am i being self-centered?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    how would you feel about a friend having her baby shower the day after your wedding? A friend of mine just asked if we had any other events the weekend of our wedding b/c her mother wanted to throw her a baby shower. The baby is not due til next year so it's not a rush thing, but to me it would be somewhat imposing to expect my friend to attend my baby shower the day after her wedding. I understand that she lives out of state but it just seems kind of "not the right time"...
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Moneypenny424. Show Moneypenny424's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Maybe she asked you about the wedding weekend not because she expects you to come, but because she wanted to know if she had other events she needed to go to. I don't think anyone would expect you to be doing anything the day after your wedding.

    If she's coming from OOT and her family wants to throw her a shower here, I absolutely think they should. I don't think you should feel badly about not going to the shower, but you shouldn't have an issue with them having it the day after.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lakehousegirl. Show Lakehousegirl's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    My friend had her baby shower the day after my wedding and I was just extremely happy about having an excuse not to have to go.

    As for you being self-centered, I was unclear exactly what is going on. You said this was "her" wedding, but I think you mean your friend is having her baby shower after "your" wedding. Correct? If so, I'm not going to use the words "self centered" since your story didn't make sense to me and I wouldn't accuse you of that until I got the facts. BUT as stated, many times before, people do have other lives besides the most current wedding they happen to be involved in. I could have cared less if people were planning a parade the day after my wedding, I was very much like, "move on people, there is nothing to see here, concentrate on something else now".
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from alaz005. Show alaz005's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    People are crazy.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from sarahbth. Show sarahbth's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    If her Mom is having the shower, that sounds fine.

    A baby due next year, lots of people will likely want to have another shower closer to or after the birth of the baby. Perhaps there would be a better one for you to attend? She may have the dilemma- leaving you out would be weird, if you are not on your honeymoon and she just saw you, but she does not want to impose.

    Let her off the hook, saying with OOT people, gifts and cleanup, you will not make any other plans. Say later on, make sure I'm on the list for a "friends" shower. Then she knows, you want to celebrate baby coming, just ? timing next to the wedding.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Well, we are having a brunch at our house that day (which she had a brunch at her house the day after her wedding as well)... so then our close friends would have to choose between my brunch and her shower.. or have the shower later and then people would be going to both.

    We are a very small group of friends and I would definitely want to go to her shower but definitely wouldn't be able to attend. I would feel sad not to go.

    Lakegirl,
    I didn't say it was her wedding... i said "but to me it would be somewhat imposing to expect my friend to attend my baby shower
    the day after her wedding" saying it as though I was in her shoes...

    btw this message board is so hard to work with! my font size kept changing while i was typing!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lakehousegirl. Show Lakehousegirl's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    I understand now, but just to be clear, this is what you wrote, "A friend of mine just asked if we had any other events the weekend of HER wedding b/c her mother wanted to throw her a baby shower."

    Sorry, I just felt like having the last word on that one, its the Monday blues in me today.

    But what you didn't tell us is that you had planned a brunch, so that changes everything altogether. If she knew about the brunch and decided to have her shower anyway at the same time, I would be miffed. BUT if her shower is apres brunch-time (say, after 2ish), I wouldn't be offended.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Actually, you did say her wedding:

    "A friend of mine just asked if we had any other events the weekend of her wedding b/c her mother wanted to throw her a baby shower."

    And yes, I think you may be acting a bit selfish. But if you're a small group maybe you could combine efforts with the brunch.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    sorry i totally wrote that! my bad. i could barely read what i was typing. I'll change it now.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from sarahbth. Show sarahbth's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    The conflict with your planned brunch makes a big difference. If you had not planned anything, then having the shower when several forlks from out of state would already have traveled seems sensible.
    But she was polite enough to ask, so I think you can share your feelings, that you had already planned another event in the hopes all of your OOT friends could gather after the wedding, and would hope that the shower would not be until later in the day, or would be held on another date.

    I do have to say - definite pet peeve of mine: It is nice to have options for out of towners, if they have no one in the area and there is nothing else to do.
    But when I am wedding guest, or attendant, who travels from out of town, I sometimes resent brides who have a rehearsal and dinner, then often something for a FRiday eve (if RD Thurs) and then either an after party or a next day brunch - and they Expect people to attend.
    Enough is enough. If the wedding is over and people with nothing else to do want to gather, okay. But if aunts and relations want to have an event or a family dinner, and chat while relatives are in town, or friends want a reunion, or a BABY Shower, they should be free to do so.
    Having extra events besides wp people at the RD should not be the guest's or the bride's priority.
    Travel is expensive, time off hard to come by. After the wedding people should do other things if they prefer, with no plans made for them for meals or tourist stuff. Weddings need not be 2 and 3 day events.
    It becomes like a vacation tour - a schedule packed with events cam leave you craving time to do what you want, not what others plan for you.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    thanks sarah, i totally feel the same way. my last friends wedding we had Thursday night: bat. party (rather tame though), Friday: rehearsal dinner Saturday; 10 AM!!! wedding and i had to travel 1 hr in the morning to get there, Sunday brunch at 10am with once again 1 hour drive. i was exhausted.

    Mine will be similar b/c we couldnt do the bat. party any other time b/c like i said -we're a small group of friends and 2 people are from out of state so it has always been the thursday night before the wedding.

    if we were going on a honeymoon i'd totally skip the brunch, but monday my fiance is going back to work and we figured we might as well keep the party going. plus we just bought a house so this was a good chance for people to check it out.

    thanks for your help, she did check with me first, and i totally understand that one person's wedding does not make everyone else their celebratory slaves :)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Gosh, my first instinct is that yes you're being selfish, but the more I think about it, why are they not having it some other time if she isn't due until 2009? It sounds like you are close to the mom-to-be if they have bothered to call you so it's odd that they'd expect you to stay home from your honeymoon for her shower. They have time...odd. However, that being said, I guess it's their perrogative to throw it any time they like and let the chips fall where they may. It's just odd they ASKED you about it.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Kargiver - I think perhaps the mother wants to take advantage of the fact that her pregnant daughter, and the small circle of friends common to bride and daughter, will all be in town for the wedding. That may not happen twice in a 6 month time. If bride were not having a brunch, maybe she thought - Sunday baby shower and luncheon for my daughter. Good she was nice enough to ask.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    Whatawag, good point; I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. It could definitely be the case.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    I talked to my gal and told her that the brunch is in the morning so there are no more wedding related events after 2:00. Granted I wouldnt be able to attend but our other friends could.

    kar, i think you are on the right track as to her mom's mindset.
    I am surprised too that they wouldnt do it closer to christmas when she will most likely be home again and they can have time to plan a real shower as opposed to an impromtu (sp?) one in less than 4 weeks.

    she lives on the other side of the country (her husband is in grad school)so any presents would have to be relatively small or mailed, or they would have to put them on the plane which would cost them more $ for the extra luggage.

    in the end it's no big deal, i hope they do have some sort of shower for her where we can focus on her, our group is so small and she has absolutely no extended family so any shower will be small & somewhat difficult b/c she lives so far away.

    thanks everyone.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    throwing a minor tangent in here. I could plan a shower in 4 days! No one needs 4 weeks. In fact, assuming the guests are notified, I could do it in 4 hours.

    But anyway - agree the family is taking advantage of having everyone in town. agree that it's a bit early for a shower and agree it was nice of her to check in with you first. Also agree that you don't have to go and if it were me - I would decline.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    my only thought about lead time would be if she was going to register for baby stuff, we are yet to find out if it's a boy or a girl yet :)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    am i being self-centered?

    [Quote]my only thought about lead time would be if she was going to register for baby stuff, we are yet to find out if it's a boy or a girl yet :)[/Quote]
    Well she can register in an afternoon - it's no big deal to pick out a stroller, car seat, high chair and crib.
    And she may not be finding out the child's sex. Many of my friends choose to "be surprised". So you buy white or yellow - or maybe light green.
    And I agree that she may not be able to fly when she gets closer to her due date.
     

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