She makes more than he does in one out of three American households. That's a break from tradition that requires adjustments in everything from the family budget to how spouses talk to each other.
"It's a big emotional thing," says Theresa Krueg, a financial adviser in Chandler, Ariz., who out-earns her husband. "The responsibility can be difficult on a marriage. The women don't always want it; they take it."
Not that Krueg is complaining. She became her family's top earner when husband, Jeff Krueg, decided to turn down a transfer and walk away from his always-on-the-road job so they could spend more time together as a family with their four children. He stayed home for a year, and she stepped into a more competitive and high-paying job. Now, he's an executive at WealthTrust Arizona, the same place she works, and she still out-earns him.
The Kruegs' situation is getting more typical. Women are graduating from college in greater numbers than men and are also less likely to interrupt careers to raise children for as long as they once did. So the female-breadwinner model may be coming soon to a family near you. Here's how to make the most of it.
Enjoy the cash. Dual-career couples can enjoy luxuries like extra vacations, bigger retirement savings, and a nicer house. Of course, in some families, the woman is the only wage earner so the extra cash isn't there.Use some of it to buy your way out of fights. In many marriages, spouses do have different standards of housekeeping. If both partners are working, it's not all going to get done, at least not without major stress and exhaustion. Use some of that extra income to pay for housecleaning, or cooking, or lawn mowing, or whatever neither of you wants to do.Share authority and expertise. If he's home all day with the kids, it's not fair for her to come home and complain about the way he's diapering or parenting. If one person acts as the combined career, homemaking, and parenting expert, it upsets the balance of power in the marriage in ways that can be very detrimental. "You have to be careful that you don't turn into the boss," says Theresa Krueg. "It's not fair to say 'You stay home and take care of the kids, but I want it done my way.' "Upgrade her disability coverage. Women are more likely to become disabled than men. If the family's counting on her salary, make sure you've covered it with adequate life insurance (which most people think of) and disability insurance (which most people don't think of.)Upgrade his retirement savings. If he's staying home with the kids or earning modest amounts at work, make sure the couple is contributing to a spousal IRA or other retirement account for him.Try to keep your money talks as dispassionate as possible. The Kruegs tend to discuss their budget issues with paper; she'll show him the bills she's paid; they'll make a list of what needs to get paid, and so on. She also suggests that couples who feel the need to iron out financial differences should do so in the morning, over coffee, instead of at night, over wine.Separate some money. It's good for each partner to have a separate checking account, says Theresa Krueg. If nothing else, this will prevent spouses from each using their debit card on the same day thus overdrawing the account. It gives each partner the dignity to buy something without having to ask. It also allows each partner to build financial security. Both partners should have their names on credit cards and home mortgages, so each establishes and keeps a credit history.Know that everything has a cost, and make your peace with what you're giving up. The 70-hour-a-week career-track mom may not be around to bake cookies. Mom may get tougher, as Krueg says she did, from having the midnight pressures of being the main support of her family.Get used to it. Most couples in which women out-earn men continue that way, according to a Princeton study. And despite a recent report that the post-college "wage gap" between men and women persists, there are more younger women out-earning their husbands than ever. Perhaps, a generation from now, the issue won't even be a blip on a couple's screen. Linda Stern is a freelance writer. She can be reached at lindastern@aol.com. 
© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company.
