together during the season. :)

In large extended families with individual families with younger kids, it's always nice for Mom and Dad to have a night out to themselves. Offer to take your sister's/brother's/cousin's/friend's kids for an overnight or a weekend away (at your house) and give the kids the a treat away from home and the parents a quiet night to do with what they please. I would love that kind of gift!!

Since two people in my extended family are unemployed, and since we are trying to be more "green", we've instituted a nothing new policy for Christmas and birthdays.
The rule is that we can give each other something we make, or regift something we already have (such as a book we really like or a movie we think the other person will like). Used items purchased from a thrift store are also acceptable.
It's been really great because it's forced us all to think about the person, instead of the gift. And it's reduced our impact on the environment by reusing things instead of buying new.
We've also spent more time together as a family as a result. This fall, we spend the long holiday weekend making homemade apple butter and spiced pears for our friends from fruit in our yard! This winter, we'll make cookies and bread.
At first, the younger kids balked, but now they look forward to it!

Home-baked cookies/other treats, very small gift exchange ($5 or less per person), donations to charity, and helping people clean their houses.

The last one was a gift that two friends and I gave to one of my friend's mothers. She had gotten surgery, and so the day of the evening she was due home, we got together and cleaned as much of the house as we could, excluding a couple rooms we weren't allowed to touch (like the office). It felt great to do that for her.

Some friends who are as equally cash-strapped as I am have agreed that an outing is the best solution. We've agreed to pick a date, carve it in stone (death, dismemberment or dental work are the only excuses) and we'll go to a museum exhibit or get discount tickets to a show and then go to dinner.

We have agreed to to a dollar limit, however we have also agreed that nosebleed seats and McDonalds are not acceptable.

I like the idea of giving a service as a gift to an elderly relative. My hesitation comes from knowing how to go about arranging it. If you give a gift of snow removal, how would that work? Do you call a service for the entire season? Would you pay for it just once and if so, which one time? Do you raise expectations of repeats if you do this sort of thing? Also, in this trying economic time, can we ourselves afford this kind of gift? I'm finding it hard to see the limitations on money and responsibility. Sometimes a sweater is just easier; more finite...... (big sigh)......

Please no clothing regifts. If you thought it was ugly, chances are the person you give it to will agree. Give it to charity instead.

The nonprofit foundation New American Dream (http://www.newdream.org/) often writes about ways to reduce consumerism, and they have a page on alternative gifts and how to set up registries for alternative gifts (recycled) for baby showers etc:

http://www.alternativegiftregistry.org/why.php

Economy notwithstanding, I've had a hard time finding gifts for my seventy-something mother -she already has everything!

My solution is to give her my time. I give her a Christmas card with a day designed for the two us us sketched out inside. Spa day, shopping day, day hanging out together.

With a busy schedule, it's almost as costly as a gift, but tends to be much more appreciated.

Cab vouchers. A lot of cab companies offer them and they're a great gift for an elderly relative that can no longer drive themselves around but would still like a measure of independence. Before my Nonna moved into assisted living, this was what my father and his siblings would get her. And she loved it.

I like subscriptions (Netflix, the New Yorker, I suppose your overlords would be happy to hear the Globe in there as well). Something tailored to the person's interests and personality. It's the gift that (literally) keeps on giving!

The BF and I give everyone canned jars of homemade applesauce. Just as thoughtful as homemade cookies and much less sugar. ;)

Instead of buying, signing, stamping, and sending holiday cards, take the money you would spend and donate it to your local animal shelter. Use some of the time saved to find an apporpriate free e-card on-line to send to your usual card recipients. Meow, woof, and happy holidays!

I like the snow-removal idea, and would also suggest the similar leaf-raking gift idea (obviously, in this area, not as a winter holiday gift, but maybe for a birthday that falls around this time of year).

Regarding another poster's query about how to manage this, you could arrange for a local snow-removal person/company to attend to the person's house if, say, the snow was 2+ inches; or have them shovel only the walk/stairs if the snow is 1-3 inches, and anything more than that have them do the driveway, or whatever parameters you think make sense.

For those looking for gifts for elderly family members, here are my old tips. I would try to stay in tune with my grandmother's daily life. When she was still able to drive locally, I would get her gift certificates to her preferred drug or grocery store. When she mainly just stayed home, I would get her a large supply of duck food, as feeding her visiting friends was a big highlight for her. When she moved into assisted living, I got her gift certificates for the in-house beauty salon or a nice bright new piece of clothing as she started comparing her clothes to her neighbors' and I thought maybe some cheerful clothes would help her feel cheerful. But most importantly, I got these ideas from visits, as I knew the visits are what she wanted most. And we tried to prepare a little something for the visit, like bringing a wedding album or stories of the great grand children or a drive along the coast.

My elderly folks are on a fixed income and when the Globe jacked the Sunday Globe price to $5 (obscene!) they had to cancel their delivery. It's a shame since they really enjoyed the paper and kind of built their Sundays around it. I will be giving them the Sunday Globe this year for as long as I can afford it.

I know this is not the proper forum for this but Robin, if you can let the folks at the paper know that the combination of severe content cutback AND huge price increases has really devalued the paper in many peoples' minds.

I've cooked meals that can be frozen and reheated readily as gifts, sized for the number of people likely to eat them. A couple of small pans of lasagna or meatloaf that can lurk in the back of the freezer till needed are appreciated twice -- once when received, and once when eaten.

Thanks for doing this piece! For several years, my family has been gifting charitable donations at the holidays. Heifer International is one of our favorites. We've bought chickens, goats, bee hives, etc. for families in developing countries -- $25 goes a long way! Contributing to microfinance banks is another way a small gift can make a big difference. Once you start looking, it's amazing how many organizations are out there doing work that is relevant to whoever your intended recipient is. After Katrina, for example, I donated to the American Library Assoc. fund for rebuilding libraries in New Orleans on behalf of my librarian sister.

We have also faced the same challenges, mentioned in some of the comments, arranging services as gifts for my elderly mother, who is of limited means and lives in a different state. We've had very good luck finding good service people using Craig's List in her town. The folks who advertise there tend to be approachable, reasonably priced, and flexible. Most cities and towns also have resource centers for the eldery and many of these places maintain referral lists of approved contractors and service people.

Last year, we gave my in-laws a book of movie tickets for the new theater that opened up in their town. They had stopped going out to the movies (something they used to do regularly) when it got too "expensive," and they thoroughly enjoyed several guilt-free matinees.

For those of you who are suggesting day trips or spending time together, don't undervalue the library! A Boston Public Library card can get you free passes to the Museum of Science, Museum of Fine Arts and other fun places around the city if you call your local branch and book it a few weeks in advance (they have 1 pass per library per day). Most of the passes cover 2-4 people but I've always been able to call around and find passes at a couple different branches for the day when I want to go. Then it's an even cheaper outing but you still have the great memories.

Two ideas: 1) give a booklet of coupons or gift card to a car wash that's convenient/local to the giftee. 2) Do a post-holiday Regifting Yankee Swap. I've done a couple of these and they've been lots of fun. You can regift something you just received for Xmas (not clothes though) or something in good shape that you have at home but no longer use (or never used). As they say, one man's trash. . .

Here is a product packaged in the usa that made my kids Birthday Party a huge success. Its called the TickleMe Plant Party favor. In it you can grow a real Plant that moves when you Tickle It! The leaves instantly fold and even the branches droop when Tickled! You have to see the video and grow your own to believe this is real. I found it at http://www.ticklemeplant.com Use coupon code HOLIDAY for a $2.00 discount.

A gift I've given to some friends and family when they've relocated is a year's membership to some local attraction (zoo, aquarium, museum, etc) to get them acclimated to the new town. I think that would be great for the holidays, too. I think about my friends with kids who can't do as much because an outing day costs so much, and this can help them year round! I also enjoy the "Zoodoption" you can do at the New England zoos, where the donation is made, but the named recipient gets a gift package and info about the animal adopted.

I have, for many years while I was a jobless high school or college student, baked for my many relatives at Christmas. A day or two of hard work, and you can get three or four types of cookies to put in packages. It's great because you can vary the size based on the number in the family you're making it for, and you can make kid-friendly cookies as well as more adult types for families with kids.

This year, as a college grad with multpile loans coming due and a part-time job, I'm experimenting with making drawer sachets.from fabric and various fragrant substances (pine, eucalyptus, bay leaves, lavender, etc.) I have some myself and I love them because they keep my drawers smelling fresh. They're not hard to sew (by machine or by hand), and they're even something that kids could do if they wanted to make special presents for their family members!

I like to give newspaper subscriptions to the person's original hometown newspaper (Quincy Sun in my case). It is nice to hear what is going on in the old neighborhood plus you get to support local newspapers.

I disagree slightly with the 'no regifting unworn clothes' thing - a friend gave me a sweater that was an awful color for her, but was a fabulous color for me. I got one of those embroidered holiday vests as a gift, and gave it to a friend who genuinely loves them. I think that *if* it's done with the taste of the recipient in mind, it's OK. We all have different tastes - I wouldn't give something I think is ugly to a friend who shares my taste, but wouldn't hesitate to give it to a friend who I am certain would adore it.

I find that anything hand made, no matter what the perceived value, are the most successful gifts I have ever given. This can be anything from clothes, hand made paper cards, jewelry (beaded or otherwise), jams/jellies, and the like.

Also the 'coupon' idea where someone offers to take kids for an evening, or other activity works as well. I once gave my brother a christmas gift of 8 hours of my IT / Accounting support time for his new company. It was appreciated and redemmed almost immediately.

One year I gave my grandmother a pizza party--I asked for a pizza box from a local shop, then filled it with paper plates, napkins, utensils, and an envelope with the pizza "dough" for ordering pizza. It was a great excuse for her to have one of her favorite things to eat and to invite over some people to share it with, at a time when it was too difficult for her to prepare meals for company.

Last year I gave a "Birthday in a Box", which provides supplies for a birthday party to a kid in a homeless shelter, to 2 older women I generally buy something for. They don't need things, and appreciated the thought. I also like to take money I would have used to buy presents for my late parents and donate to Globe Santa, since unlike many charities, 100% of the proceeds go to buying toys for kids.

I'm all for giving a gift card or service to someone, anyone really. Renew a subscription for them, pay for a service they enjoy, pick a favorite restaurant. We all have enough "stuff!

Regarding gifting to charities, I think this only works if you are certain the person already supports the particular charity. It's something I would never assume for them.

I have given frozen meals as well-received gifts before. Look up "Once a Month Cooking (OAMC)" and you'll find a wealth of recipes that enable you to cook just one day and create an entire freezer full of meals for a month. This is my favorite gift to give to new parents.

Here is a simple idea for the elderly: offer to come in and change all the batteries in the smoke detectors. Make it a yearly event.

When my kids were little, grandma recorded hours and hours of stories - some of them read from favorite books; most of them either from her own childhood, or just made up by herself and her imagination. Meanwhile grandpa has gotten handy with the scanner and each year for xmas gives us all a CD containing old family photos.

I love Melissa's Green ideas. Along similar lines, think plants, or seeds.

YakTrax's (ice grips that go over your shoe so you don't slip) make excellent gifts ... not too expensive... gave those to mother-in-law so she could continue walking her dog and not have to worry about slipping and breaking her hip!

I've found for my grandparents that photos are always a great gift. It allows them to look back foundly on all the great memories that have happened over the past year (or even longer if you want!). With internet services like snapfish and shutterfly, you can always get great discounts on lots of fine photo gifts or even just on the prints themselves.

This was mentioned as a gift for an older person but applies to those younger as well - gift cards to a nice market (Whole Foods, Trader Joes, or a local store). Younger people just starting out on their own or in grad school likely have limited resources and are apt to consider healthy fresh veggies and good food to be a luxury (and choose to live on mac and cheese and ramen instead). They will never ask for this, but once it's in their wallets they will thank you every bite they take.

My mom loved to send cards - for birthdays, anniversaries, etc., and notes to family and friends. A great gift for her was a selection of special occasion and generic cards with a book of stamps.

I recently gave a cookbook with some of the hard-to- find ingredients bundled with it.

Some things are a special gift to both the giver and recipient. For example if you have a hobby of scrapbooking, maybe you could put together a few pages for a friend for a shared event. You'll enjoy doing it and they'll enjoy getting it. Canning is an enjoyable hobby which makes fantastic gifts (although I should add that if a friend gives you a gift of something canned, it's a nice thought to return the jar when you're done). These aren't groundbreaking, but I'd rather get a gift I knew a friend enjoyed making for me than one I felt they just shelled out for.

I went to a swap at Christmas last year where the swap gift was outlined very clearly - One $25.00 gift card to something that people will use and (for some individual fun) a Christmas tree ornament. You knew for sure that the gift you got would be of equal value to the one you brought, and there was still fun swapping for different shops and ornaments.

I don't know if she'll see it - depends on one's version of the Afterlife, but I like to think she's in Heaven - but each year I try to donate something to Globe Santa in memory of Confidential Chat's beloved "Pound Foolish." She was like a big sister to me, and there in some of my darkest hours, writing with her warmth and wisdom. It's a gift to her, done through the children.

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I like Paul Flynn's and Maria's newspaper idea! Also, Annette's for taxi fare vouchers.

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Generally I'm not one for home-made gifts (yeah, I'm a princess), but the hat my best friend knit for my newborn ... . A precious little package, for a precious little package.

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I like those holiday letters, you know, the ones that go to everyone. Love receiving them, try to save everyone. Beverky Beckham once wrote about "treasures" in a beloved music box. I took that and ran with it, giving a music box as the first gift to my then-future MIL. When she passed, she ensured I received it, as a lovely memory of our first days together. My marriage didn't last, but I loved that woman, and so glad she remembered me even in her own last hours. I have her cards; her last voice-mail message to the reindeergirl home, which I'll do my best never to erase.

I'm a big fan of "service" gifts. For my little cousins, we pick a day to go out and get pizza, and then we go to a store where they can pick out 1 toy. For older cousins (with kiddos), it's a night of babysitting so they can go out. My father collects decoys, and has never cataloged them, so 2 years ago, we photographed all of them, wrote on the back of the photo who they were carved by, and also gave him a CD of the photos (for insurance purposes) in case the album was ever destroyed. For my mother, not as a gift but as a good daughter, I often go over to her house and just help her do the things she can't (heavy lifting, schlepping things, etc). For my sisters, I usually take them out for a spa service and lunch. Sometimes these can be pricey, but they don't have to be, and are always much appreciated. Giving gifts, as others have said, doesn't have to be "stuff" rather it can be an experience, tickets to an event, or simply carving out time to spend together that wouldn't otherwise happen.

I started instituting experience based gifts. Unless there's something I know my mom really needs and/or wants, her gift these days is an experience. I'm trying to take her to Avenue Q in Boston this year. Two years ago we saw Springsteen. While it doesn't save my wallet, I figure if i'm going to spend 50-60 dollars (or more), I'd much rather spend it on an experience than stuff.

A friend who is a ceramicist designs a clay Christmas ornament every year and makes many copies and sends them out instead of Christmas cards. I have 11 ornaments from her representing the years we've known each other, and they're a wonderful reminder of our friendship when I hang them on the tree each year.

The years that I've had way more time than money, I've made biscotti or homemade pasta as Christmas presents. Like a fruitcake, each keeps well and ships well and is a great treat people don't have every day, and unlike fruitcakes, people actually liked them.

A co-worker once gave jars of "chocolate chip cookie mix." The dry ingredients were layered decoratively in a jar with instructions for adding eggs/butter/vanilla at home and baking. Fun to get and fun to use!

Another co-worker made holiday-themed aprons by sewing festive ribbons to holiday-themed towels that you could tie around your waist. Creative, thoughtful, and cheap!

We ask our parents to name a charity for us to donate to, and they are delighted to have that as a present.

Just want to emphasize -- I am all for charity contributions, but people do have wildly different values and priorities when it comes to charities. Donating to your own favorite charity in your friend's name is no gift to her if she is not a supporter in or believer of that charity or cause. So charitable gifts should be made with the other person in mind. (For example, my very liberal mother would not appreciate a gift to Focus on Family!!) Find out what causes are dear to the *other* person's heart, and make that donation your gift. Some other charities may have no political bent and be offensive to no one, but still are not really great 'gifts' because they are not personalized to the other. For example -- a friend likes the group CARE and would not be offended by any stretch by a donation, but she works tirelessly on breast cancer research. Susan Komen Foundation would be appropriate for her.

Sorry, this is just something I notice happening a fair amount. I had family members who loved to donate to their particular favorite charities as gifts, and it does not feel very personal at all when that charity is not a mutual favorite. :-) It just feels like proselytizing then.

I often ask my friends for their expertise: carpentry, painting, cooking. A lovely "teach" or "help" session is often flattering to the person from whom you request it, if done with care. That is, avoiding asking for time from someone who does not have any to spare, but requesting time from someone who wants to provide a gift but has no spare money is a win-win.

#1, especially #46 and many others. I think giving Charity is a great meaningful choice, but there is a better way and you can use it for any occassion. There is an organization, CharityChoice that lets you buy Charity Gift Cards and certificates starting at $5. You are the donor and the recipient chooses the charity. www.ccgiftcards.org The recipient can choose up to 3 charities from a list of over 100, therefore very personal. Great for kids too as making the choice from over 100 charities can open the door to some very meaningful discussions. They have gift registries as well.

I think a gift certificate to Kiva would be great. The person receiving the gift can go online to see the various people who are looking for a loan. They can decide who to give the loan to and after it's repaid they can loan it our again. This is a great gift that I have given in the past. www.kiva.org

First, ROTFL at “ensmallened.” Brilliant. And sad. The Miss Conduct column is hands-down my favorite part of the Sunday Globe Magazine—often the only part of it I can even relate to.

Second, a caveat about handmade gifts: be sure it’s something the recipient would want/ need/ value/ appreciate. I have a wonderfully crafty friend who makes all sorts of interesting things, and she has a habit of giving me lovely, creative gifts that I’ve never used. Mostly these are things SHE finds useful, and so in her mind, everyone else should find them useful as well.

One year she gave me a box of different dried herbs, with empty teabag sachets that, in order to be used, would need to be ironed shut. If I’m running to make my train first thing in the morning and e.g., have a headache, the last thing I’m going to do is measure three different kinds of herbs into a sachet, drag out the ironing board and iron, iron the sachet closed, and make a tea that requires steeping for six hours. I’m going to pop a couple of Tylenol.

Another gift was a handmade kit, including a hand-calligraphed instruction booklet, for darning stockings. I buy my nylon stockings by the dozen at discount outlets; when one gets a run, I throw it away. My friend buys heavy, expensive tights, so naturally it makes sense for her to mend them, but it makes no sense at all for me. I admired the cleverness of the darning kit, and the creativity that went into making it, and told her so, but the thing sits unused on the top shelf of my closet to this day.

Third, re: gifts to the elderly—or to anyone who is living alone, or whose physical abilities or domestic skills are limited—the gifts of time and skill are invaluable. My widowed 65-year-old mother is currently in the process of “auditioning” handymen, because my brother, who she used to rely on for small jobs around the house, has taken his wife’s view that if Mom can’t do something herself, she should hire someone rather than rely on him. (That didn’t stop him from recently spending a day “up country” with the wife’s sixty-something parents, cutting and stacking wood all day for them). Don’t wait to be asked—offer to help, and above all, let the recipient know the offer is made with gladness and pleasure. For a person of limited skills and/or resources, sometimes simply not having to beg for help is a priceless gift. Help that is offered grudgingly, or with too many emotional strings attached, is no gift at all.
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I am going to be flamed to death on this, I know, but I don't want a charitable donation as a gift, and I don't want to give you one either. Same thing with homemade cookies and other low-cost, high-effort presents.

I would rather we just agree to stop exchanging gifts.

It doesn't mean I don't love you and I don't value your friendship. I want to stop exchanging gifts so that I can make our holidays less stressful and less expensive.

I have a huge Yankee Swap party for all my friends so we can have fun and spend time together during the holidays without it costing us a fortune.

Everyone I've asked to stop gift exchanging with has been ALL for it!

My grandfather greatly enjoyed the lightbulbs that turn on and off when you touch anything metal on the lamp.

Well, I don't want to flame cosmogirl, especially because I share her lack of interest in charitable gifts, but I really, really like exchanging gifts. It makes me sad when people suggest limiting or curtailing holiday exchanges, because I truly enjoy putting a lot of effort into making gifts when my money is low, or shopping for something perfect for the recipient when I'm more flush. I often offer to make the wedding cake as my wedding gift (I used to be a professional pastry chef, so it's not like I'm going to show up with half a dozen day-glo cupcakes, or something), and I love making wedding cakes for people I care about, because the hours and hours that go into making and decorating the cake are a sort of meditation on people that I love.

Yes, The Holidays are hectic blah blah blah. I have a pair of nearly 3-year-olds, so I know from hectic. But they are also an opportunity to think about pleasing the people we love; what’s so bad about that? I get depressed at how resentful people are of The Holidays, as though they view them as this enormous, intrusive, hateful ritual of pretending to care about people when really, you’re frothing with bitterness over having to actually do something nice for them. So I want to go on record here: I LIKE The Holidays. I enjoy the change of pace, even when I’m a little overwhelmed, woefully undercapitalized, and staying up half the night to make truffles. I wouldn’t enjoy it if I had to do it once a month, but once a year?! It’s all good.

I also want to say that I am skeptical of the make-a-donation-in-loved-one’s-name “gift,” in part for the reasons jlen mentioned. It feels like it’s often a great three-for-one for the giver: make a contribution, take a tax donation, and hey, they send you a card you can use to get out of your gift obligation to somebody else! I appreciate the examples people have given of charitable gifts that are given with the honoree in mind (and reindeergirl, how lovely that the wonderful Pound Foolish is memorialized so), but I am not really sure that making a charitable contribution feels like a gift to anyone other than the charity to me. I’d rather take care of my philanthropy and my gift-giving as separate enterprises.

Oh, and one more thing, not meant as a flame, cosmogirl, just inspired by something you said: you know, just because people go along with a suggestion, that doesn't actually mean they're happy about it. If someone suggests to me that The Holidays are too ____ (fill in the blank with negative words of your chioice) and so we should stop or curtail exchanging gifts, I don't, for heaven's sake, argue with them. I graciously agree, because what the heck ELSE can you say? Gosh, no, keep giving me stuff, even though you don't want to?! I'm often struck by how people say - not just in this context, but generally - "And whenever I tell people X, they always respond positively!" Well, yes, that's often what one does, in order to be polite or kind; it's not necessarily an endorsement.

Cosmogirl and MelissaJane, I think you make very good points. Since I'm one of "gifts to charity in honor of the recipient" folks, I wanted to respond briefly.

First of all, I have been a recipient and have been thrilled. A gift to Heifer Intl. in my name by old friends of my spouse, in one of the first holidays I shared with them, who my partner dearly loves and who knew her long before I came into the picture (which meant I was pretty anxious about they felt about me), brought tears to eyes. It said that they had paid attention and knew enough about me to know that this would mean a lot to me, and I am forever grateful for their thoughtfulness and generosity.

Second, we still exchange gifts with family members and friends for whom gift-giving really matters; we have called off gift-giving entirely with those who want to do that; we have continued to give gifts when we know the person well enough to disregard their instructions to stop giving gifts; and we do a Yankee swap with an old group of friends. What I like best about what's happened in my family since my sister suggested the contributions-in-lieu-of-gifts idea is that it allowed my family to talk about our traditions and change the way we always did things in the past, when we were younger and still outfitting our first apartments. The key is that we talked about it, and I think people were honest about their feelings (so speak up, folks, and tell your family and friends what you want to do!). I, too, love the holidays and enjoy finding the perfect gift -- whether it's something bought, something home-made, something regifted, or the charity or cause that is just perfect and not well-known (last year my choice in honor of my sister made *her* cry -- success!). I look at these changes as expanding my gift-giving repertoire, not limiting me.

I've been on the look out for unique gifts that I can get my friends and family when the occasion arises. I always like personalized gifts because they seem more thoughtful than a gift card or some scented body lotion. I found this cool website that offers personalized doormats with fun designs and I've been using them for wedding and housewarming gifts lately. If you want to check it out, the link is www.personalizeyourdoormat.com. Hope it helps!

This year my brothers and I are giving my grandmother a gift that she will love me for the entire year and requires no extra work on our side. She loves flowers and my brother and I are going to give her a weekly flower arrangement provided bloomstodoors.com. They offer an amazing service where they will pick the best seasonal flowers and deliver these to her doorstep.