How would I address a formal letter to a married, same-sex couple?
Q Here in Massachusetts, same-sex marriage is legal. How would I address a formal letter to a married, same-sex couple? Also, what salutation should I use in the letter?
B.C., Pittsfield
A With same-sex couples where one person has taken the last name of the other, the form is: Mr. John Doe and Mr. Samuel Doe, or Mr. John and Mr. Samuel Doe. The formal salutation would be "Dear Mr. John Doe and Mr. Samuel Doe." With couples where both people have kept their last names, the form is: Mr. John Doe and Mr. Samuel Smith. The formal salutation would be "Dear Mr. John Doe and Mr. Samuel Smith." In either case, remember to write both names on one line on the envelope to acknowledge their status as a married couple.
Q When does one tip a wine steward in a restaurant -- and does the size of the tip depend on the cost of the wine?
M.K., Marlton, N.J.
A The amount of the tip absolutely depends on the wine's cost. You should leave a tip equal to 15 to 20 percent of the cost of any wine you order. If a wine steward helped you select the wine and then opened and poured the bottle for you, the tip should be given directly to him or her. When you get the check at the end of the meal, remember to deduct the wine's cost before figuring your 15 to 20 percent tip for the wait staff, so you don't tip twice for the wine. If the total check is $300 before tax, including a $100 bottle of wine, then (assuming a 20 percent tip) you would tip the steward $20 for the wine, and tip the wait staff $40 for the remaining $200 on your bill. If no steward provides service, the wait staff gets tipped for the entire $300 check -- a tip of $60.
Q Is it OK to invite a guest to my bridal shower but not to my wedding?
M.Y., Burlington
A Not exactly a business question, but one that's on a lot of people's minds this time of year, as the wedding season hits full stride.
In a nutshell, you should never invite someone to a bridal shower if you're not also going to invite that person to the wedding. The one exception is an office shower: In this case, it's not required that co-workers be invited to the wedding. Two other pieces of advice: If someone is invited to more than one shower, she only needs to bring a gift to the first shower; and if a person declines a shower invitation, she is not obligated to send a gift.
