Bread basket raises concerns about crummy manners at business dinners

Q. When at a business dinner at a high-end restaurant that serves a loaf of bread rather than individual pieces, is it proper to break the bread into pieces for the entire table or should a knife be used to cut the bread?

M.H., Dallas

A. Grasping the bread with a bare hand can be disturbing to others at the table. Tearing off pieces just adds to the offense. If you're served a whole loaf without the cloth or knife, ask the wait person to bring them. Then, it's perfectly appropriate to cut several pieces for the table and certainly more considerate than just cutting a piece for yourself.

Q. I work for a company of consultants. One of our clients has invited its staff and all the consultants to a business luncheon in December. I rotate weeks working one in Pittsburgh (at home) and one in Buffalo at the client's office. The luncheon is scheduled while I'll be in Pittsburgh. I have already been asked about my schedule by my company's project manager, and I explained that I do not want to alter my schedule nor do I wish to attend. I'm at the end of my career so it's not a concern to me. I'm earning enough and do not need to advance. My company may need the business, so if they want to attend I wish them well. I'm paid by the hour and will not be paid to attend the luncheon. Shouldn't my "No thank you" be proper?

P.C., Pittsburgh

A. Assuming the luncheon is a social one, you have no obligation to attend. It's fine for you to decline the luncheon since you won't be in town on that date and whether you attend or not won't affect your career. Be sure to thank your hosts for the invitation, even if you decline. If the meeting is strictly a business luncheon, then you may want to reconsider. Your presence may be important to your company. Rather than turning the invitation down out of hand, consider talking with your manager about the purpose of the luncheon and the logistical difficulties and seeing if there isn't a solution that works for you and the company.

Peter Post is the great-grandson of manners guru Emily Post and is the director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt.

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