You can't beat asking point-blank sometimes
Q. The first time I met with the rep from a partner business, it was supposed to be just her, me, and another manager for some get-to-know-you coffee offsite; imagine my surprise when she showed up with two staff members and an agenda.
A few months later, the three of us were meeting for coffee again, and she showed up with her husband, and her 3-year-old son.
In advance of a third meeting, I sent along an agenda and explicitly asked her if she was thinking of bringing anyone else. She never answered my note and showed up with a colleague. I'm not sure what to make of all this. We've managed to hold offsite meetings where she hasn't brought anyone as well. I'd appreciate advice on what I can do so our meeting time is not compromised.
M.W., Cambridge
A. Sometimes, looking a person in the eye and asking them is the best solution. You have a concern and you want an answer. Ask her. Nicely. How you do it matters.
"Jane, what's going on, you don't answer my e-mails, you bring other people unannounced. What's the problem?"
This approach doesn't solve the problem because the focus will be on your abruptness.
"Jane, I've been concerned about something and I'd like to talk to you. It seems each time we have a meeting that's meant to be between us, you bring other people. Is there an issue that I should know about?"
This approach brings the problem out into the open in a nonconfrontational manner.
Q. My job responsibilities are similar to those of a recently fired co-worker. My boss sends me e-mails and talks to me in person about what the other co-worker did wrong. Just a day ago, I received an e-mail from my boss accusing me of a mistake that, in fact, someone else in our group caused and my boss mentioned the terminated employee and said I was doing what the terminated employee used to do. What do I do?
A.M.T., Franklin
A. The boss tells you what the former co-worker did wrong and then points out to you that you are making the same errors when, in fact, you aren't?
It's time to talk to your boss (not e-mail your boss), before you follow the co-worker out the door.
Base the conversation on your concern and not on his poor communication or managerial skills. "Mr. Smith, I asked for this meeting because I'd like to correct an impression you have that I made a mistake which was actually made by someone else."
Be prepared to back up your statement with facts. It's also a good idea to review your job responsibilities and how your boss wants them done.
