Co-workers are incensed by scents
Q. How do you handle an irritating co-worker? Her bathing in perfume and the very strong hand lotion that she uses really bothers us. We have tried getting the only one she really speaks with to carefully say something to her. The scent lingers at the copier, printer, and fax. Her office is right by the entrance to the workplace. I have talked to the office manager about it, but I'm not sure he talked to her. It really irritates some of us who have allergies. I've tried writing about office etiquette and giving it to the entire office, but nothing seems to work.
P.S., Texas
A. You've taken the appropriate first steps: having a friend speak with her and asking your office manager to intervene. Still, the message hasn't gotten through. Success depends upon making the offender not only aware that she has a problem, but also getting her to agree to a solution.
There are five steps to a successful conversation:
1) Speak to the offender in private.
2) Be empathetic. Make it clear that if the shoe was on the other foot, you hope the offender would talk with you.
3) Express concern that the problem is affecting the offender's success.
4) State that there's a problem and ask if she's aware of it: This is an important step because the offender must answer yes or no. "Sarah, I asked to talk to you about something that's very difficult for me to bring up. The one thing I know for sure is that if the situation was reversed, I hope you'd be willing to talk to me as a friend. I care about you and your success here, but there's something that may impact your success. Did you know that your perfume and hand lotion are bothering other people in the office?"
Finally, there's the all-important step 5) buy in. The offender needs to agree to any proposed solution. If the friend missed any of these steps, it might be worth repeating the conversation and taking a more direct approach.
Similarly, if the manager wasn't direct with the employee or didn't get the employee's "buy in" to a solution, chances of the behavior changing are slim. Writing an office memorandum won't wake the offender up to recognize the problem in herself, either.
If there's still no improvement, then, as a group, take the matter to your manager or to the human resources department. Propose that the company craft a "no scent" policy. Base your arguments on the facts: it's affecting people with certain allergies and it's disturbing to a productive work environment. Otherwise, you're going to have to accept the situation as is.
Peter Post is the great-grandson of manners guru Emily Post and is the director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt. 