Mixing business with pleasure
Q. I'm planning to have a party at my home for some friends. I'd like to invite certain co-workers, but not others. Is this OK, or is the correct office etiquette to invite everyone or no one? Our office is small (under 15 people).
L.W., Boston
A. There's no rule that says you have to invite everyone from work, even if there are only two or three people in your office -- much less 15. This is a personal, social occasion, so treat it as such: Don't talk about the event at work, and don't extend invitations to people while they're at work. Call or write them at home, instead. That way , there will be no hurt feelings.
Q. In a previous column, you wrote: "Many companies have policies restricting employees from discussing salaries because of the misunderstandings that can arise when one employee realizes that his or her salary is different from someone else's."
I'd say that many companies don't want employees comparing salaries because unjustified differences in pay can then be confirmed and acted upon. Encouraging people to adhere to this rule smacks of conspiring with the employer.
L.S., Lille, France
A. Actually, my interest isn't in protecting employers, but in preventing situations that make people uncomfortable around their co-workers. From an etiquette standpoint, asking anyone how much he or she makes is considered nosy and boorish.
Even if you're comfortable asking, the question may make your colleague uncomfortable. If, on top of that, you start belly-aching to co-workers about how unfair it is that you make less than the other person, he or she will rue the day they ever got into a salary conversation with you.
You'll compound their discomfort even more if you complain to management about the discrepancy. And don't think management will be impressed : It could well be that, from your boss's perspective, the discrepancy is totally justified.
If, on the other hand, your co-worker makes less than you do, he or she may justifiably wonder whether you're really concerned about a possible inequity or are just playing a game of one-upmanship. Are you really willing to go to management and complain that your colleague's salary is unreasonable and that he or she should get a raise (or perhaps your salary should be lowered)?
In the end, there's very little chance of a positive outcome from any salary conversation with a co-worker, regardless of how your salaries compare. I'm sticking by my advice -- and it has nothing to do with taking the employer's side.
