How to buy a goof-proof wedding gift
Susan McDonough, the merchandise manager for table tops and gifts at Shreve, Crump & Low, Boston's venerable jewelry store, has three words for wedding guests looking for the perfect gift for New England brides and grooms: The Gurgling Cod.
The pitcher, which makes a gurgling sound when liquid is poured from it, is ''a classic," says McDonough, ''a piece of art." She suggests the elegant blue crystal design for $195, but it would be wise to include a gift receipt. A few couples each wedding season, McDonough admits, ''don't quite get what it is."
Buying wedding gifts is tough. Registries, where couples go to stores and choose what they'd like guests to buy them, have made things much easier.
But even that can get complicated. And some guests simply enjoy choosing gifts on their own to help the couple start their lives.
Let's start with the etiquette expert first. Peggy Post, director of the Emily Post Institute, and author of ''Emily Post's Etiquette 17th Edition: The Definitive Guide to Manners," rejects the notion that guests should feel obligated to buy gifts from a registry.
''They're popular and make a lot of sense, but it's not mandatory," said Post, the sister-in-law of Boston Globe columnist Peter Post. ''It is the guests' choice to select something they think the couple would like. Some couples think it's wonderful when they receive a surprise. Some are great and some are, well, unusual." Post advises to find out what the couple likes, what their hobbies are, and buy accordingly.
Carley Roney, editor in chief and cofounder of TheKnot.com, conducted a survey of thousands of newlyweds and they said ''above all else," buy from the registry. Roney advises guests not to try to get creative with gifts (that means you, pottery bowl Patty) ''unless you are extremely close to the couple and are practically nationally recognized for your talents.
''Otherwise, you are putting yourself and them in a potentially awkward situation." Good generic gifts, Roney said: a year's subscription to Netflix or iTunes gift cards. ''But no silver frames. Brides told us they got 10 of them."
Roney advised gift-buyers not to be afraid to be boring. ''People in the survey said they were dying to get their bedding. They want that KitchenAid stand mixer." And, she noted, so many couples are marrying later in life (the average age of American brides is 27) they have lived on their own, or with their betrothed, and they want the big-ticket items to complete the household.
Lynn and Chris Fiandaca of Leominster were married April 16, and although their advice would be for guests to stick to the registry or give cash, Lynn said she also received -- and loves -- several items she didn't expect: restaurant gift certificates from their Florida honeymoon destination, a step ladder, Home Depot gift cards, and a homemade afghan and embroidered pillowcases. ''Things like that are so touching," she said.
Speaking of which, McDonough said she likes to encourage people to buy a crystal vase or crystal bowl and place a special note inside the box.
''I tell them it's the husband's obligation to keep them filled with flowers at all times," she said.
Doreen Iudica Vigue can be reached at dvigue@globe.com. 
