I don't feel I misunderstood your post, allreadymarried. You stated again in this last one, "there's no rule grandparents have to be invited to everything." You certainly don't understand what it is I'm looking for. I don't expect or want to be invited to everything, but I would like to know of any activities my grandkids are involved in where other family members besides their mom and dad can go and watch them. Not only gives me a huge sense of pride and bragging rights, but I think for the child it must give them a sense of an outpouring of love that these "other" people care enough to come see them. The larger circle of loving people surrounding your kids, or anyone for that matter, the better.
Also, since you bring it up, telling your mother she has two working legs and ears, to make a call or email instead of waiting for someone to contact her, in my world is not "telling her nicely."
We're all different with different sets of family values, so I don't want to go round and round what is obviously different for you and me. Just responded since it was my post you initially replied to.