Manager's scent giving you a headache?
Q. How do I tell my boss that I get an instant headache from her perfume (and that I can smell it 15 minutes later even after she leaves the room)? I have made general comments that I am sensitive to perfumes and that they give people headaches, but she's not picking up on the hint.
M.L., Anaheim, Calif.
A. Far too often, people "drop hints" and hope that an offender will get the message. Unfortunately, more often than not, nothing happens. Why? Because the offender clearly doesn't see the connection between the hints and her behavior. That's your problem here. If you want to change the situation, you must approach your boss gently, but without any ambiguity. How you approach your boss can make a difference in gaining her cooperation.
Ask to talk with her in private at a time when you will not be interrupted. Let her know three things immediately: If the tables were turned, you hope she'd talk to you; this is an incredibly difficult thing for you to do, but you believe it's important for her own success and for the success of the business; and while it's an issue for you, you're concerned it could be an issue for others as well including clients and prospects.
Your conversation could start like this: "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I have to tell you how difficult it is for me to bring up this subject, but if the tables were turned, I hope you would be confident in our relationship and be willing to talk to me. It's a topic that I think is important for you and your success and frankly, for the success of the business as well. What I want to talk to you about is scents, in particular scents at the office. What doesn't bother one person can affect another very strongly, even causing, headaches, rashes, and other physical reactions. Are you aware of how strong the scent of your perfume is in the office?" Once the topic has been broached, keep the conversation focused on the issue and not on making comments that become personal attacks like "I can't believe you don't notice how people always sit on the opposite side of the table from you during meetings."
Because more and more people are making their scent sensitivities known, the use of scent is becoming more of an issue in the workplace. When companies don't have scent policies, then individuals have to address the problem between each other. As you are now experiencing, deciding how to approach the person is difficult and causes stress. By making it a matter of policy, it ceases to be a personal issue between individuals.
