The best leaders foment mutual respect
"I can argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -- Dave Barry
One of the most telling of organizational status symbols is the office door, announcing by its solid presence that you have conversations that others are not privy to, that you are a keeper of secrets.
And like all status symbols, the office door is trouble: "Why is her door closed?" and "What is he doing in there?" The door hangs upon hinges of suspicion. No wonder a few bosses elect to have their doors removed.
In my own case, back when I was trying to be an omniscient Answer Guy boss, I had employees coming to me with their problems, often closing my door to confide them. They would usually leave feeling better, and why not? They usually managed to leave a problem behind. Thus did I become the big behind.
There was one woman in particular who was a confirmed door-closer. She'd always ask first, and I'd always say, "Of course," and then she'd toss up some Snausage of gossip or personal conflict.
One day she said, "Can I close the door?" and, having a rough day, I was surprised to hear myself respond adamantly, "No, I don't want to hear anything today that requires a closed door." She couldn't have been any more stunned if I had reached into my desk, whipped out a live tuna by the tail, and slapped her with it. She turned and left, no doubt going into someone else's office and closing the door to talk about me. But, she never again asked to close the door.
There was a lesson there, or at least half of one. Later I learned to handle such instances more gracefully. I'd look concerned while asking, "What are you going to do about it?" The employee might make a second attempt to off-load the problem -- "I was hoping you had some suggestions" -- to which I would say, "Oh, I'm confident that you can solve it -- I bet you'll come up with something amazing." Once you have the wisdom to stop having the answers, it is indeed amazing what you can learn from what others do to solve their own problems.
What got me thinking about closing doors was reading about a study done for the staffing firm Accountemps. They asked executives, "What percentage of management time is wasted resolving staff personality conflicts?" As a former researcher, I could carp about the wording, but even given that it was a leading question, I was startled by the result: The mean was 18 percent. That's nearly one full day of each manager's week, every week.
At lunch with an old friend, John Genzale, one of the leaders I'd profiled in "The Gifted Boss," I mentioned the statistic, and did so with sad resignation. He said: "You act like that's too high. I think it's too low." Yes, my turn to look tuna-struck. He said: "One of the great problems with American business is conformity. People hiring people to 'fit in.' (He made a noise like an old Pontiac on a cold morning.) We need more conflict, not less." Clearly, he reveled in a debate, and that was also true of his style of management.
Later I asked another old friend, Dr. Richard Gooding, an effervescent strategy consultant, for his reaction. He said: "If you have perpetual conflict, you end up driving away people who avoid it, and that includes some of the best analytical and creative thinkers. So you don't get more diversity of opinions, you get less."
So now I had two people I admire seeming to be in conflict. But no, I didn't shut my door and forget about it. Rather, it provoked me to this realization: What organizations need is personality and personalities, but not personality conflict. The best leaders create an atmosphere of mutual respect while setting out goals that fill up the days with striving rather than conspiring. Done properly, the result is an executive office with frequent visits from employees who are glad to have the door open, eager to have everyone hear of their triumphs and contributions.
Dale Dauten is a syndicated columnist. He can be reached at dale@dauten.com. 