Q. My boss and I sit right next to each other. The problem is, she talks to herself all day long. I feel like I'm going through every motion of her job with her. How can I respectfully get her to stop?
C. L. F., Atlanta
A. Most people's rude behavior is unintentional. Most likely, that's the case with your boss. Her talking to herself is probably a habit, and she probably isn't even aware she is doing it. And even if she is aware she's doing it, she probably doesn't realize what a negative impact it's having on you. It's clear from your question that doing nothing and simply putting up with her behavior isn't a solution. The alternative is to talk with her about the problem.
The key is to schedule a neutral time to speak with her, when you're not feeling completely frustrated by her behavior. Your conversation could start like this: "Marge, thank you for meeting with me. I appreciate you being willing to listen. I want to discuss something that's difficult for me to bring up. But the one thing I know for sure is that if the tables were reversed, I hope you would speak with me. With us sitting so close to each other, it's hard for me to concentrate and get my work done when you're talking out loud to yourself. Do you know that you often do this?"
Asking the question is important, because it brings her into the conversation and gives her a chance to acknowledge either that she's aware of her behavior or that she's not. From here you can begin problem-solving. Her not talking to herself out loud is one approach. Alternatively, could ear buds and an MP3 player work as a means of drowning her out? Is moving farther away from her a possibility? Whatever you decide, the goal is to engage her in the process and then work together to develop a creative and effective solution.
Q. How do you respond to co-workers who insist on having potluck meals and dressing up for Halloween, Christmas, and other holidays when you're really not interested or it's contrary to your beliefs? With the holiday season on us, I feel pushed to participate in order to show I'm part of the team.
N.L., Aurora, Colo.
A. Meeting people part way is the best solution. Not participating at all does alienate you from the team. On the other hand, nobody should feel coerced to do things contrary to their beliefs. Consider bringing a potluck dish but not wearing a costume, or participating in an officewide gift exchange but declining the after-hours get together at a local restaurant, or whatever combination works for your needs.
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