Smoothing things out
Josh Hoch helps settle arguments for a living.
As director of court and divorce mediation at Mediation Works Inc., Hoch supervises 80 mediators in 13 Massachusetts district courts, including Newton and Wrentham.
Was he a born peacekeeper? ``You could say that, but I might have also been the troublemaker," Hoch said with a smile.
His childhood gave him an appreciation of how complicated life can get. He lost his mother to cancer when he was in fourth grade. His father remarried twice.
Hoch is quick to stress that he doesn't dictate compromises in his work; rather, he helps his clients reach them. ``I don't know what's going to work for my clients or what their interests are, so I don't suggest anything," he said. ``Mediators empower people to come up with their own options."
He first teases out the most important issues to each side, then encourages the adversaries to brainstorm options that promote common interests.
Those adversaries may be a mother and a daughter, though Hoch says at times parents have been skeptical about the value of his services.
He says many parents have told him: Why should I go to a mediator? I have all the power." To which he replies: ``How powerful are you when your child doesn't come home? Or when you see the report card and your child is failing?"
Hoch has had families write up agreements. The terms can be surprising, such as one that included: ``Mother will wake daughter up by tickling her feet."
In talking with an 11-year-old girl who had been acting out, Hoch discovered that she was feeling unloved. She missed the affectionate way her mother used to get her out of bed. Her mother explained she had stopped the tickling because she thought her daughter would find it embarrassing now that she was in middle school.
Hoch talks about his failures as well as his successes, such as a divorce case in which neither parent was willing to take custody of the children.
``They wanted to travel and go back to school, and said they just didn't have the time," said Hoch. ``It was a very disturbing case." The state Department of Social Services wound up taking the children.
In addition to the courts, Mediation Works does corporate work and counts among its clients Coca-Cola, BMW North America, and the US Postal Service. One case involved an employee who sued his company for discrimination based on physical disability. The employee said that some of the waiting areas in the corporate headquarters did not offer seating that could accommodate someone his size, 400 pounds, and he found it humiliating to have to stand. The solution: adding sofas to the waiting areas.
Hoch's interest in mediation was sparked by a paragraph in a textbook. At the time, he was studying pre-law at UMass-Amherst. He took a mediation class, volunteered to take on some cases, and soon was hooked.
As a young mediator, Hoch recalls, he almost blew one of his first cases -- a lawsuit over $2,000. When the elderly defendant offered to pay $5 a month, Hoch chuckled and said, ``OK. Let's get serious now. What do you want to agree to?"
The co mediator, who was acting as his mentor, kicked Hoch under the table and saved the day by turning to the other party and saying, ``We're hearing that she wants to pay $5 a month. How does that sound to you?"
The response: ``If that's what she can afford and that's what she's willing to do, I'm OK with it."
Hoch said he learned a lot that day.
Hoch says his mediating experience has helped his personal life, as in the case of the ex-roommate who had trouble making up his mind.
``When I went home, I would use my skills to help him think through what he wanted to do, so it wasn't always me making the plans and deciding where to go."
On occasion, his girlfriend, an emergency room nurse, will sometimes joke, ``Are you doing that mediation stuff on me again?"
Hoch shares that mediation stuff at Newton Community Education, where he teaches Mediation as a Career and a course on divorce mediation.
The 30-year-old Hoch lets off steam playing on an indoor soccer team in Newton. At his girlfriend's urging, he has also taken up running -- no doubt, after some spirited negotiation.
Mediation Works Inc. is on the Web at www.mwi.org; Newton Community Education at www.newtoncommunityed.org.
PROVIDING BOOKS BEHIND BARS: Every couple of weeks, Jane Handel of Needham slips a package to someone at the front gate of MCI- Framingham.
The package contains something not so easy to find behind bars: children's books.
Since A Book from Mom was launched last year, about 3,500 books have made their way into the prison and out to children separated from their mothers.
``Everyone deserves a new book," said the 16-year-old Needham High sophomore. ``I thought this would provide a mother with something to give, and that's so hard to do if you're in prison."
Nearly two-thirds of the 677 women in the prison are mothers, according to a count this month. They have 975 children among them.
Pointing out that the average education level of the inmates is sixth grade, Handel said that ``just searching for a book for their child encourages literacy."
Handel came up with the idea for the program after working on a community service project at Pollard Middle School that involved sorting through cast off books that could be sent to schools in need across the country.
Excited about giving away books, Handel wanted to start another project and run her own show. A neighbor suggested helping out MCI-Framingham.
Despite being the program's founder, Handel has yet to see it in action. Unless you have a relative inside, you have to be at least 18 to visit the prison. So Handel delivers the books at the gate to Rhonda Coleman, the prison's director of family services.
A number of local organizations have contributed books, including Barnes & Noble in Framingham, which two years running has chosen A Book From Mom as its winter charity.
Handel speaks with a soft but confident voice, a good combination for another volunteer effort -- answering phones for The Samaritans teen suicide prevention hot line. She took a 30-hour training class that included role-playing and meeting with people who had attempted suicide.
Handel says callers include those just feeling a bit down, rape victims, and teens who indeed sound suicidal.
``There are regulars who check in every week and talk about their day, and others who are desperate for a solution but don't know what to do," she said.
Handel said her role is not to give advice but mainly just to listen. ``It's helpful for people to have someone to talk to and not feel they're being judged."
``This has been an especially difficult year," she said. Four Needham teens have taken their lives in the last two years, two of whom were from her neighborhood.
Despite her accomplishments, Handel says she prefers to stay out of the spotlight, except when she's on a stage. Singing and acting are among her favorite interests. Reading, not surprisingly, tops the list.
Right now, she's immersed in Nell Bernstein's ``All Alone in the World: Children of the Incarcerated," a book that her mother, Elizabeth, a Needham physician, picked up at the library.
To donate to A Book From Mom, send checks to Needham Cooperative Bank, 106 Great Plain Ave., Needham 02492, or call 781-444-2100.
Neil H. Smith of Weston has been named CEO of InterGen, a global power-generation firm. . . . Charles Carter of Newton has been appointed director of The Massachusetts Child Welfare Institute. . . . Nicole Dreier and Jena Daya , eighth-graders at the Benjamin Franklin Classical Charter Public School in Franklin, raised $4,300 for the Make-a-Wish Foundation through an auction.
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