Turkey Relocater Disappears

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Mr. AcheNot,

    Since we don't have your home address, we are putting this brief reply in the evening paper.

    The woman whose picture you posted, is one of our most upstanding citizens, Chairwoman of the Board of Selectmen.   She is one of the organizers of the Festival, and most certainly will be in attendance.  Ethel is a bit ruffled by the fact that you went to the trouble to acquire her picture, and further agitated to learn that you knew of her attendance at Tanglewood.  She has asked us to rescind our invitation to you, fearing an altercation.   Calmer voices have settled her fears, and we want to assure you that no attempt will be made to deny you admission to our festival.

    However, the very idea of TT manning a kissing booth (of which there will be NONE, btw) is ludicrous.  TT is a centenarian and altho she got a chuckle out of the idea of men paying to get a kiss from her, that is definitely not in the planned activities.  (She is a spunky old gal, and said the kissing booth sounded good to her, she'd pay the men!)

    The May/December portrayals in your upcoming romance (comedy is more what we would call it!), even with HM playing the female lead, will certainly have to be re-written.  Perhaps TT could be featured as the retired combat counsel who helps you in the strategy planning.  She did serve in one of the Wars (just which one,  she wasn't clear on) under a very famous general, (whose name she kept getting mixed up with Capt. Kangaroo) and seems to remember that they did have a little romance going on the side.

    With  those stipulations - that of no altercation with Ethel, no stalking of TT, and of course, the big one, no battling with our Turkey Man, should he show up, we will welcome you Saturday and look forward to meeting you.

    Town Crier Editor

    It has been brought to our attention that "Irene" may make an appearance this week-end, forcing us to allow for the possibility of a cancellation of our Festival.  As weather reports come in during the next couple of days, we will make a determination about possibly postponing and setting up a "rain date".
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Her name is Ethel, huh? Gee, SHOCKER...which is to say not shocking at all. I figured she was either an Ethel or a Hagatha. So once again I prove myself to be right

    Well, if she's gonna be there on Saturday, I aint goin' for reasons stated previously. It's a shame too because with the money I have rolling in right now from my screenplay deal that I was planning on spending at the Festival, I myself acting alone would have been a major boon to your dreary local economy. A one man stimulus package

    Oh, well. Opportunity lost...

    And I dont believe you about tt. No way she is 100 years old. I know for a fact she is much younger and still eminently smoochable

    I already hired her to work for me as a special onsultant on the film project. HM asked for her specifically. And what HM wants, HM gets

    Best of luck on a successful festival. Sorry that I cant join you

    Hope the weather holds off
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Mr. Ache Not,

    Usually I would wait a reasonable length of time in case you changed your mind about attending our Festival on Saturday, but the tone of your letter, dangling your new found wealth in front of us, didn't set well.   We may be a small, simple town, but we are a community of honest, hard working people, not swayed by the promise of riches.  A truly generous man would donate funds where he sees they are needed, regardless of his demands not being met.

    Our intent was to welcome you into our community and give you the chance to perhaps gain some insight into new methods of turkey liquidation from our turkey man.  It was a sincere gesture on the part of the Town Council, even overriding our Chairwoman's trepidations.  It would seem you most likely will no longer be seeking employment in that field.

    Because of your then pending movie deal, we had purposely kept news of our turkey man's 100% success in turkey removal (as opposed to your "mostly") out of the national media.   Seeing as your deal is sewn up, so to speak, we see no reason now to keep his story under wraps.  You have your deal, and we, on the other hand, want to see a truly humble man receive the recognition he deserves.  

    As for TT being a consultant on your movie, as I have already told you, she is an old, old woman, who forgets from one day to the next promises that have been made.  I have a feeling that between now and the time your movie starts production, your hiring her will be among her memories of "Captain Kangaroo" from The War, and summering on the beach in the Riviera.

    We wish you well,  but are sure you will understand if we say we feel it best if you do not attend.

    The Town Crier Editor
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Why do you keep repeating the lie that my good friend, tt trumpet, is a senescent old lady who is losing her marbles? You know it's false. Please stop. You are starting to p### me off

    As for Selectwoman Hagatha, she and I have a personality conflict dating from way back that isnt about to be resolved any time soon, surely not by this Saturday

    Now I know youre trying to shame me into making a donation to your town, which I will do, but I'm gonna tell you something: I dont appreciate your well mannered shakedown tactic, okay? It is lame

    That is all I have to say. I'm tired, and I have to go to bed

    Good night

    PS I am a humble man too. Dont kid yourself...
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Festival on the Green Update

    The earthquake which rattled VA yesterday, also played havoc in our small town.  Ethel, who has worked so diligently in the planning and preparation of Saturday's  festivities, was shaken off a step stool she was standing on, while tacking up banners on the Village Green gazebo.  Luckily - or not - she landed in some soft shrubbery - which unfortunately was inhabited by a nest of bees.  Her screams were heard by Officer Bill who happened to be on patrolling the Green. He raced to her rescue and transported her to the hospital, tho not before being stung several times himself.

    Further down the street at the Congregational Church, ladies making  pies for the event, had their carefully measured ingredients scattered about the tables. Rather than waste the expensive spices, they re-scooped as much as they could, separating them into their rightful batches, best as they were able, and went on with the preparation.  Ruth joked that the blueberry may end up with pumpkin spice, and the chocolate cream with  perhaps an unidentifiable flavor, but said perhaps we could add an additional prize booth called, "Name this Pie". (Good thinking, Ruth)

    The quake also rattled the clock on the church spire, and so we want to caution townspeople not to rely on the chimes as an accurate teller of time, as it is chiming at erratic  segments, instead of every half hour.  Quite a few calls came into the police station last night from neighbors demanding the clock be stopped completely.  This of course, cannot be done - just because.  A call has been made to a city a few miles away for a clock repair man, who has been flooded with requests for resetting of steeple clocks, but said he would add us to his list.

    Plans for the Festival are still in place for this Saturday.  Weather forecasts for this area seem to predict more an evening rain into Sunday or even perhaps as late as Monday.  Should that change, or high winds arrive, we will, of course, cancel.

    One other note, Mr. AcheNot, who I'm sure you remember has been corresponding with The Crier, has let us know that he will not be attending. Apparently, he has issue with one of our townspeople (no need to mention names), and has decided to remove himself from the festivities.  Due to the tone of his last letter,  we on the Council, agree that this is best for all.  He has, however, promised to make a sizable donation, in lieu of his attendance.  We are still trying to confirm or deny that our own TT has agreed to consult on his upcoming film.

    And so, time marches on, or as in our case, chimes incessantly on, as we eagerly await Saturday and the much anticipated appearance of Turkey Man.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Sorry that you didnt care for my tone last night, but that is the way I get when someone uses emotional blackmail to try and extort money out of me

    And I am sorry to learn poor Selectwoman Hagatha fall down and go boom yesterday. *giggle/smirk* But I trust she is well now and fully recovered

    Please tell her Wildo says "hi", okay?
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Dear Mr. AcheNot,

    Just a brief "thank you" for your sizable donation.  There are many areas where we can put this to good use - the repair of the steeple clock, the ever ongoing fund for a new fire truck, a ramp for our local grocery store since more and more of its shoppers are of a "vintage" age - that's just to name a few.  

    We did get wind, from a lady passing through town, of your desire to help homeless animals/strays, and if you would prefer your donation be put to that cause, we certainly will do so.  Altho, I must say, the ladies of town do quite a fine job of that already.  BTW, this same source spoke very highly of you, said she has known you for years, but was unaware until reading our local paper, of your prowess in turkey obliteration.  We had a nice cup of tea and a couple of pieces of the blueberry pie with the secret ingredient(s), and swapped stories.  Before she left, she visited our local animal shelter and made a small donation herself.

    Anyway, our best to you in your future travels and will certainly watch for announcements of when your film is to be in theaters.


    The Town Crier Editor
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    That was awesome tt..... 

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from toytrumpet. Show toytrumpet's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    In Response to Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears:
    That was awesome tt..... 
    Posted by ambergirl

    Thanks, Amber.  I had a lot of fun with it.
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    I made the check out to the General Fund, so the town can do whatever it wants with the money. No restrictions. A new firetruck sounds like a wise investment to me

    The woman you mentioned...do you mean Robin? Yes, she is a very nice person and a good friend. A lot of people find her to be passive/aggressive, but with me she is always aggressive/aggressive. You know what I mean? I like that about her
    Peace out, Mayberry!
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pumpsygreen. Show pumpsygreen's posts

    Re: Turkey Relocater Disappears

    Maybe,we can all just have milk and cookies, or beer and pretzels ala Kar, or wine, and a nice creamy cheese ala t.t., or beer, wine , tonic and chips at Winters pool! In a couple of weeks everyone can visit me in the North End, Mikes Pastry anyone? It could be like an Obama summit.  Can't we all just get along? (Although the josting is pretty funny) bg