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  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    we were all for letting by gones be bygones when she became dog-lady and was looking for a new start.  SHE blew it immediately, the only reason we recognized her.  For years she's been a passive aggressive hostile force here, and no matter how much she loves animals that is NOT appreciated, obviously.

    If I didn't forgive her and want to help, I wouldn't have posted a link to a book I honestly think can help her.

    ETA:  And, frankly, I'd think you'd be astute enough to realize that our disgust has been earned if all of us agree and are actually vocal at this point to try to shut it down and call her out on her bad behavior.  Passive aggression is just as aggressive as directly aggressive, and no one needs it or appreciates it.  Talk about mean.  Deleting offensive posts as soon as they get a negative reaction is just part of the pathology, part of a very big, clear, and reinforced negative picture she paints daily of herself.

    Get off your high horse - you don't know what you're talking about not having read her offensive posts and dealt incessantly with her passive aggressive nature.  You think she garners this reaction because she's a respectful person worthy of the benefit of the doubt?  She used that benefit up long ago.  Her only hope at being liked here is to learn new communication tools, come up with a new screen name, and use those new skills.

    I tried to help Robin and got shot down every time it was brought up.  She threw darned good advice in the trash and derided me for giving it.  Too bad.  It would have helped her come on the scene as dog-lady and get somewhere she wanted to go...certainly not where she ended up using her own guesses as to how to behave differently/better.  Maybe she can dig it out of the trash and save herself $10 on a book before she tries again.  

    ETA:  All she did to differentiate dog-lady from Robin was change her openly, directly aggressive tone and make it passive aggressive.  People don't respond well to to passive aggressiveness and never will.  Nor will we take kindly to being told to get over it.  As the title of the book implies, the smile of a passive aggressive is not a friendly one or one to be trusted.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    Kar:

    While I support Robin and think she is a nice person, the tone in most of my posts in this thread is "facetious". You see that, dont you? I'm surprised youre reacting to me in such a serious way

    You say you tried to help her out, but I assume she didnt ask for the help. If so, it's only natural that she would "deride" you for giving unsolicited advice. Imagine if I volunteered to give mothermitzi lessons on how to be less uptight. Do you think she would welcome my advice and receive me well? Of course not

    I think it's funny that this Pets forum, which I had always assumed was a sleepy little section of the board, features so much drama. Maybe there is something to your criticism of Robin, and maybe it is well deserved, but I havent personally seen any evidence of her bad behavior

    I wish you could give me a concrete example of her alleged passive aggression, because I dont know what you mean  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    I really didn't see your tongue in your cheek, but that's probably because I'm blinded by my distaste for passive aggression.  I wish I could find examples, too, but apparently she knows what it is because knows what posts to delete.  Or, she doesn't know what it is but deletes anything that gets negative responses (and doesn't know why they caused such a problem).  

    Indeed, unsolicited advice is hardly ever appreciated.  However, I'm hoping that she does take it even if she never admits it.  I don't need recognition in the form of thanks, and I never need the satisfaction of knowing that the next screen name works for her because of any thing she might have learned from me or, hopefully, that book.  I'd never even know it was her unless she said so if it were, in fact, to work.  The fact is, the way she tried to redefine dog-lady indicates to me a sorry lack of communication skills that MUST impact her life in so many negative ways, not just here.  I keep saying that I'll leave it be, but I care enough that I can't.  I'm not always respectful in the way I handle it (the bird brain comment wasn't called for), but I do have a good heart and know that her "nicer" persona is simply not going to cut it as a just more passively negative person.

    I was the last to chime in, not the instigator of this firestorm.  And, I chimed in (once her identity was clearly blown and others called her on it) to try to help, once again.  And, like I said, if she doesn't appreciate it so be it.  But, it will only cost her $10 and a few hours to read that book, though, and I honestly think it will change her whole life for the better, and I don't care if I ever know about it.  She can read it in secret and let it improve her relationships on the QT, and I hope she will.

    I think she causes this much drama because people respond VERY poorly to passive aggressiveness.  It's universally despised.

    And, she could BE a nice person, but if she uses a universally despised communication tactic, that nice person becomes despised.  I'm TRYING to teach her that her communication skills, or lack thereof, are doing in her efforts to be as well liked as a nice person should be.

    ETA:   I wouldn't mind lesson on being less uptight.  I've been trying to be so my whole life, actually.  You should have known me in my 20s.  I've improved.  Well, I think so, but recently my mom even said, "Not much."
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    Yeah, no matter how good you think your advice is, if it's given unsolicited, the person receiving it will almost never accept it the way you want her to...and almost surely reject it. General rule: Never give out advice unless someone asks you for it

    Another thing: Youre giving this advice to a screen name. It's a real person using the the name, but for all you know, she is a lot different in real life to what she is online. So your advice, though well intentioned, may not even apply to her which is another good reason for her to dismiss it

    You say you are "TRYING to teach her", but she isnt your student. I know you mean well, but she's not your responsibility

    IMO you should take your own advice and just "leave it be"

    ETA: I just realized I offered my opinion unsolicited:)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    Well, what can I say except that you're right because you are.  And, it's why I originally washed my hands of her as robin and again as dog-lady.  But, I was compelled and overcome by a (pathological?) drive to help.  At least I know that what I honestly believe is good advice is out there, now, for her to take (in secret even) or leave, and if she leaves it and resents me for it, oh, well.  And, if it just applies to her screen name self, that's fine, it's still good advice unless she craves negative attention.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: deleted

    You know, Kargiver, Ache is right in what he says about your responding to just a screen name.  As my kids point out to me many times, the way people present themselves on these boards does not mean that's who they are in "real life".
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    That is true, but doesn't it stand to reason that if she had the skills to start over successfully as dog-lady she would have used those instead of passive aggression that only succeeded in ticking off a good portion of the community immediately?  Whether being more passive to appear to be nicer is her communication style out there in real life, you're right, I have no idea, but I hope not.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ruthcatrin. Show ruthcatrin's posts

    Re: deleted

    I've "ignored" both Doglady and Ache (seriously..."if you won't apologize I will"??? get a life and stop defending someone who's so offensive that she's got people who never knew her under her other name pissed at her already). 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: deleted

    This thread is beginning to read like a dog with a bone it won't give up.  From reading this thread through, you all have certainly already made perfectly clear to her what you think her shortcomings are and where changes need to be made. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    As is plain to see, nothing pushes my buttons like passive aggression.  But, you're right, I can't possibly get my point across any further and I'm giving myself headaches which is ridiculous.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    Ruth:

    Youre placing me on ignore after only one post? Wow. I guess youre the type who forms a negative opinion about someone very quickly. Were you just as quick to pass judgement on dog-lady too? Yeah, probably...

    PS Isnt putting someone on ignore (and then announcing that youre doing so) a form of passive aggression, the very thing you all accuse dog-lady of?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    I'm sorry I participated in this conversation so fervently, and I honestly did make myself sick yesterday over it, so I'm really done adding anything in the same vein.

    Ache, I appreciate your comments directed at me about this.  I got wrapped up for personal, offline familial reasons, and I think you sensed that and handled it sensitively while reigning me in.  Sorry I didn't recognize your tongue in cheek before and went off on you.  You were gracious to not take it personally.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    Kar, I know you were sincere in offering help, but I thought you also made assumptions about Robin that you could never prove and that werent necessarily true anyway. That's dangerous territory IMO

    PS Nothing said on these boards is worth making yourself sick over. Dont sweat it. Message boards are for fun and entertainment:)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    In Response to Re: deleted:
    [QUOTE]Kar, I know you were sincere in offering help, but I thought you also made assumptions about Robin that you could never prove and that werent necessarily true anyway. That's dangerous territory IMO PS Nothing said on these boards is worth making yourself sick over. Dont sweat it. Message boards are for fun and entertainment:)
    Posted by AcheNot[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, again.  I hear you on assumptions; we all know how it's spelled and what it can lead to (that lesson was the first time I heard my mom say "a__").  I'm kind of glad the posts that led me to those assumptions are gone.  Maybe they won't be replaced with similar sounding ones.  Tomorrow is always another day.

    Being a deeply emotional person prone to migraines gets the better of me sometimes, and I've had a tough week (not mainly about this).

    Good night. :)


     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    I hope things go better for you this week

    Peace
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    In Response to Re: deleted:
    [QUOTE]I hope things go better for you this week Peace
    Posted by AcheNot[/QUOTE]

    Ache, you're a decent guy.  Glad you're here (and, by the way I just wrote and corrected "hear" - a Freudian way, perhaps of saying "thanks for listening/hearing me.").
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: deleted

    oh man! I'm sorry I missed this! It's really about time.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

    In Response to Re: deleted:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: deleted : Ache, you're a decent guy.Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Actually, I'm no better than half decent, but thank you:)
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    In Response to Re: deleted:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: deleted : Actually, I'm no better than half decent, but thank you:)
    Posted by AcheNot[/QUOTE]

    Well, as long as that equates to a whole good egg, I'll agree. :)
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: deleted

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: deleted

    Nice! Cool
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: deleted

    oh man! I'm sorry I missed this!

    Late to the game (not sure what rock I've been hiding under), but I'm with Pink.  Holy carp!  This is a lot of drama for Pets.
     

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