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Monday question: Quid pro "no"

Posted by Robin Abrahams  September 24, 2012 08:23 AM

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In the wake of Sunday's article about the difficulties of gift-giving, what do you think of this situation?

A friend we met through our kids sports activities recently got married. We did not attend their wedding and I have not sent a gift. He has three children from his first marriage and we had been invited to all his kids graduation celebrations and we were always there for him and gave each one a money gift. When my oldest graduated we invited him to a the graduation party and he did not attend and did not send a gift. My oldest son just graduated from college and again we invited our friend to a graduation party held a month before his wedding date. Again he did not attend and did not send a gift. 
I am very upset about it and would like to make him aware of my feelings and the reason why we did not attend his wedding. Is it even worth it? We have other good friends in common and although we do not socialize as often as we did when our kids were younger I know that sooner or later we will be getting together again. Am I being petty? Should I forget about and send them a gift or is there a polite way of letting him know how we feel? My husband is also hurt. Please help.
What do you think, dear readers? Post your advice & I'll summarize and add mine on Friday. And check back throughout the week--I've got more gift-giving tips, an interview with WGBH, and more coming up!
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About Miss Conduct
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at missconduct@globe.com.
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Who is Miss Conduct?

Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.

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Curious if you should say "bless you" to a sneezing atheist? How to host a dinner party for carbophobes, vegans, and Atkins disciples—all at the same time? The finer points of regifting? Ask it here, or email missconduct@globe.com.

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