Etiquette at Work guru Peter Post tackles thorny cubicle issues each week in the Sunday Globe's Money & Careers section. But does anyone take his advice? Peter followed up with one of his recent correspondents, M.C. from St. Louis, who wrote:
What do you say to a person who pulls your hair at work? Co-workers seem to feel they can come up behind me and tug at my hair. My response has been to ignore it and fume inside. Any advice?
Peter's advice:
I can't imagine why anyone in an office environment, or anywhere else, would think that pulling a person's hair was appropriate behavior. Usually, I tell people to talk to the perpetrator in private. In your case, an immediate response is called for. Your silence is telling others in the office that the behavior is appropriate. Your response should be direct and serious, not a joke or an off-the-cuff comment. "Jane (or Tom - gender doesn't matter), what do you think you are doing? Please do not pull my hair again. If you do, I'll have to report your behavior." Not only will the person doing the pulling get the message loud and clear, so will everyone else in the office.
M.C.'s response:
M.C. couldn't bring herself to confront the chief hair-puller, a co-worker she has known for years.
"I know they have a good heart. I would have felt bad addressing the issue with the person in a public forum like that. Instead, I'm chalking it up to something that goes with the working environment. I think when I wrote the letter, it had just been one of those days."
It turns out that more than one person has pulled on her hair. The next time another colleague is tempted to tug, M.C. plans to follow Peter's principles. Peter's advice "reinforced what I thought I should do and how I should deal with it," she says. "It makes me uncomfortable not to say or do anything because when other people are there, it's like saying 'It's OK to disrespect me.' I don't want that."
