A few tips for coping with the strains brought on by financial hardship
As the recession continues to roll along, it is taking an emotional toll on a lot of folks. So I asked Celeste Owens, a licensed psychologist and former faculty member at the University of Maryland, to help answer questions from people struggling to survive in this economy. Following is a transcript of that chat, which was held recently on washingtonpost.com:
Q. It’s getting more and more difficult to listen to my significant other talk about being unemployed (since October) and all of the jobs he has applied to. It burdens and pains my heart to see him struggle. What more can I do besides continue to encourage him? I provide some financial assistance and offer to do anything to help him (not just financially). We plan to marry. This situation hasn’t affected our relationship, but I fear that it may.
A. I have discovered that we learn the most about ourselves and the strength of our character from adversity. Although you are feeling burdened by his struggle, it’s not yours to fix. Your words of encouragement are all that you can give.
Michelle Singletary: Also watch how he handles this financial crisis. I mean really watch. Too few couples pay attention to how the other handles money issues. If you have a problem with what’s going on and how he’s handling this situation, don’t ignore that red flag.
Q. My husband has been unemployed for a year. It’s so hard to stay positive and to keep encouraging him (he’s trying to find work, but our profession got hit hard). My husband gets depressed frequently so I feel like I need to lift him up. But his lack of contribution is really wearing on me. Every time I bring it up he just lowers his head, says I’m right and acts defeated for the rest of the day/week. Help!
A. This just might be the time to reevaluate, and consider a career move. I know, I know, what will he do? Ask him. Has he had a dream that he put on the back burner because he had to bring home the bacon? Well, this just might be the time to dust if off and move forward. What does he stand to lose?
On another note, if his depressive episodes are frequent he might consider seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, or other trained professional. Those who are depressed often feel unmotivated.
Q. I had to lay off an employee. His job functions were redundant with another employee’s. Some of the “survivors’’ (about 20) are understandably chatting around the water cooler and in the break room: “Am I next?’’ What can I do to reassure them?
A. That must have been pretty tough, to say the least, and understandably others are fearful of their own fate. Have a brief meeting with the “survivors’’ to share just what you have said - to your knowledge no one else’s job is at jeopardy. This type of candid discussion allows you to build trust as well as empathize with them and acknowledge their concerns.
Michelle Singletary is a columnist for The Washington Post. She can be reached at singletarym@washpost.com. 
