Advice on helping teens use Net

Parents should tread carefully when they monitor their teenagers' postings on personal websites for signs of trouble, Internet safety specialists say.

''Is it something I would have liked kids to do? No. Would I say this is a great experience for them? No," said Parry Aftab, author of ''The Parent's Guide to Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace," a book published by McGraw-Hill in 2000. ''But, A, they're doing it. B, they're not going to stop if I ask them to. So, C, my choice is to help them make it safer."

Aftab is executive director of WiredSafety, a nonprofit group run by 9,000 volunteers worldwide that provides safety information on wiredsafety.org and on MySpace.com, one of the popular websites used by teens.

According to Aftab, parents should start by giving some basic advice about safety to their children: Do not share personal information online, including photos, names, addresses, schools attended, and phone numbers.

The best way to find out if a child has a MySpace.com profile or a profile on a similar site is to ask. If you're unsure your child is being honest, then search MySpace.com by using the child's e-mail address or school name.

Parents should occasionally look at their children's pages, but give fair warning before the first check, ideally 24 hours' notice.

''If your kids have a party downstairs, you make a lot of noise as you walk downstairs, so you don't find anyone kissing," Aftab said. ''It's out of respect for their space."

Parents should warn teenagers that a Web posting could be permanent and that the feelings and stances a teen might take could change over time. Also, they may not want someone to turn up that provocative photo when they're 50.

''Anything you post at the age of 12 or 14, that may come back to haunt you when you go apply for a job somewhere," said Deborah Moscardelli, assistant professor of marketing at Central Michigan University, who studies teens and Internet use.

MATT VISER