Here comes the bride, but can the guests afford a faraway wedding?
These days, it costs as much to have a wedding as it does to buy a new car. Conde Nast Bridal Group, which publishes the magazines Brides, Modern Bride, and Elegant Bride, says the average amount spent on weddings has increased to $27,852, up from $15,208 in 1990.
But as couples spend more, so do those who attend and those who are part of the ceremony. For example, an increasing percentage of couples are choosing ``destination" weddings, meaning they fly to some neutral location, often a resort with a beach. Guests usually have to fly in at their own cost.
About 16 percent of couples have a destination wedding, a 400 percent increase in the past 10 years, according to Conde Nast. They spend an average of $25,806, with 63 guests attending.
One recent guest, who spoke on the condition that she would not be named, for fear of retaliation from the happy couple, said she was not so happy when she found out how much she and her family would have to pay to attend a Caribbean wedding. The airfares alone cost $1,200.
``They picked the most expensive resort on the island at $600 a night," the woman said. ``That just flipped me out. I thought it was a huge imposition to put that kind of financial burden on us."
A reader wrote: ``I have a very close girlfriend who is hosting a wedding this December outside the country. The price for my husband and [me] to attend is roughly $3,000. We just bought a house and do not want to take from our emergency savings to go. Is that wrong? She was at our wedding and is upset that we are not going."
I've heard from other wedding guests with the same experience when they, too, balked at an invitation to attend a wedding for which they would have had to spend several thousand dollars.
``With the majority of our friends opting for destination weddings, there will be no way we will be able to go to most of them -- be it for financial reasons or vacation-time issues," one woman wrote. She went on to say, ``I have felt that these couples were somewhat annoyed and angry with us. As in, `We attended yours, so you must attend ours.' Some nagged us about attending. Others acted surprised at our declining the invitation and kept asking us why, and some who had openly talked about their plans would refuse to discuss them again with us after receiving our decline. Just because I would miss the event did not mean I wouldn't enjoy hearing about it."
Since when did an invitation become an order?
It's most certainly not wrong or poor etiquette to decline a wedding invitation if you can't afford to attend for financial or any other reasons. If a bride or groom or both order you to come or else, choose the ``or else." You'll be better off.
``As a friend, you don't want to have to put your friends in the position of having to defend why they can't afford to come to your wedding," said Millie Martini Bratten, editor of Brides magazine. ``What you can do is say, `I understand where you are coming from, and if there is any way possible you can come or you have a change of mind, you are welcome on the guest list.' " Bratten advises that if you are planning a destination wedding, or if the ceremony is at a location that will require guests to spend quite a bit of money, there are some things you can do to minimize the costs.
In August, Conde Nast is publishing ``Brides: Honeymoons and Weddings Away," which will include tips on how to budget better when planning a destination wedding, she said.
And what about gifts? Are you obligated to buy the couple a gift if you spend big bucks to attend the nuptials?
Bratten says the gift can be small, such as a nice framed photo of the couple from the wedding.
``We have told our guests that the best present they could give us is to be there to share the wedding with us," Daly said. ``No gift is necessary, and we aren't just saying that to be polite."
Now that's class.
Michelle Singletary is a columnist for The Washington Post. 
