Discussing money with kids
If this is going on . . .
. . . try this
Changes in behavior, especially in sleep and eating patterns, concentration, or mood.
With a young child, comment on what you see: "I notice you seem sad." Probe: "What's going on at school? With your friends?" With a child 8 or older: "Have you heard of something called a recession? A bailout?" Then: "Tell me what you've heard."
Your child talks about a friend's problems: "Sara is moving to her aunt's; her dad ran out of money!" Don't kid yourself. She's wondering, "Could this happen to us?"
Sympathize: "That must be hard for her." Address the unspoken fear: "In our family, we're working on ways to save money. We're doing the best we can right now." Empower: "Let's get Sara's address so you can stay in touch."
You encouraged openness, now she's expressing nonstop unhappiness or worry.
Reflect her feelings: "I know you're disappointed." Grant her wish in fantasy: "I wish things could be the way they were, too." Model resilience: "Let's see if we can find a way to do this that is not so expensive." Reassure: "We're being very careful about spending money, so we won't have a problem. We will always take care of you!"
Nothing gets through (especially to your middle-school student), no matter what you say or do.
Avoid "You" statements ("You're so selfish! Can't you see how your sister is making do?"). Restate the problem: "We used to be able to buy whatever clothes we wanted. Now we have a budget and we have to figure out what we really need." Offer hope: "When things get better, we can readjust. In the meantime, this is the way it is."
Expectations for the holidays are building unrealistically.
Be concrete: "Christmas will be different this year because we don't have as much money." List what will stay the same, not just what will change: "Make your list as long as you want, but then decide on three things you want most." Give older children spending limits. For young children, TRUCEteachers.org offers inexpensive gift ideas.