Advice for the Newly Engaged?
posted at 12/2/2008 4:50 AM EST
Congratulations! Seems like we were just in your shoes, and now our wedding is 23 days past (the Knot continues to keep track!).
Prill hit on a huge point. The details of a beautiful wedding will definitely
come together even as overwhelming as it may seem right now. However, the divorce rate betrays that happy marriage may or may not come together. So, if you've been planning your wedding
since you were 5 (figuratively, I know), you may want to shift gears and plan heavily during your engagement for the marriage
. It truly doesn't just work by love and accident. My DH and I went through "Preparing for Marriage" by David Boehi, et al. My brother and his fiance used it, too, and as he told me, "Buckle your seatbelt - this isn't no cake tasting." It's something you go through with your pastor, priest, or church marriage prep group. Of course, as that implies, it's a Bible-centric book (yes, it covers sexual intimacy and the 3 reasons God designed it, yes 3
, that can be eye-opening to learn even if you grew up in the church). If you search in Amazon for "Preparing for Marriage," it's the first one. You'd need to buy two - it's a workbook you both do separately and then confer on together. If the workbook isn't for you or you are not getting married in a church, at least focus somehow on secular marriage preparatory counseling from a professional counselor. Building a foundation during this time will set you up for a lifetime of marital success. (I was married for 9 long years before this...I know.)
As others have said, ENJOY this time! Try to let go of expecting
perfection and assuming you can plan well enough to guarantee it. The idea that you can
acheive wedding perfection will only serve to drive you crazy and will hamper your relaxation and joy. It may end up perfect (like ours!), but may not. Oh, well, you'll be married at the end of the day either way.
What made our day go best was having a wedding coordinator on site that had tons of experience. I didn't have to know how anything was supposed to go - she did. It was Sandy Brown at the Wayside Inn in Sudbury. I know you said you want a Boston venue, though, so just ask about the coordinator at your reception venue.
As for where to look, get your details about your wedding first (as others have said). Formality (black tie, white tie, casual BBQ?), time of day, guest list size, and budget will all narrow down your venue choices making the chore more managable. You'll know what questions to ask after you have a list of must-haves to find out for the wedding you want.
Best wishes and keep coming back here! The ladies of these boards have seen me through very tough and very joyous times.