To wait, or not to wait
Q. My co-workers and I frequently have group dinners at which eight or more of us -- sometimes as many as 20 -- are seated at a table. I've told my colleagues that "when more than eight, no need to wait," meaning that if there are more than eight diners, people should eat as they're served rather than wait for the entire table to be served. Lately, a couple of colleagues have questioned whether my rule is self-prescribed or an actual rule of etiquette. Please advise.
T.D., Framingham, MA
A. To wait or not to wait -- that's the question. The answer varies: If there's a host at a business meal, you should wait until the host either starts eating or invites you to start eating. If there is no host, then once three or more people have been served, they may all begin eating. The reason is simple: That way your food won't cool while you wait for others to be served.
Q. As a paralegal, I come into daily contact with professional clients. My problem is that I don't like to shake hands with people. Typically, when a hand is extended to me for shaking, I just ignore it and keep talking as if I hadn't noticed. Can you suggest another, more polite way to decline shaking hands in a professional environment?
M.E., Pensacola, FL
A. Every time I give a seminar presentation on introductions, I conduct a demonstration in which I approach a participant and offer to shake hands while introducing myself. Invariably, the participant shakes hands with me. Then I repeat the introduction, but tell the participant not to extend his hand when I offer to shake. It becomes immediately obvious to everyone in the seminar how uncomfortable the situation is when a person refuses to shake hands.
Simply leaving a person standing with his hand shaking empty air is a mistake. A handshake is the first step in meeting someone and building a relationship. By not shaking hands, and not saying anything about why you're not, you're appearing rude. This is not a good way to start building a business relationship. My first suggestion is to realize the importance of shaking hands and change your ways. If hygiene is a concern, try shaking hands and then, after a couple of minutes, excusing yourself to a restroom where you can wash up. If this is simply impossible, or if you have a religious or medical reason for not shaking hands, then at least acknowledge your unwillingness by saying, "Please excuse me for not shaking hands, Jim, but it is really a pleasure to meet you."
