With holidays near, cash short, it's time for 'the talk' (the other one) with kids

For a lot of folks, one of the hardest things about the holiday season this year will be in giving less to their children because they just don't have the money.

But you have to have the talk.

In my household, my husband and I have always held down the expense of Christmas, whatever our income, because we are conscientious objectors to the excessive consumerism of the holiday. We also have the talk with our children to manage their expectations.

So this year, like years before, I started the conversation with my 13-year-old by asking what she wanted for Christmas. Without any guilt, I struck down her two top requests - a cellphone and a laptop computer. She has a desktop computer. I didn't even entertain the idea of getting a cellphone for a child who has no job and rarely goes anywhere without supervision by an adult (with a cellphone).

My teen rolled her eyes and gave me a look that said I should think twice about going down the stairs before her. But she doesn't scare me.

Then I told my 8-year-old that the economy is bad and that Santa has a lot less money to build and give out toys. She paused and then said: "Well, can you ask Santa to get me a remote-controlled truck?"

My daughter explained that she wanted to replace her 10-year-old brother's truck, which she had broken.

Don't you love it when your child shows you that you might be doing something right as a parent?

Her brother, after being told he wasn't getting much, asked for a few inexpensive things.

Here's the point: You are a fool to spend much of anything this year, even for your children, if you've lost a job or suspect a layoff is coming. You are a fool to spend on gifts if you have credit card debt that you haven't paid off.

You shouldn't be spending anything if you are struggling to make your mortgage, rent, car, or student loan payment.

Is this harsh advice?

Yes, it is, and especially so if you have children. Christmas is their big day. Think brides on their wedding day. Kids get keyed up at the first sight of Christmas decorations.

And yet do I have to remind you of the current economic climate, where none of us can be 100 percent sure that our jobs are secure?

Man up (or woman up) and have the talk. Don't punk out because 'tis the season or you hate to disappoint your kids. Use this trying time to teach your children by example to recognize their limitations and that there is no shame in having financial limitations.

By discussing with them that money is tight, you are admitting that at times you can't do or get what you want. You are teaching them you can't spend what you don't have.

Have the talk. It may go better than you think.

Michelle Singletary is a columnist for The Washington Post. She can be reached at singletarym@washpost.com.