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Response to "Crazy, man"
I appreciated everyone's thoughtful comments on Monday's question, from a mental illness survivor bothered by terms like "nutcase" and "wackjob." I was appalled to hear the extent to which people apparently throw around diagnostic terms like "OCD" and "bipolar," as many of you reported. Ugh! I suppose one of the privileges of being a psychologist is that people tend not to do that around you (and if they do, they expect you to be all pedantic and snippy about it).
Those weren't the phrases that the LW was complaining about, but anyone who is offended by that kind of sloppy labeling of other people does, I think, have every right to say something about it.
I really like Elizabeth-Nugent's suggested response:
How about "Nah, she doesn't have that excuse. She's not mentally ill, she's just an *******."? (The system wouldn't let me type the word I wanted into there, but you can pretty much insert the expletive of your choice, anyway.)
When we get to more general terms -- "wackjob," "loopy," "nuts," and so on -- things are somewhat trickier. Those aren't psychiatric terms being used as slurs, they are slang, and slang that describes a universal experience: that of having to deal with another person whose desires, behavior, and reactions are unpredictable and incomprehensible to us. As long as we keep having that experience with our fellow human beings, we will keep coming up with colorful terms to describe their behavior.
Hence, I'd advise the LW to try to overlook these kinds of word use -- well, heck, I was going to say "for her own sanity," but this takes us right back into the problematic territory, doesn't it? Which is really at the heart of the issue. Almost all of our figures of speech, the metaphors we think with, come from our physical experience. Just look at these excerpts from commenters' responses:
MASH:Educating a person that these words are considered offensive to you may fall on deaf ears ...Sapphira:... if a friend says, "That's lame," and I agree with the sentiment but not the language, I'll say, "Yeah, that's definitely lousy."Jangles:That's offensive to people that have lice. Looks like you have another word to scratch off the list!
And Jim-in-Littleton wrote:
Should we eliminate the phrase "A cancer on society" because someone who's suffered from cancer might find it offensive? Should we stop giving people a "helping hand" because someone who lost a hand in a car accident might be offended?
This isn't just handwaving about "political correctness" and caterwauling, "Where will it all end?!" It's a genuine question. There is an entire field within cognitive science and linguistics that examines the body and physical experience as the source of our metaphors. (This Wikipedia article is a little dense, but a good overview.)
I realize that "nutjob" isn't a physical metaphor in the same way "falling on deaf ears" is, but it also refers to a near-universal experience (the incomprehensibility of an irrational Other Person), which makes me think that this may not be the kind of language use that is eradicable. Hence, my advice would be to learn to overlook it. If absolutely necessary, "Do you mind not using that term? I find it offensive," with no explanation, is all that needs to be said. We can only control our own behavior, but we certainly have the right to ask our friends, neighbors, and coworkers to make minor adjustments for us.
Finally, I wanted to highlight Green-Mountain-Views thoughtful distinction between fighting for social justice and standing up for yourself:
I remember being at the beginning of feminism I had the idea that I didn't like being discriminated against and I also didn't like the idea of women being discriminated against. It was hard for a while to separate the two. Eventually I learned the difference between sticking up for myself and trying to change society one derogatory term for women at a time. So, if something hits close to home, you can correct the terminology gently, or if something is simply an obnoxious use of a term then you can let it pass by if you don't want to be the poster-child for mental illness issues that day.
Stay cool, cats.
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About Miss Conduct
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at missconduct@globe.com.
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at missconduct@globe.com.
contributor
Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.
Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.
