TURKEY RELOCATER EXTRAORDINAIRE WORKS HIS MAGIC - YET AGAIN!
People in a small MA town are all abuzz about the welcomed disappearance of troublesome turkeys who were raiding local backyards and decks. This community had had lawns and gardens ravaged by these birds, considered "beautiful" by some, but ask anyone living here, and they would tell you they were ugly, disgusting menaces. No longer could the good people of this town enjoy their breakfast out on their decks, no longer could they sit on manicured lawns enjoying expensive plantings in their gardens. The bold birds appeared on deck rails, bringing their offspring, and leaving droppings everywhere. Appeals to Town Officials did no good, planting of herbs and vegetables they were reported to be repelled by did no good.
In utter frustration, an ad in a local paper was answered, and they placed the matter in the hands of the ad submitter, known only as "The Turkey Relocater", who boasted great success in ridding towns of turkey populations. Ever so slowly the numbers of birds dwindled down. No carcasses left behind, no shots heard, just fewer and fewer birds. There were reports of people answering yet another ad for "fresh turkeys, free", but these deliveries were made during the dark of night, and no one ever actually saw the deliverer.
Stranger yet, is the complete disappearance and communication from this turkey person. No attempt at collecting a fee has been made, no big splashy news item about his success, just the quiet absence of all evidence that he ever existed.
Townfolk want to express their gratitude, and are hoping he reads this newspaper item and will again surface. You've done us a great service, turkey man, and we want to thank you.
Signed - Grateful residents of Your Town, USA
Those DARNED KIDS and their pranks! 
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