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Monday question: Where's the love?

Posted by Robin Abrahams  January 10, 2011 06:15 AM

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Ah, family:

My two brother in laws live out of state. They both are in their early 40's, have secure jobs and own homes. Neither of them are married or have any children. It has been at least three years since either of them came home for a visit. My husband is the oldest of the three boys in this family. His mom lives close to us and we make it a point to have her over weekly if not more. Any issues that happen ie. mice in her cellar,her outside lights need fixing,her car is on the fritz,my husband helps out. We have children. My husband coaches our childrens athletic teams and we drive them all over for different activities.My husband also travels for his job and rarely gets time to himself.

They also don't call my mother in law on a regular basis and never call my children, their only neices. It is difficult not to be upset at them. My husband has tried in the past to address the fact that mom isn't getting any younger and that a little bit of help occasionally would be greatly appreciated. I am also hurt that my children have two uncles who essentially ignore them. I am trying to come from a place of love but the message hasn't been heard and it is very upsetting to me to have them be so consumed in their own lives.

What's your advice for the LW (Letter Writer)? I've got some--which I'll share on Friday, along with responses to your comments. We've got a conversation topic planned for Wednesday, so stop back in then. (And you can always check out my personal blog or follow me on Twitter--robinabrahams.)
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Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at missconduct@globe.com.
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Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.

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