Response to "Differences in shower invitations"?

Monday, I posted a question from a friend about differences in shower invitations. Do you invite everyone who came to the wedding, or only a select few? And is this a cultural difference, with Catholics on one side and Protestants (and most etiquette books) on the latter?

That's what my friend surmised, based on her acquaintances, but according to commenters, this isn't the case. (And that, folks, is why we in the social sciences like to say "The plural of anecdote isn't data.") You were all over the map about the primary purpose, ideal size, and enjoyableness (for both bride and guests) of showers. I liked cosmogirl's summation:

Sometimes every female guest is invited because the hostesses were taught that it's rude to exclude anyone. Other times, you might not be invited because the hostesses believe it should be for closest family and friends only. Let's face it -- showers are a leftover from the 1950s when young brides needed a ton of things to set up their first homes. That's rarely the case now, but the tradition goes on.

By nature, they're hopelessly boring, expensive for the hostesses, and carry the same sense of obligation as a wake. I've never heard anyone say "I'm SO looking forward to attending a shower this weekend!"

Indeed. There may also be generational differences; I suspect older shower hostesses are likely to go the "intimate" route, while younger people may be more concerned with inclusivity. Whether a shower is for 16 or 60, of course, some are motivated by love and fellowship and others by greed. We approve of the former more than the latter, but brides and guests should keep in mind that the primary purpose of showers is indeed gift giving. tourtle78 wrote:

There's a lot put out into the media and society about Bridezillas and how every woman turns into some money/gift-hungry selfish monster the moment she gets a ring on her finger. I don't think we do ourselves as women or society as a whole any favors by perpetuating those ideas and the idea that every bride is hosting wedding events for the sole purpose of fullfilling her Macy's registry. I personally find it offensive. Some of us have large families and lots of friends and invite people to events to *gasp* socialize with the people we love. And showers are also a great time for both sides of the family to spend more time together. How often will my mother get to spend time with my husband's aunt? Not too often. A shower can afford this opportunity without the stress and structure of the wedding day.

I agree about the Bridezilla meme (I wrote about Bride-chillas here) but a big shower is a big gift grab. It can be a loving, joyous, open-hearted gift grab, but it still is one. If you want to have a celebration that isn't a gift grab, don't call it a shower.

Finally, stardust462 wrote:

This question is at a perfect time for me. My Maid of Honor (who is hosting) and mother (who is helping her) seem to think that EVERY woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. Which would mean SEVENTY-FIVE invites, including several people I don't know or barely know (my fiance's coworkers and some of his family). Even with those cut, it would still be 40-50 people because I have a huge family that I'm close with and most of them live close enough that they can attend. But I feel like a snob saying I don't want to invite people I don't know well.

Hold fast, stardust462. You're in the clear on this one!