Monday question: Stop kissing my baby!

I've been there (only both kids were mine), so I know how it is to need to protect your newborn. I agree that constant kissing is too much -- but you don't want to alienate the little girl or the rest of the family. Since she obviously has so much affection for her cousin, channel it in a different way. Let her have a hello kiss or a goodbye kiss (after she's wiped her nose), but then steer her into showing affection a different way: patting the baby's back, rubbing his belly, playing piggie toes, reading a story to him.

He's like a real live doll to her, and you have the opportunity to show her that she can interact with him in so many more ways than she can play with a dolly. If you offer her things she CAN do with him, rather than things she MAY NOT do to him, and lavish praise on her, you will go far to counteract the positive attention she's getting from grandparents etc for kissing the baby. And perhaps she was the baby of the family until he was born, and is now looking for new ways to get peoples' attention?

If the rest of the family comments, hold your ground. This is your baby, and you get to decide how you raise him. Setting limits (first for other people, then for the child himself) is central to parenthood. Your concerns are not unreasonable. Explain that your baby is still getting his vaccinations, his immune system is developing (and breastmilk only does so much, if you are nursing him), the pediatrician told you to avoid other kids' snot, whatever. They won't have to be up all night with a sick newborn.

I will chalk this up to you being a new mom (the exclamation points!!! they are too much!!! it is awkard!!!) and nervous about everything, but really... you are, indeed, being over the top. The baby will probably get a cold at some point. It will not be the end of the world. The overall benefit to your child of growing up with an adoring older cousin to play with is well worth a few baby sneezes. Chill.

'The overall benefit to your child of growing up with an adoring older cousin to play with is well worth a few baby sneezes.'

I'm sure we can figure out a way to keep the adoring older cousin sans the sneezes.

Here's where a fall-back to "the pediatrician recommends" can be handy. In a conversation before the next visit by the kissing cousin, I would tell the child's parents that you were just at the pediatrician and they gave recommendations for minimizing the spread of flu and colds and chief among them was minimizing contact with others during flu season, especially other children, especially kissing. You can light-heartedly refer to the affectionate child and say something like "I know that Suzy loves babies and might be disappointed at our new rule, so if you could let her know in advance that it's hands-off for a while that would be great" and then stick to your guns when they're over. You have to establish house rules for everyone (not just the runny-nosed five-year-old), communiate them to everyone (you can use the "we're just following the pediatrician's recommendations" line if you are more comfortable making someone else the bad guy) and apply them fairly and consistently.

As a mom of four, all of them born in cold weather, I am normally pretty cavalier about germs but this year things really seem different and even I would be more cautious than I normally am. That said, anyone who visits a baby should abide by the house rules set by parents, and if that includes no visitors who haven't had flu shots, no visitors with signs of illness, everyone washing hands and/or using Purell before touching the baby, no kissing (especially on eyes, nose or mouth), etc. than visitors should respect those rules regardless of whether or not they think the parents are being paranoid. You are not being over the top, it's your baby, germs are real, and you have every right to minimize exposure!

I have one word for you, and it's not even really a word.

H1N1.

You are justified, you should do all you can to protect your child from the flu this year. Any family member who objects is out of their mind.

Wow...People need to really stop being overprotective of their kids. Germs aren't the end of the world and if anything I believe children need to be exposed to germs and bacteria to some degree to help their immune system develop fully to protect them from more severe things as they get older.

Sorry but you should not have to explain yourself for protecting your child.
Viruses, bacteria etc are real. Maybe the parents of the snot nosed kid need a reality check. Here's a start...teach your kid some manners and the notion that the baby needs some space. Be polite but do NOT apologize! The baby comes first regardless of others feelings etc.

StudioCity is wrong. As the baby matures and develops an immune syst to defend against runny nosed little germ petri dishes, then you can
begin to be lax.

This is one of those rare times where you get to make it all about you. They already think you're a germ-phobe, so now's the time to proclaim it openly to the adults in the room: "You know what a germ freak I am, and I'm so worried about H1N1 this season, so could you please just pat his little head instead of kissing him or touching his hands? Yeah, I know I'm strange, but just humor me. This new mother thing is hard enough without having to worry about illness."

Then, to the little kissing cousin, say, "You can kiss him when you're five and a half, but not right now." (Or "six," whatever is about six months from now.) "Right now, just rub his head, like this."

I don't think you're at all loony for wanting to keep a runny-nosed older child away from your baby. Most pediatricians recommend limited outside contact until the baby is at least six weeks old, anyway, and I find it hard to believe the parents of this little girl have forgotten so quickly that new mother vulnerability!

Sticky (literally) situation. As both a mom of a 10-month-old & a scientist I find myself a bit schizophrenic about the cold & flu season - deadly afraid one minute, the then next reminding myself odds are he'll be fine. But with a 4-week-old I'd probably live more in the deadly afraid zone, because an infant that young can't have a flu shot & even colds are more serious at that age (rational) but also because of the hormones still raging through my system (not so rational).

So I don't think you're being over the top, but I do think that you need to take a deep breath. If you're feeling hysterical, you'll sound hysterical, and that won't help your case.

A policy of having everyone (not just the 5-year-old - she's not any more germy than the adults; her immune system is just immature) wash their hands before handling the baby & give kisses on the feet or head only, not on face or hands, would be completely rational. But you need to have your husband backing you up on this & being the enforcer. This is for two reasons: 1.) if he supports you, they can't dismiss you as "just the hormonal germaphobe wife", 2.) they're his relatives, so he should be handling this anyway.

BTW, if you were able to get flu shots while you still pregnant, then breathe a little easier because your little one will have received your immunity in the womb. But even if this is the case, I'd follow the above policy because a flu shot does not protect against colds.

Good luck!

I'm not going to offer my opinion over whether it is or is not okay for people to kiss or touch your baby - your kid, your decision. (And for the record, playing with a baby's toes or hands is seen by some as actually worse than kissing them on the head or face, because they can't get their heads into their own mouths, but they certainly can get their hands and feet in there.) But seriously? Can you not say to the five year old in a gentle voice "I know you love him and you're a great big cousin, but I'd really rather you didn't kiss the baby. How about play peek a boo or sing him a song instead?" And be persistent. He's your child to protect, and to be quite honest, it only gets harder from here to do so. What your inlaws think of you is secondary - will you worry about what the other Moms in his class think if you raise an issue with the teacher about classroom behavior?

Either relax and accept, or learn how to deal with it on your own because she won't be the last little kid to love your offspring and this won't be the last time you'll be frantic about something happening to your kid.

A five year old is too young to process that you are moving the baby away as a hint that she not kiss him. you need to be direct and outright tell her that she may not kiss the baby. It does not need to be confrontational, simply a statement of fact. Clare & Jen are right on with their suggestions -- let her have a hello kiss after she washes her hands and a good bye kiss and maybe one in between, but it is perfectly acceptable to tell the five year old that baby cannot have too many kisses.

As for the rest of the family, who cares what they think? You are the parent of this child and you are setting rules for HER. If you are polite and firm, it shouldn't be such a big deal, really.

Don't let them bully you into something that you're not comfortable with for your baby! I like the idea above - put it on the pediatrician if you don't want to be the "bad guy" (and I certainly don't think keeping a runny nosed five year old away from your baby makes you a bad guy, it makes you SMART, even before H1N1 craziness). When my daughter was little, she would have gushed all over any baby she could get her hands on, but we had a rule for her that she had to check with the mom or dad and then she was only allowed to touch baby feet or maybe one kiss on the top of the head if the parents were okay with that. Keeping her completely away from an adorable baby would have been nearly impossible, so we set up parameters that everyone seemed to be able to live with. If she was sick, though, we did are darndest to keep her away from any babies - all bets are off then.
Good luck! I was considered an overcautious mom by my in-laws, too, but even with daycare, my girl (now 10) has always been pretty healthy, so I think it paid off. (Now if I could only get them to understand that keeping her up too late knocks her for a loop for a week, then maybe I'll let her sleep over there again . . . )

I think that you have every right to be a little concerned. A baby that is the age of yours, is at a greater risk for RSV. Even sweet little cousin's seemingly benign cough can end up being something worse for a newborn.
Knowing this, though, don't freak out. Just use some precautions: use the "the pediatrician recommends" statement to the parents, show the cousin that a nice way to give lovin' to her cousing is to rub the babies feet or back. Ask that before anyone holds the baby, they wash their hands. If they feel you are being unreasonable, so be it. All babies under 6mos. that are entering their first RSV season are at risk and all parents should follow these precautions.

I have always tried to teach my kids to touch babies (after being told they can at all!) on the legs and feet or belly - these are the areas least likely to go into baby's mouth and transmit germs.

ITA with those above who say your baby, your rules, but take a deep breath, and think about how best to do it to engage younger family members. Maybe some other special job that she can do? Maybe she's in charge of asking all to wash their hands, so keeping baby germ-free (as much as babies can be) becomes a point of pride for her?

Just grow a set and tell the kid to back off. If the in-laws get upset, who cares! Its not a big deal.

I'd recommend minimizing contact with a lot of people for the baby anyway until he's a little older. Yes, the baby will get a cold at some point, but the older he is when that happens, the better. Like Jen says, use the old "pediatrician recommends" line. If you do need to be around the cousin, you'll just need to insist that she back off a little. She's old enough to understand if you just explain it. If she were 2 it might be tougher to get her to understand, but at 5, she should get it (as should her parents). Perhaps someone could get her a baby doll so that she can have "her" baby to play with? Maybe she'd have fun "changing diapers" and "feeding" the baby doll at the same time you're taking care of your baby. Good luck.

My guess is that this mother would be less bothered if a child from her side of the family was the one doing the kissing.

You are spot on correct. This is not the time for constant kissing from a runny nosed 5 year old. You could put your baby's health at serious risk. Anyone with any common sense would put a stop to this. Your baby is 4 weeks old. ANYONE touching that baby should be washing hands first. I think your solution is for you or your husband to hold your baby when out in public where people are going to feel free to be ignorant. I understand your desire to not cause a family conflict, so just hold onto the little peanut. The 5 year old will not have as much access that way. I also agree with the comments in number 1.

I would imagine the the adults saying it's ok would quickly step away from a sick person trying to kiss them. But somehow it's ok for a baby with an undeveloped immune system?

Germs today or immune diseases later.
Babies need to have their immune systems challenged early and often.
Certainly, you want to avoid serious illnesses like Rubella and Chicken Pox which are avoidable with immunizations, but colds will have the effect of possibly preventing future asthma and allergies.

Don't be so hyper with the kid. My teenage son was in day care from infancy and is now as healthy as a horse.

I think you are justified in your concern about germs: the baby is only four weeks old and the five year old probably goes to school and brings back germs.... if you explain gently to the child herself, she is more likely to understand and empathize and follow instructions than the adults.... so go ahead and explain gently and lovingly to her why she can't kiss the baby all the time. She will get it....

A five-year-old is quite old enough to be spoken to directly. I sort of agree with Jen's recommendations about how to speak to the kid's parents, but I would also suggest addressing the child directly. "Suzie, I'm so glad that you love your little cousin so much. I know you're going to take such good care of him and play with him all the time. But right now while he's still so little, we have to be really careful not to hurt him or make him sick. We don't want to sneeze on him or let our germs get on him that might make him sick. Let's wash our hands before we touch the baby, and let's not kiss him too much, okay?" If you speak to the child as if she can understand, chances are, she WILL understand. And she'll respond well to being treated like a big kid, rather than having you just "talk over her" to her parents.

Also, do remember that every time your baby leaves your house -- or every time someone comes into your house from outside -- your baby is exposed to all kinds of germs. You cannot avoid them entirely. You can take reasonable precautions, but babies get sick. It happens. Each time the baby gets a cold or virus, it helps his little immune system to develop and grow stronger. So try to chill out at least a little bit, okay? :)

You're not being over the top. Where are the child's parents is my first question? I would never let my kids touch a baby. Anyone who thinks this is no big deal probably has not been around a sick newborn recently. Even if you are uncomfortable you have to say something to the parents or the child. I am in a family where I am clearly the "germaphobe" but my in-laws just don't get it- they just don't give germs any thought at all..nor do they understand some of the basics of how things are transmitted. Just tell the little girl that it is better not to touch babies because they can get sick easily or if she wants to say hello she should touch the baby's feet (that is what I do). If you are clear the parents should hopefully get it and intervene as well.

Not over the top. Your baby's too young for flu vaccines, so you need to protect him from the overzealous.

Four weeks old is very young and an illness for the next few months is quite dangerous. I'd require everyone to wash hands before touching the baby (reasonable request!) and invite the kid to tickle the babies toes or belly (gently), pat the back to burp, etc, It is very reasonable to ask that a child NOT touch a baby's face or hands ever! Blame the pediatrician if that makes things easier..."new rules from the doc for the winter ahead." You'll have a 1mo check up. Announce it after that appt.

First of all, it is your baby so whatever you feel is best is best. I have been there a few times myself and it is really annoying to have to shield your new baby from an over zealous child. The parents of the older child should really step up and let her know that the baby needs to be given room to breath -- without the added germs.

Give me a break. You are absolutley being over the top, and to the ultimate detriment of your child by the way. It is important for kids to be exposed to a reasonable amount of dirt,grime and germs. It primes their immune systems, gives them a greater spectrum of immunity and will lessen the chances of developing athsma and allergies. Many medical studies have indicated that this is the case as well as the fact that people who are sick more often as kids, are far healthier than average as adults. You can't control every facet of what awaits your child in life. Chill out or he'll be immunocompromised AND have mommy issues.

I think you have an absolutely legitimate concern. When my daughter was only two months old, we had a young child visit who had a bad cough, and he kept kissing her. She developed a cold a few days later, and wound up in the hospital for three days with RSV pneumonia, which is very serious. It is not just flu season; it is RSV pneumonia season too. RSV pneumonia can cause life-long asthma. It is the #1 cause of hospitalization in children under 1 year of age.

My suggestion is to rally your husband to your cause. It is his job to stand up to his family and keep his young relatives away from his baby. If your husband accuses you of being a germaphobe and worrying about nothing, enlist your pediatrician to talk to him.

Good points by the other posters. I would like to add that, germs aside, the poor baby doesn't get much say in the matter of being pawed at by all and sundry. We shouldn't forget that despite intentions of affection, being kissed every five seconds would be annoying if it happened to us. I feel that even helpless (or is should that be _especially_ helpless) babies need to have their personal space respected. Their parents are champions/protectors of their infants' boundaries for the time being and help them learn where they begin and others end and what is appropriate.

A friend's newborn baby got RSV from a cute little child who held the baby. Said cute child had a mild cold (no big deal to a kid, RSV in an infant). Baby was fine, but there are legitimate reasons for keeping small children away from babies. I wouldn't worry about family harmony in this case. Put your baby in a sling (or some other unreachable location), and her or she will be safe from over-affectionate cousins. (I actually trained my kids to stay far away from babies--I don't want to be the one whose kid inadvertently spreads a germ!)

I wouldn't go so far as to ban people who haven't had flu shots. They don't work for everyone (about 50-60%?), and all you can do is go by the current symptoms. You can't ask every adult who comes in whether they've had an MMR booster or a pertussis vaccine either. At some point, the baby is in a bubble. But, it's not odd to keep germy children (and, all are germy) away from babies.

I agree with Jen, you are not being over the top. We are being told to stop shaking hands due to the highly infectious H1N1; the Catholic Church has issued a rule to stop shaking hands and no shared wine; and your baby does not have any immunizations. You are not paranoid, you are appropriately protecting your child's health. Your child cannot get the flu vaccines. If the cousin was 36 years old with a cold, I would hope you would say something, so what is the difference with a 5 year old?

Take a deep breath and relax. Nothing terrible is happening, except that you may, in fact, be hyperventilating. Pass the baby to Grandma or Grandpa to hold, and enjoy the company of people that love you and your new child. As a parent of 3 children (2 of whom have successfully made it to adulthood and a third in her teens) I can tell you with absolute certainty that these excessive kisses really are cute and no threat to anyone's well being.

Bottom line your the mom and it will be you dealing with a sick child. It is up to you to say what you want and don't want to happen. As I left the hospital with my son 4 months ago the Doctor said the smaller children should not kiss, hold or crowd the baby. So don't feel bad just stick to your rules.

StudioCity wrote, "The baby will probably get a cold at some point. It will not be the end of the world."

That's exactly what I thought too... until my daughter at age 2 months was hospitalized with pneumonia. This new mom is not being over the top. This is a 4 week old baby: swine flu is particularly dangerous to infants, which is why the WHO is recommending pregnant women be first in line for the vaccination. And even without the new flu, RSV is always a seasonal threat to infants.

Even if the baby caught "just a cold," that is not an experience I'd wish to go through as a new mother! Suctioning out the nose because an infant can't use a tissue; trouble feeding; irritability, etc. Plus, Infants are far more prone to developing ear infections from colds, which lead to many sleepless nights walking a screaming miserable baby. No thanks!

When each of my children have brought their second child home from the hospital, they have encountered the same thing with the older sibling. And believe me, they all have runny noses from September unitl May as well as any other germs they bring home form daycare. They have alleviated the problem a bit by letting them kiss the baby's feet (clothed) as often as they want.This way they are not on the sidelines, but also not spreading germs.

Hmm, sounds like you just need to get over it. Your kid is going to be exposed to germs. Especially with the holidays coming up and families being around everyone in close quarters. Deal with it and be glad that you have a loving family that cherishes your new little one. And enought with the exclamation points. Thats more annoying than the flu.

I do not think you are acting the over the top at all. I have a six month old son and I am very nervous about others kissing/touching him. Obviously, I know he will contract a cold of some sort sooner or later but I think it is a natural motherly instinct to be concerned.

With that said, I know how difficult it can be to speak up and not seem like a germ freak. I have no problem speaking up when it is my family but find it hard when it is my husband's. Maybe you can discuss this with your husband and have him politely say something? Jen, the poster above, is absolutely correct, it is your baby and germs are very real so do all you can to prevent your baby from getting sick. Good luck and I hope your baby escapes the cold/flu season.

our baby

"all the grown ups stand around saying Ahh is that just adorable" How ridiculous, that quote really annoys me for what its worth.

No need to ask for advice on the situation when you clearly know what needs to be done. Its your baby, naturally you are very protective of him and there is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't even stretch the truth by bringing in 'my pediatrician recommends...' - you have every right to speak your mind and tell your relatives you are not comfortable at this stage being overly touchy-feely with him due to the rampant flu epidemic. Breastfeeding him can provide him with antibodies to fight it from your breastmilk but at the end of the day its your choice whether to allow exposure to it in the first place.

Being parents themselves they should understand your stance on the issue and be respectful of your wishes. Do whats best for you and your baby to stay healthy and don't let people make you feel guilty about it. And about the 5 yr old cousin, trust me she'll get over it, its not the end of the world. Kids need boundaries and parents need to stop overindulging. Tell her mommy to buy her a dolly to kiss.

Good luck!

Good luck!

It really sounds like you're being very paranoid. If the baby gets a few sniffles, that might leave you with a few nights of less sleep (isn't that happening already anyway?). I always have a problem with my friends who let you hold their baby, only if you use their Purell first, and then don't touch your face for the entire duration of the baby holding. Like StudioCity said, chill. Let your new child experience love from all your family and help him build an immune system from germs, cat hair and dust. If not your kid will have even more problems later in life.

First of all, please get some therapy for your germaphobia. You are a mother now, and it's not fair to transfer your phobias to your child. (You are the one who called it a phobia, which means unreasonable, so do seek some help.)

However, this season, there is nothing wrong with limiting anyone touching the baby. Insist on soap and hot water, not just sanitizers, for guests.

And, if the cousin truly has a running nose, do her a favor and tell her mom to clean her up. Nobody wants to see it.

Best wishes.

Dear New Mom,
You are not being over zealous in trying to protect your newborn son from being unnecessarily exposed to germs! Current recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics are to avoid exposing your newborn to crowds for the first 6-8 weeks of life (your son falls into that time period!), as the newborn's immune system is still maturing and they're more susceptible to catching colds and becoming seriously ill very quickly. They specifically point out to avoid contact with small children, as they tend to be less able to keep their hands and germs to themselves. As a mom of two myself, I can tell you that you will learn very quickly that you have to become your baby's biggest advocate for his safety and well being. No one means to get your baby sick when they touch his cheek or kiss him, but they are unnecessarily exposing him to germs and viruses that his little body can't fight. So, my advice is, when the little kissing cousin comes to visit, either put the baby in his crib and tell them he's off limits or if he's awake, gently explain what the potential hazards of close contact could be to your son. With the real risk of spreading seasonal or H1N1 flu to your child, it's irresponsible for people to allow their small children to be smothering a newborn with kisses. Don't listen to them when they say if he gets sick it'll help his immunity-he doesn't have a fully developed immune system yet! I'd limit the number of visitors to your home and like I did, gently "require" all visitors to wash their hands w/ soap and water before holding the baby. Good luck and hope you have a healthy winter!

As the mother of a child who actually contracted RSV at 8 weeks old-and has had 2 hospitalizations for rotavirus, I am completely with you on the 'enough already with the kissing'. Frankly, the 5-year olds behavior sounds compulsive and I wonder if it is this child's way of getting attention herself. 'Aw, isn't i cute that Suzy likes to kiss the baby.'
Another reader pointed out H1N1 as a VERY valid reason to inform ALL of the relatives (from the toddlers to Great Auntie Gertrude) that hands need to washed before touching the baby-and kissing is off limits.
Your baby has a very limited immune system (with a bit of added support if you are breast feeding) at this stage and that 'little cold' can easily become RSV. You are not paranoid, you are cautious.
Stand your ground. I agree with you as both a mother AND an epidemiologist!

There are a number of posters here who are telling the mother she is over the top and that germs are good for building immunities.

They all either missed an important detail in the letter, or they saw it but are completely unaware of its significance: the baby is *4 weeks old*.

A baby under 6 weeks is considered too young to be out in the world interacting with folks because the danger of germs is heightened for such a young baby. Maybe it's been too long since you all had kids and you've forgot that bit of information. But it's pretty standard pediatrician advice -- and not just for this flu season, and not even just in the last 10 years (I had my first baby 16 years ago, and that was the advice then too).

So please stop telling this mom to "just chill" when he is trying to protect her baby in a way that makes actual medical sense.

To the mom: you're going to have to get comfortable taking stands about things that put you at odds with people, even family. But I like the "pediatrician recommends" line a pp mentioned because, frankly, it is true.

you seem like a first time mom...Congratulations by the way. yes you are over the top but that is ok too. I am a second time mom and of course we worry about these things.... You can easily set boundaries for this little girl who constantly kisses without embarassing her or causing a little awkwardness. We all worry about our little ones getting sick. We just have to do our best to expose them to germs as often as possible without being crazy about it. Take swine flu and rsv out of the equation here and think, your kid will get sick (yes it WILL happen) do what is necessary to kep them comfy and well as much as you can and things will be fine.

I do not think you are over the top. As many have said, it is YOUR child and you should be able to ask that precautions be taken. And to all those people saying, "well, my kids are ____ old, and are fine. They were hugged and kissed, etc.," but they were not an infant during this horrible H1N1 pandemic, were they? And I feel that a mother's love and protection is the best for a child. Some people try for years to have their children, and are not going to let someone who "Thinks" they know everything to tell them what to do. All doctors would be siding with being cautious. So to the wonderful Mom who wrote this, you are doing the right thing to protect your precious little baby. This is a different world than it was even just a few years ago. People need to remember that!

The issue of germs aside, the non-stop kissing may be a way of capturing some attention from the baby. Maybe if when you visit, you bring a toy for the cousin (a puzzle or coloring book or something to be assembled - an activity of some sort) or find another way to engage the child apart from the baby? Or find another way for her to interact with the baby?

She WAS the baby. Now she's not. She may be missing the spotlight.

I'm in the protectionist camp on this one - newborns haven't got a fully developed immune system as it is, then you factor in H1N1 and its impact on little kids. You are the Mom so you get to set the rules. My four grandkids all play together and as soon as one is sick it zips around to the other three, then jumps to the parents, and it usually involves more than a week in recovery. My four year old grandson has asthma and as soon as he gets sick his breathing becomes really labored and my daughter and son in law have spent many a worried night in the ER with him. So yes New Mom, stand your ground.

I do not think you are over the top. As many have said, it is YOUR child and you should be able to ask that precautions be taken. And to all those people saying, "well, my kids are ____ old, and are fine. They were hugged and kissed, etc.," but they were not an infant during this horrible H1N1 pandemic, were they? And I feel that a mother's love and protection is the best for a child. Some people try for years to have their children, and are not going to let someone who "Thinks" they know everything to tell them what to do. All doctors would be siding with being cautious. So to the wonderful Mom who wrote this, you are doing the right thing to protect your precious little baby. This is a different world than it was even just a few years ago. People need to remember that!

Are you people serious? You do know that humans (or our predecessors) survived for millions and millions of years in environments that were much more conducive to the spread of disease, right? No wonder kids these days are fat and pathetic.

Maybe if you let your children develop antibodies they wouldn't get sick as much. But hell, let's keep em away from everyone and shove some children's Nyquil down their throat. Pathetic.

Chill out, and step up.

First, the chill out part: Unless your baby is at risk of RSV (preemie, etc), then normal exposure to cold germs isn't a bad thing. I understand why you are worried, and that first illness you go through with your child is really scary and upsetting (the first EVERYTHING you go through with your first baby is pretty freaky), but colds are not dangerous.

The step up part: If you are really concerned, if you think the niece's illness may be more serious, if you just feel as Mom that this is not something you are comfortable with, then you need to start acting like Mom. Mom gets to decide who kisses Baby. Mom's job is to determine what's safe and unsafe for her child, to set those rules and boundaries, and politely communicate them to other people. With the five-year-old, this is pretty easy; you address her directly and tell her what you will and won't allow. "Just kiss her (or his) little toes, sweetie, not his face, that's right." "Wash your hands before you hold him, please." Whatever. But stop dithering about it. This is your job. Don't apologize for trying to keep your kid healthy.

Wow, lotta crazy in here today,

Sounds like you people want kids on a purell drip as soon as they pop out the mom. Kids need to build up their resistance to bacteria and germs in order to be healthy throughout their lives. Keeping kids germ free stunts their immune system and will turn you into that lovely parent that screams about food allergies and other self inflicted BS. Get over yourself, at least for the sake of your child. Your child is not particularly special, just one of many young, growing citizens who would be much better off if they weren't held back by the irrational and self centered fear of their parents.

I know you've got a 4 month old, but you're the one that needs to grow up, the same for all these self-centered enablers.

For what it's worth, I think any germ-a-phobia is, in this case (middle of winter, newborn, possibility of completely new virus to which the young are susceptible) justified. The concern shown by other posters for your child's immune system (and mental health) is admirable, but maybe overzealous-- the kid has quite a bit of time to develop his or her immune system; there's no reason to start before the recommended time, and no reason to hurry it after.

Why are "family" germs any different from "stranger" germs? Just because they're being delivered by a familiar face makes them no less likely to get your baby sick. I appreciate that the situation is different with family, but perhaps if you approach it from the angle of "We're restricting everyone's contact with the baby-- [little cousin]'s affections are appreciated, but she carries the same germs as everyone else" and back it up with the age-old "the doctor recommends...."

Mom of eight here who only started getting nervous about this stuff toward the end of the order. Our fifth child was hospitalized for RSV at five weeks--probably from germs he picked up from a sibling. Every baby after him has had a cold very early, like at three weeks. Most people understand asking kids to touch a baby on the foot, etc. Try that. Just say it rather non-chalantly to the child when she comes in for the kiss. Otherwise, I keep my newborns in an infant sling when I know I'm going to be around touchy kids. It's inconspicous, it's comfortable for me and the baby and best of all it's just a matter of my standing up a little taller to keep germy hands and mouths away.

If she's not contagious, I don't get the problem. She's just showing affection - what's wrong with that?

Newsflash to the new mom: your baby is going to get sick. It will happen, and you know what? The sooner and more frequently it happens, the BETTER. My oldest daughter who is now 6 went through 2 years of colds, ear infections, and more colds. Now she's built up immunity and doesn't get sick nearly as often as her friends, whose mothers try to shelter them from germs. I've got a 2 year old going through the same rough period now, but I know when we come out on the other side, it'll be fantastic.

I agree with a previous poster - you should get some therapy for your germaphobia. You do not want to pass that on to your child, believe me. Good luck, and lighten up!

i have a 5 month old son. i too am amazed how many people don't think twice about keeping their own kids away from a newborn. or they themselves will kiss him or grab his hands. my child is too young to inoculate and there is no swine flu shot available yet for me and my husband so it's extremely important right now to protect him from exposure.

normally i would agree that a child needs to be exposed to germs, but flu is extremely dangerous to young infants' lungs, so do what you feel is right to protect your child, especially now. never mind what others may think of you.

what i want to know is why your baby is "constantly" around a 5 year old cousin at 4 weeks of age? if it is not truly constant, then you are just exaggerating. if it is constant, then maybe you should put your foot down and change the situation, since it is clearly stressing you and probably your baby out.

and tell the FIVE YEAR OLD to stop kissing the baby -- she's five. you are the adult.

About 8 years ago a friend of mine was determined not be stuck in the house when she had her second child. She went everywhere with him - including lots of places with toddlers. The baby got RSV, was in the hospital for Christmas and has bad Asthma to this day. I know that you can’t prevent you baby from all germs but it’s okay to try to limit them.

I love how people are responding as if the human mouth is a cesspool and the rest of the body is a sterile surgery suite.

The biggest way germs are passed from person to person is by hands, so unless you require your relatives to wash their hands before touching the baby, then it's over the top to single out the cousin.

you have 2 choices, you either stop visiting them or grow up and tell the 5 year old to stop kissing your baby!
YOU are the adult here

getting sick alot when you're a baby doesn't automatically lead to being a healthy adult. I had pneumonia, bronchitis, strep and every type of flu and cold that went around as a kid. I was sick all the time. I still have allergies and am very prone to catching whatever is going around as an adult.

It's totally normal to be icked out by a snotty-faced child planting big wet ones all over the face of your vulnerable 4 week old baby.
Tell the kid that kisses are off for now and tell the parents to stop praising the behavior by cooing and purring everytime she kisses the baby.

You will also be that mother in the supermarket with the cloth cover for the child carriage seat. I think first time mothers are all over protective. I was too to a point. But what are you going to do when you have another child and the older baby is all over the new baby? You need to relax a bit. It won't be the end of the world. I would just suggest that with all the viruses going around this time of year to make sure anyone touching your infant wash their hands, including you and your husband. If your company sees you doing it, they will follow, if they don't just ask politely. Who cares if they think you are over protective. They'll get over it. Leave some of that antibacterial hand sanitizer around when you have company.

Get over it! I've had children. There's NOTHING wrong with exposing a child to germs, nothing, unless we're talking plague, e-coli, or HIV. In fact, it's better that a child build up their immune system living in the real world of microbes rather than an artificially sanitized bubble. We Americans have a very unhealthy attitude towards germs, acting as if they're invariably harmful, when, in fact, they're mostly harmless.

With H1N1 being such a concern these days, you are justified in being upset and the solution isn't rocket science.:

1. Ask the child not to kiss your baby.
2. Politely tell the child and parents your reason.

If they think you're being unreasonable, so what? They can chalk it up to you being a new mom. You are the mom, and you get to decide if you are uncomfortable with how someone interacts with your new baby.

I'm a mom of four kids, and I am deeply in the "kids need to eat dirt, not be so overly protected, etc." camp.

HOWEVER, don't you dare let anyone tell you you're being ridiculous here. I also have a nephew who was hospitalized for RSV. A simple cold can be extremely dangerous for a tiny baby. All those people blabbering on about Purell drips and needing to expose kids to germs and to "get over it" are at best envisioning older babies. I agree with them completely... AFTER A CERTAIN AGE. You are absolutely right to protect the baby. It's your job as a mom--don't apologize for it.

The best thing to do is to tell the 5-year-old exactly what she CAN do. "Hi! We are so glad you're here, and the baby can't wait to see you. First thing we do is wash our hands, and then you can play with the baby's feet! She LOVES it when you play with her feet. You can even kiss them! We don't kiss or touch the baby's head, or hands, but we can touch her little feet and toes! Let's go wash your hands together."

Kids that age often want to do what is "right." Show them what "right' is rather than just telling them what is wrong. And don't expect them to infer it from your actions... they just wonder why you're making it more difficult to reach the baby! :)

I need to respond again. I'm shocked that anyone would label someone crazy for keeping a sniffling child away from a newborn. ANY fever in a newborn necessitates a spinal tap! Would you want your newborn having a spinal tap?

A friend's baby got camphylobacter at a week old. This was an unwashed adult who touched the baby--after handling raw chicken--sick, but my understanding is that there is no other way to get that.

Illness simply is NOT the same in a newborn. It is that cavalier attitude that spreads illness because you are obviously not teaching your children to stay away from new babies.

One of my in-laws wouldn't go near my baby for MONTHS because I said hands needed to be washed first. This person would rather not know the baby than wash. And this person coughs into his hands, and meets the public all the time. Fine for his immune system, which obviously is good, but not fine for a newborn.

You never have to do anything to make other people more comfortable when it has to do with your child's health, just remember that.

To me, this is less about germs and more about how to handle an aggressive five-year old who isn't your child. Some readers will think I'm crazy, but if the five-year old were hitting the four-week old every five seconds, there'd be no question that the child would have to be stopped, regardless of how the child's parents and in-laws respond. But because it's "kissing," somehow the fact that it's an "unconsented touching" (the very defintion of assault), gets completely lost. Hold your ground, New Mom! Your baby is not a toy; a five-year old is old enough to learn appropriate ways to approach an infant (asking the parent's permission before touching being the foremost); and we set our kids on a healthy path for the rest of their lives by helping them understand that they have a right to their own personal bodily integrity, and must respect others as well. Given how commonplace bullying and sexual harassment are at younger and younger ages, I think this is something parents must actively address -- and dismissing the five-year old's aggressive behavior as "cute"
is a problem.

Its your child, start standing up for your feelings and concerns now. As a nurse and mother of 2 babies, this is cold and flu season. Its fine to introduce your baby to germs etc a bit later to build immunity. If your baby comes down with a fever, you will have to take to doc or ED. There, they will drawn blood, a whole bunch of tests including a spinal tap to rule out sepsis, RSV etc and get admitted for IV antibiotics. Avoid the issue and do not pass your newborn around and do not let drippy nose kids kiss your newbie.

Rub some Vicks VapoRub (TM) on your baby's forehead, next time the 5-yr old kisses it she'll be in for a surprise..

I've been there when runny nosed kids have been around my kids when they were babies and I was petrified. It's only natural. As mom to young kids we anyway get by on less sleep, so it's not over-the-top to try to prevent kids from getting ill and us having to do with even less sleep. At the least, other kids should not have runny noses when touching kids who are healthy and/or very young.
Other than that, I think it's natural that the girl wants to show affection for the baby.

I am sorry but at 4 weeks old, I would be limiting who came into my home as much as possible regardless if they were family or not. And most definitely not allowing runny nosed kids to be touching my baby. As the baby gets older I would have less of a concern and I agree that sometimes a kid just has to eat dirt, but it is all about context. This baby is 4 weeks old, yes I just typed it a second time. Developmentally the baby's immune system needs all the help it can get with breast feeding (if that is what the family decides to do) and with limiting exposure by vetting who comes into your home and if you take the child out of the home.

The parents of the newborn need to set limits and enforce what they are comfortable with. You are there to protect your child and not worry about someone else's feelings. I am not saying you have to be rude, you can be firm and polite at the same time. Don't hedge and don't apologize just state what your rules are and enforce them, even if that means removing yourself and the baby from the situation.

Normally i'd say overprotective mother, but with H1N1 I think you are justfied. The 5 year old is amongst kids your newborn is still too new. You might avoid large crowds including family for a mo or so.

This too like all other new mom moments will pass. By the time the second or third comes along you'll realize kids eat beach sand and survive. I remember every cough with the first one is a panic moment. You'll quickly get over this until then you are not being unreasonable. in the meantime sleep when you can and worry less.

I'd just spritz the baby with Lysol every so often when the cousin is around.

You are 100% right. This is how germs spread. Ask the child's parents politely. If they disagree, start kissing their foreheads nonstop and ask them how it feels.

For the first six months, you do need to keep your baby away from infectious agents. After that... I told my kid, she now has an immune system, so use it! It wasn't much later that she started bringing home every cold that passed through day care and infecting her parents!

I would get the H1N1 shot for your child when it's available. Otherwise, there's not a whole lot you can do. Even with H1N1 making the rounds, the overall risk to your child's health from the flu is small (once the kid is 6 months old).

Why does this 5 yo have so much access to a newborn anyway? Keep the baby in a snuglie or in your arms during their visits and problem solved.

Ordinarily I'd say no big deal, but given H1N1 it is perfectly OK to stand your ground. Remind mom and dad that baby can't get vaccinated and that the under 2 set is high-risk. You must directly tell them that you do not want anyone other than grandparents (or whoever) kissing the baby, You will have to tell the cousins this multiple times. If you want, offer her the ability to kiss and hold the baby's toes.

Been there and I would add that little old ladies in supermarkets should LAY OFF too. Who the BLEEP, do these people think they are?. How about those idiots who want to pat a pregnant woman's belly in the last month?

On a side note, there is a very increased chance of getting the FLU and specifically H1N1 when an exposed person comes within 6 feet. So forget about worrying only about kissing.

Dont let anyone touch you or your 4 week old baby without washing there hands like they were a surgeon.

"ANY fever in a newborn necessitates a spinal tap! Would you want your newborn having a spinal tap?"

I'm sorry, what? When were spinal taps invented? This might be the most ludicrous thing I've read so far today.

LET YOUR CHILDREN BE. I can guarantee your mom wasn't freaking out about someone kissing you as an infant and you probably turned out alright.

At my son's junior high school there are record numbers of H1N1 cases to the point where they have considered closing the school. These are healthy robust 12 and 13 year olds who are down and out for at least 4 days. And you're telling the mother of a 4 WEEK old baby to chill? Have you ever had a sick infant? It is NOT fun and it can be very dangerous as well. New mothers have enough to deal with without a trip to the hospital and the worry of having a tiny immunocompromised baby who can't breathe or has a fever. Everyone, not just the five year old, should wash their hands, BACK OFF and stop touching and breathing on the baby.

i hate to say it, but i think you are being a bit over the top. the little kid is showing affection to your baby. if it really bothers you, then take the little one's mother aside and tell her you're concerned about it. but baby's are tough and get colds even without all the affection.

If your 5yo niece is anything like my 5yo son, she's grabby and handsy with her friends, too. Kids this age interact that way. My son is constantly trying to kiss, cuddle, touch, hug, and pick at his baby sister. We've had to work hard to teach him appropriate ways to touch her and play with her. Same for your niece-- she just needs to be told. (And probably, reminded and reminded again.)

You're totally within your rights to set some boundaries, and your pedi will tell you the same thing. Incidentally, there's also nothing wrong with avoiding these gatherings, until the baby is a little older. Some doctors will tell you to keep a newborn home until after the first round of vaccines, at 2 months. RSV is a real concern, as is whooping cough.

I agree with you 100%!! I have a 5 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old baby. I was in a similar situation with a runny nose cousin kissing the baby and I freaked out. All the adults thought it was cute and I was horrified. With all the illnesses and the swine flu going around, people are so clueless. We can't blame the kids though, parents need to stop their children from this behavior and this includes aunts, uncles and grandparents being proactive as well.

"They all either missed an important detail in the letter, or they saw it but are completely unaware of its significance: the baby is *4 weeks old*."

...or they are aware of its significance and they still don't care since the human race as a whole has survived despite some human babies dying at 5 weeks old. For example:

"Are you people serious? You do know that humans (or our predecessors) survived for millions and millions of years in environments that were much more conducive to the spread of disease, right? No wonder kids these days are fat and pathetic."

Even my parents and their siblings were born in environments more conducive to the spread of disease. My mother and father survived long enough to make me, but two of my uncles did not survive infancy.

Do you want all of your children to survive, or merely enough of them to make you a grandparent?

Your kid, your decision. His immune system will mature through normal exposure outside the womb, it doesn't need a snot-nosed cousin to help it along. Whoever does not like your decision can talk about you all they want behind your back, it is a small price to pay for your new baby staying healthy during a killer flu season.

Besides, you may get a bonus. If anyone is put off enough to decide to stay away from you rather than set limits on drippy nose you are still the clear winner by no longer having to see relatives who aren't willing to indulge you a harmless request.

I agree with #66, JP Gal. This is less about the germs (although that's important too) and more about how this mother needs to be more assertive and be the parent. This mother knows what she wants -- to keep people from passing germs on to the kid -- she just doesn't know how to get that. This is just the first example of how you will need to stand up to others on behalf of your child. Be the mom!

You're not being over the top. No reason why a five-year old kid should get unfettered access to a 4 week old newborn. You're the mom, you set the rules, period. That said, don't create situations where your kid is exposed to so many relatives. Don't take your baby to holiday parties, and don't have relatives come over unless necessary, until your baby grows older and a little stronger.

I haven't read the other comments but I think you should try to redirect the little girl by having her kiss the baby's feet or legs or some other part of the baby that wont contaminate her/him. Just explain that the baby is "new and can catch colds from people so you have to be extra careful. You can give him/her a kiss here (insert body part)." Now everybody is happy!

You're 100% right. It'd your kid and you are not being a germaphobe.

Wow. I'm amazed at all the posters who are attacking this mom, whether it be for her use of punctuation or because they're so sure that she's being "over the top." Nothing like beating a new mom over the head to make her feel bad, eh?

A four-week-old child isn't supposed to be around a ton of people because it's too much for their pretty-much-nonexistent immune system to handle. My oldest is a November baby, so I remember having to skip some family gatherings until she had gotten a few more weeks under her belt. If avoiding some family gatherings isn't a possibility, then wearing the baby (in a sling, a Baby Bjorn or similar contraption) can be a way to keep the baby semi-visible but well-shielded. Additionally, reminding kids to look with their eyes and not their hands can be a generally good piece of advice.

The parents of this cousin need to be spoken to as well, to ask them to rein her in somewhat. if they're just standing on the sidelines watching all this, then they're not helping, and they need to help, so I'd engage them as well and ask that they talk to their daughter, too. And the husband should definitely be more involved, if this is his family, so as not to keep painting the mom as some kind of nutty outsider. Were this her family, they'd probably be less inclined to see her behavior as nutty - and it's nowhere near strange or over-the-top.

The desire to keep your 4-week-old from being mauled and slobbered on by family members (or even strangers) is standard guidance from pediatricians. People who suggest rubbing germs onto your kids are the ones who are nuts; either they've never had to suction out an infant's nose and deal with the screaming, the lack of feeding, etc., or they think that RSV, ear infections and other similar ick is fun for the parents! It's not building the immune system - it's representing a very real threat to the immune system of a person who has yet to develop one on their own, and even all the breastmilk in the world can't prevent kids from getting truly sick if they're exposed to too much stuff.

A spinal tap is standard protocol recommended for a baby under six weeks old who presents with a fever over 100.4. You can always say no. Yet, that is what doctors will recommend.

JP Gal #66 - Assualt??? Really??? You probably would have a pre-schooler thrown out of preschool for kissing or hugging another pre-schooler...

Dylan- Obviously you have never taken a newborn to the doctor for regular check ups and you are not in the medical field. Any newborn with a fever is serious business and you can not ignore it. By the way, that is what is done with a newborn with a fever. I have done it myself.

My newborn ended up in the ICU at Children's with a mystery virus that kept her there for a week. She's just fine now--a vivacious two-year-old; but they never did find out what it was. Although they DO believe that she caught it from her adoring older sister. It was the most horrible, anxiety producing, stressful time of my life. One-month olds do not have fully developed immune systems, even if they are nursing. If it makes you anxious or uncomfortable, explain that the baby isn't old enough for kisses. But think of how much fun the two of them can have when the baby is older!

#86 is right, pediatrician's highly recommend that kissing a body part of a baby, away from the face, is ideal. I forgot this when I wrote in earlier.

You are not overreacting. Yes, a few "germs" are healthy for development, but as a mother who watched her 7 weeks old's minor RSV-induced cold quickly progress into bronchioloitis and dehydration, resulting in a 3-day hospital stay, you do need to be careful at this time of year.

While its true that exposure to germs is needed to develop the immune system, there is really no harm is keeping the illnesses to a minimum if possible for a few months. Its great of other parents to tell you too let your kid be sick all the time, maybe they would to come over and take care of your sick baby. Trust me by the time the baby is crawling you will get to be more relaxed about germs.

Bottom line... "be a b**** about it". Not only do you not want your child to be sick yet, you are still recovering yourself, and a sick baby requires more energy and time. I unapologetically required all people to wash their hands before holding my newborn, so did my friends. Your other option is to avoid these people until your infant is older.

Dylan, number 49, you are joking right? You do know that many infants and children died throughout the years humans, or our predecessors, have been around. And of things we consider relatively harmless today. Diarrhea for instance. This woman is worried about the only infant that matters to her, her own, which was also the concern of all our ancestors she should be using any and all means to keep her child healthy and alive.

How's this? I have a nine-week-old and I told everyone NO KIDS visiting until the baby was over one month old. Once we hit that point, I firmly advised the children to "look but don't touch."

To hell with the relatives (and the naysayers on this thread) if they don't get it. They've either never had to sit up all night caring for (and worrying about) a sick infant, or they're just numb. Your kid. Your rules. If it makes you uneasy, you need to stand up for yourself (and your baby). Your baby can't speak for him/herself, so you need to.

Also...for everyone who's giving this mom such a hard time, let me ask you this: How would you like to be smothered in kisses from a kid (and perhaps a snotty-nosed one) at any given moment and not have any say in it??? That's what the baby is dealing with, and it doesn't sound like much fun to me. Not to mention all the hype about flu season and H1N1!

C'mon people! Have a little common sense. They have the rest of their lives to be "kissing cousins." And shame on the parents and other adults who don't step in to save the poor woman from the unneeded stress of having to shoo away this annoying little twirp.

What has happened, when the mother of a one-month-old infant can't buck up enough gumption to tell other people to keep their hands off him?

She doesn't need permission. She doesn't need "understanding." And she doesn't need to appeal to anybody's authority but her own.

Lady, learn right now put your hands on your hips and say with complete, unquestionable finality, Because I'm the mommy, that's why.

Been there. It's hard when you feel like you can't say something without being labeled or judged. Tell your hubby to say it, it's his family too! Do not underestimate the hormones raging through your system either, amplifying your feelings. It doesn't mean you are wrong, it just means you could be feeling things more strongly than an average person.

Flu season or not, standard protocol with any newborn: Wash your hands before holding them. When someone comes into your house, the first thing they should do is wash their hands. You'll get sick of saying wash your hands, but wash your hands. (Oh, did you wash your hands?)

My house rule was other children could touch my babies' feet. Not hands, not head, not face... feet. "The baby *loves* to have her feet touched!" Really, what 5 year old is going to know how silly that sounds? It's inclusive, yet it redirects.

My child came home from school saying that they learned to cough and sneeze into their elbow with Germy Wormie, and I was totally taken aback. I always covered with my hands. But I went to the website and now I get it, hands touch, elbows don't!! Kids can touch 300 surfaces in 1/2 hour and they hate to wash their hands. This is a simple thing that can make a huge difference. Also, there is a DVD the kids love, and it teaches them in a fun way other necessary hygiene habits, as well as the elbow cough.

You're being an overreactive germaphobe...grow up.

As a mom having 8 children. I know
how you feel about children with runny
noses.

Our last sin was born early and having to have
rsvp shots once a month. There was limits we sat
with our children and any one else to.

The thing we found easiest was to let each child
have 1 my be 2 kisses for the baby. The rule was
you could kiss the baby on the foot,head or tummy.
Because at 1 month old its very hard for a child to get
his or her feet in his mouth. I preferred the belly because
once the kids was done kissing the baby i could just change
the closes. another thing i did to was put a long bib or blanket
over the baby. This way the other children could kiss the baby
all they wanted and i could remove the bib or blanket and wash it.

All so a easy thing to do is a play pen. Which really worked great
for me. The kids could sit on the floor and read or play with toys
while talking to there brother and this still lets the child be involved with the baby.

There so much you can do to keep a child involved with out having
the baby being kissed and hugged on all the time.

I am a mother of a 10 month old who has been suffering with ear infection and cough since more than a month now. It keeps coming back as soon as her medication dose is over. I totally understand how helpless parents feel when their little one suffers.
You don't need to give a second thought to politely ask the 5 year old cousin to not kiss your little one.

babies under 6 months cannot be vaccinated and cannot protect themselves from other peoples nasty, dirty germs. be the germophobe, protect your baby and call it like you see it. your relatives won't face the negative outcomes the way you will. kids should learn boundaries about touching others. besides, your baby's cousin probably isn't proactively washing her hands etc...there's plenty of time for kisses....after flu season and after h1n1 plays out.

nothing pisses me off more than when someone walks up to my four month old and touches her...really people? you wouldn't walk up to me and touch me, no matter how cute i am...i'd tell you where to shove it. don't touch my baby!

For all of the posters who say the mom is a germaphobe, go take a walk in a 19th-century cemetery. Note the numbers of children who died before their first birthdays. Sometimes four or five in the same family, sometimes several children in the same season. Yes, we have better medical care now, but the fact remains that babies are more vulnerable than older children or healthy adults, and prevention is the way to go.

Dave, a spritz of Lysol? That was a joke right? I was laughing at first, then when I realized you might have actually meant it I sobered up. Tell me it was a joke?

Sounds like the letter writer has dug herself into a hole with her own germ phobic behavior. By being overly concerned about 'normal' germs, she has managed to paint herself as the family germ freak. But now that she has a legitimate reason to be concerned (H1N1 in an infant = bad news), no one is going to take her seriously. Remember the boy who cried wolf? So yes, for this particular baby at this particular time of year, it is necessary to be more vigilant. But for the future, when this crisis has passed, do try to lighten up. Most kids, even those with asthma like my older son, will survive just fine even if you don't boil them daily.

I'm sorry. No immune system, no touching the baby. Frankly, I don't take my child out. I have a great family who keeps her when I need to go to the store and when I get back I can take off my hoodie and wash up really well before handling her. Then again, I also have a father who is on the liver transplant list so we are all very careful in general. Sick baby means I can't see my mom and we see each other daily. Plus...at 4 weeks you're still sleep deprived, tired and why would you want to deal with a sick baby atop it? I told my in-laws to shove it because my husband wouldn't. I don't care what they think. Their germs could cause the death of my baby and my dad.

Plus, they too have a cousin who is constantly sick. I've been hospitalized 5 times from being around her, including twice while I was pregnant. I don't go around her anymore. They should take their kid to the doctor!