Forget the chimps! The real key to management is the PEZ dispenser
FROM: Gerald ''Genghis" Cone, CEO, Mundane Industries
TO: Winslow ''Win-Win" Cheeseley, SR VP, HR
RE: Motivation
As you'll remember, I was in Chicago last week, getting a humanitarian award. (How do you spell ''humanitarian"? With five zeros.) At the dinner, I met a clever art director, name of Ted Alexander. He just sent me an article from the Chicago Tribune that made me think of you and all you haven't accomplished. It described workers who couldn't wait to get to work. One was so annoyed that he glared at management because ''he was supposed to have been at work on his computer at 1:30 p.m., but now it was 1:40 and the door to the room with the computer was locked so he couldn't enter."
And once at the computer, he did his work in one-quarter the allotted time, with no errors. Then he cleared out so the next eager worker could get busy. So here's a little contest for you. I want you to give me your best guess: How did the organization manage to accomplish that level of eagerness?
Win-Win To Genghis RE: RE: Motivation
Well, Boss, there are so many possibilities. I believe they must have started with excellent hiring procedures, including aptitude testing and screening by psychologists. Next, they must have a solid compensation program, undoubtedly with the help of compensation surveys. Finally, they must make use of great motivational tools. If you want to get specific, the motivating factor could have been a special training program, perhaps the one where all the employees go to a cemetery in hearses to dig graves for a day. Or maybe it was that hot new speaker, the blind paraplegic who climbed Mount Everest using only his teeth and a border collie. No, wait. I got it. I bet they did that new combined program, ''Good Cheese to Great Fish." Am I right?
Genghis To Win-Win RE: RE: RE: Motivation
No points for you, Cheeseley. The motivation for these computer operators consisted of, and I'm quoting the paper, ''little edible balls called Primatreats (in piña colada and banana flavors)," dispensed each time a task was completed accurately. These are CHIMPS, Cheeseley, at the Lincoln Park Zoo. They point at the right answers on a computer screen and when they get it right, the machine forks over one of the Primatreats. I think there's something to this. Check into it.
Win-Win To Genghis RE: RE: RE: RE: Motivation
Will do, Boss. I remember once hearing a speech by Sam Schoen, the founder of U-Haul. He said the reason his system for truck and trailer rentals worked so well was ''unused land and labor." (Back then, the U-Haul dealers were all in gas stations, and the station had extra room and the employees had extra time, so why not put in a few trailers and rent them out?) Ever since, I've kept my eyes open for unused land and labor, but I never saw it till I looked through your eyes. All those monkeys in all those zoos, just sitting around bored all day, willing to work for less than peanuts. Genius, Boss.
Genghis To Win-Win RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Motivation
No piña colada Primatreat for you, Cheeseley. I'm not talking about hiring apes; I'm talking about constant reinforcement. This is something more than just human nature -- it's animal nature -- and we ought to tap into it. The way it works now, if someone works very hard, they might get a bonus or a raise in six months or a year. That takes a lot of foresight, especially when your last survey showed that the average employee at Mundane Industries planned to leave in the next few months.
Win-Win To Genghis RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: MOTIVATION
Righto. Although I still think there's something to the chimps. I love that commercial where they're all bouncing around and smoking cigars. Great energy.
Genghis To Win-Win RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Motivation
Forget the chimps. Think about day-to-day reinforcement of behavior. You go 10 percent above the daily quota, and you leave 10 minutes early. You go above quota, and the next day is casual dress. You go above quota, and the next day you get paid more per hour. You get rewarded -- everyday. We'll call it ''PEZ-Dispenser Management," and we'll put on seminars. On the other hand, it would be cheaper to use electric shocks on those below quota, so check into that also.
Dale Dauten is a syndicated columnist. He can be reached at dale@dauten.com. 