RadioBDC Logo
Shark Attack | Grouplove Listen Live
 
 
< Back to front page Text size +

Monday question: The friend of my friend is not my friend

Posted by Robin Abrahams  August 16, 2010 09:21 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

Sometimes it's just no fun when those darn ol' editors make me shorten letters for space and edit them to be in line with journalistic standards. Some questions, like this one, deserve to be seen in their original glory:

I find myself in a sticky situation. I am a military wife and I've made friends with some lovely ladies from my husband's unit. When our boys deployed we decided to stick together and curb the boredom and icky feeling. Once a week they come over to my house and I cook a huge dinner and we have a few glasses of wine and watch trashy reality shows together and laugh. I always have a great time................BUT.............one of the ladies who comes is not really MY friend, she's a friend of a friend. And I had no problem with her being invited at first. Until she started coming every week and never eating anything I cooked. Now I'm no gourmet chef, but I am a very good cook. I LOVE to cook. It makes me really happy to prepare a meal and see people enjoy it. And I find it insulting that she comes over for dinner every week and never even TRIES the food I make. She says it's because she's a picky eater. I say it's because she's a spoiled brat. (The way she behaves OTHER than the food is a joke as well. She actually cried on her birthday because we went to Applebee's and someone else there was having their birthday and the waiters sang to her first. And the other person they were singing to was a 6 year old girl.) I can't IMAGINE going to someone's house and for anything other than allergy reasons, not at least TRYING what they made. I DO realize that I'm taking this too personally, I just can't help but be insulted when she shows up at my house KNOWING that I've prepared a meal with McDonlad wrappers in her hand that she ate on the way over. So my question is this: How do I, or CAN I, ask her to stop coming without our mutual friends being upset with me? Because I feel that by asking that I'd be putting them in the middle of something and they don't deserve that.

See, the caps really add something there as far as I'm concerned, and there's no way I'm letting any old editor change them to italics just for the sake of AP style.

Anyway, what do you think the LW should do? And let's open it up a bit, too -- whatever you think of this particular situation, many of us have had a book club, softball team, knitting circle, whatever, that gets taken over by one unpleasant person. Have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it?

As usual, I'll post my reply on Friday, and we've got a chat scheduled for Wednesday at noon. Hope to see you there!
This blog is not written or edited by Boston.com or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
About Miss Conduct
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at missconduct@globe.com.
contributor

Who is Miss Conduct?

Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.

Need Advice?

Curious if you should say "bless you" to a sneezing atheist? How to host a dinner party for carbophobes, vegans, and Atkins disciples—all at the same time? The finer points of regifting? Ask it here, or email missconduct@globe.com.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives

Browse this blog

by category