There's one thing to be said about celebrity train-wreck marriages: Folks like Alex Rodriguez, Phil Collins, and Morgan Freeman can afford to make big fat divorce settlements, and move on.
That's not so true for most people. Tough economic times are making it even tougher for them to split up at all. Unhappy couples cohabitate even as their marriages break up, because they can't sell their houses. Spouses worried about the weak job market can't see paying lawyers tens of thousands of dollars.
Yet staying together for the sake of the MasterCard bill is probably not the best way to go, either. The relationship continues to deteriorate, the kids suffer, and the finances don't improve enough to make a difference.
There are new specialists, however, including mediators, divorce financial planners, and forensic accountants, who can make the financial part of divorce easier. Some guidelines:
Get info. A clear picture of where each spouse stands is critical. Find out how much the house is really worth. Add up all of the credit card bills. If there's reason to believe a spouse may be concealing money, hire a certified public accountant who specializes in forensics - finding hidden money.Get tax and financial advice. This isn't the same as legal advice. The way you structure alimony, retirement transfers, and home sales can make a huge difference in how much is left.Dump the house. It is often typical for the wife to want to keep the house, particularly if there are children involved. But in many cases she can't really afford to keep it up, and trades valuable assets such as retirement savings just to hold on to the property. In today's tough real estate market, some couples are finding they have to negotiate short sales - selling the house at a price below what's owed on the mortgage and getting the bank to accept the lower payment as payment in full. If you owe more than you own look for an attorney who is a short-sale specialist.Talk about college. Children of divorce are less successful at completing college than children of intact marriages, and that's often because the parents split without coming to terms with who will pay those whopping tuition bills. The more specific the agreement on this, the better. Decide early on what percentage each spouse will pay.Consider kick-out clauses. Some spouses are reluctant to pay alimony because they worry that their job might disappear, so they write emergency clauses into their agreement that allow them to trim the alimony if they suffer a financial setback. That's fine, says Stacy Francis, a New York divorce financial analyst, as long as it goes both ways. What if the alimony-paying spouse wins the lottery?Mediate. More couples are realizing that if they can negotiate the finances and the custody themselves, they can save big bucks. You'll still want a lawyer to look over the agreement.Linda Stern is a freelance writer. She can be reached at lindastern@aol.com. 
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