Black Tie Optional

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from user_494129. Show user_494129's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Hello- I am thinking Black Tie Optional? I went to a wedding a while ago and girls were wearing Khaki's, and i don't want anyone showing at at mine like that. Is BTO a bit much to ask? If i do add that into the invitation, do people ignore it? Thoughts?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    I think that Black Tie Optional is a bad idea. It causes so much grief for people because no one knows what to do.

    If your friends and family generally have their own tuxedos, then by all means do a "Black Tie".

    If not, trust that they have enough class to show up appropriately dressed for the occasion and let it go.

    I swear that you will not notice what anyone is wearing that day!

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    What time of day is your wedding? I have a hard time imagining women wearing khakis to an evening affair. If you want, you can do BTO, but we didn't do that and everyone that I remember was dressed pretty appropriately (our ceremony was at 4:30 and reception went until 10). The most casual I remember was a man wearing a turtleneck and sportcoat with dress pants which I thought looked fine.

    As for my DH, he cringes whenever he hears the phrase "black tie", even if it were optional. We are going to a black tie (not optional) wedding in two weeks and DH is still griping about going to rent one, but he'll get over it. His brother's wedding was also black tie (from what I remember), but he already had to wear a tux since he was the BM.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from user_494129. Show user_494129's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Ohhh great idea. Cocktail Attire is perfect!

    Thanks!

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kel96. Show kel96's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Black tie means formal, meaning tuxedos for men and evening gowns for women. Making it optional, you might have some men in tuxes and others in a shirt and tie and women in fancy gowns to cocktail dresses or pant suits.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ralphluv. Show ralphluv's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    I put formal on my wedding website (do not mock me, I have a million out of town guests and little patience to deal with phone calls because wedding planning doesn't thrill me) I wanted everyone to get the idea that their outfits needed to be evening wedding appropriate.

    So, this past Saturday after my accident, my mom had a party that she had already planned and I was one of the guests of honor because I got my MA this summer. So, the whole family is there and someone asked me, "What does formal mean?" And, in my drugged out stupor, I said, "It means nice clothes, suits and ties and dresses or nice pants for the ladies." My cousin who asked me wore jeans to our grandmother's funeral. My aunt said, "Don't worry, we bought him a suit."

    I know what people are wearing shouldn't matter but I'm not taking any chances.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from user_494129. Show user_494129's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    OMG! If anyone showed up in Jeans, i would send someone over to 'kindly' ask them to leave and change. What an embarrassment.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ghotieyes. Show ghotieyes's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    I would think it's more an embarassment for the guest who showed up in jeans than for the bride & groom. I personally would NOT be mortified if someone was underdressed for my wedding because there could be much worse that could go wrong. But if I went to an event either over- or underdressed, be it wedding, funeral, or dinner party, I'd feel pretty self conscious myself.

    That being said, I like the "Cocktail Attire" suggestion.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from that-guy. Show that-guy's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    If I got an invitation and someone decided they needed to tell me what to wear so that I fit into their expected standards for their party, I'd send the invite back and tell them to shove it.

    There are socially accepted norms of what people wear to certain things. Yes, there will always be that cousin who wears jeans and a sweater, because that's his "dress up" outfit for when he actually leaves the trailer for the night. Personally I would wear a suit, but the tone it sets when you tell people what to do if they attend your party is pretty offensive. Not to mention the hassle it causes if you're the 1 guy who wore a tux and noone else did, or worse, you're the 1 who wore a regular suit thinking noone else would be in tuxes, and guess what - they were!

    Are you also going to have a "minimum donation" line on your invitations?

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Unfortunately although you get to pick out the attire for yourself and the wedding party, you cannot "dress your guests." You have to go on the assumption that they know how to dress themselves.

    Everyone I know hates BTO - do you make hubby put on the tux or not? Is a suit ok? Seems cruel to put your guests through this all to avoid one or two underdressed people. Going all out by putting Black Tie then requires those who don't own to rent clothes to attend your wedding. Not your intent I'm sure. And requiring Black Tie before 6:00pm isn't really correct anyway, so if your wedding is in the afternoon I don't recommend it.

    If I got a wedding invite with "cocktail attire" written on it, my first thought would be, "Well, DUH!"

    As Cosmo said, you probably won't notice what everyone is wearing anyway.

    And please don't take the suggestion of the one poster who said she'd ask people to leave if they weren't properly dressed. It's totally improper to pubically embarass someone this way. These people are your friends and relatives!

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from itny_toy. Show itny_toy's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    What MissLily said.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from summer07. Show summer07's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Are there specific guests who you're worried about dressing inappropriately? If so, maybe politely mention how dressy your event will be. We had to do that with a couple cousins who we knew would dress down (my family is pretty close so my dad had no problem harrassing them about making sure to wear a jacket :)).

    My wedding was Sat night Boston hotel, long formal dresses and tuxes for the wedding party. We had one guest who wore khakis and a collared polo shirt untucked, possibly sneakers (think casual Friday attire, but sloppier). People thought he was a wedding crasher. I thought it was funny. Didn't disturb the day one bit.

    Also if you're considering BTO you have to make sure that the wedding party and style of your reception match the attire (aka no afternoon garden party).

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from summer07. Show summer07's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    No you wouldn't. You'll have other things on your mind like marrying your husband and having tons of family and friends from different parts of your lives all in one room who all want your attention.

    Like another poster said, it's the guest's embarrassment, not yours.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Hi SShore, oh how I feel with you. I understand you want people todress appropiately for your wedding. But unfortunately you cannot tellthem what to wear.
    I have been to BTO weddings - where guys showed up in jeans.
    Some years ago we went to one BTO wedding, where one guest showed up ina dressed up bikini (black bra, long black pants, cumberbund andbutterfly tie) --- but still a bikini. Aparently, the bride and she hadsome old unsolved problems. The bride had to call the police andhave her escorted out. She left with out any problems, but still left astatement.
    I know this is an unusual case, but after you send out your invitation- you cannot dictate, what your guests have to wear. You just have tohope for the best.
    That said, I would still put BTO on the invitations. Most decent people will hear your call.

    And as an after note. I don't understand, why people are so afraid ofBTO. When my two sons went for their proms, I bought their tuxesinstead of renting. Tuxes are not as expensive as on emight think. Ibelieve I paid something like $150 for them at a discount outfit. Theyhave worn them over and over and over again. Same for my husband.Bought him a tux after we had paid enough in rental fees.If you haveone, you will use it.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from foolforfood. Show foolforfood's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    From my own experience, ppl are not easily confused by BTO. It simply means that guests should step it up a notch. It does not evoke the Oscars.

    If anything, cocktail attire would confuse the bejesus out of me. Some may think that khakis are appropriate cocktail attire. When the FI and I attend non-wedding cocktail parties, he ends up sporting pressed khakis and I end up wearing dark blue denim with heels and a nice top.

    BTO doesn't force guys to consider renting/buying tuxedos. Most of the weddings we've attended were BTO, in which my FI or I were very close to the bride and groom. These were all nighttime weddings held at country clubs or downtown hotels. MY FI wore a dark colored suit and tie. Ladies have the choice of cocktail length, tea length or floor length dresses. This gives guests loads of flexibility.

    Like you, I also fear that some guests will show up in khakis and polos, so I've decided to go BTO. It would create a horrible clash if you make it cocktail attire, yet have your groomsmen, father and FFIL dressed in tuxedos. So if you're making any of your groomsmen wear tuxedos, I'd suggest staying away from cocktail attire, IMO....

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from mariep9260. Show mariep9260's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Oh boy.. here we go.

    I was the MOH at a wedding last night and it was BTO. One of the guests showed up in jeans and a sweatshirt (but I have to admit that we were concerned about him anyways). He proceeded to get drunk and make a fool out of himself -- got sent home in a cab.

    BUT ---we told the bride the story this morning at brunch. She had no idea that it happened and certainly didn't care what he was wearing. She was too happy and focused on her new husband!

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    I don't see the confusion about black tie optional weddings. This means if you have a tux or a long gown feel free to wear it, otherwise, dress formally. I understand the old edict about not telling people what to wear, but sometimes you want to up things a notch in formality and there is really no other way to do it. I would prefer being given the option. And I find it easier to understand than the current confusing descriptors "business casual" "resort casual" or my favorite oxymoron "dressy casual". Besides, I think some of this just sets the tone for the evening. My husband and I went to a black tie wedding and he did not wear a tux and I did not wear a long dress. We were not alone, but it did set help us decide the formality of what we did wear (fancy cocktail dress, black suit).

    However, if the only reason you are doing it is to prevent people from dressing a certain way, I wouldn't bother. If people don't know not to wear khakis to a Saturday evening wedding at a country club, then "black tux optional" is not going to make them dress appropriately.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    TouchΘ ---Ha to you!

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    I have to agree with yu ash. I have attended many BTO (weddings andother functions) - where the "O" meant ONLY, not optional. Still, therewere guests showing up in open collar shirts, no tie and sports jacket.

    Other occasions, where I wish people would dress nicely - notnecessarely formal - are at plays and classic concerts. I can'tunderstand, that if people shell out $100 or more per ticket, that theyfind it ok to show up in jeans, sneakers and sweatshirt. They are notgoing to a ball game for heavens sake. I am far from a snob, but whatyou wear does create an impression.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from austengirl. Show austengirl's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    As Ash said, if people dont know that Khakis are inappropriate for a wedding BTO is not going to help them out at all! Plus adding another $150 - 300 expense to your guests to me is just selfish. I dont know about all of you but I dont have a dress that is BTO appropriate but I do have a really cute black cocktail dress that I typically wear to evening events.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    A black cocktail dress can be worn anytime. One can dress it up and onecan dress it down. Cocktail dress? Aren't cocktails usually served inthe evenings?

    As far as expenses for a tux, I understand that renting one everytimeone needs one, can be a real expensive deal. Since tuxes are not aneveryday attire, they are made inexpensively and one can buy onefor almost the same it cost to rent one. After renting once for myhusband, we buckled down and bought one at Syms the second time, heneeded one. So, when our sons had their proms, we did the same. Andthey all have worn them time after time again. If you own one, you willuse it. They are less expensive than a suit.

    Believe me, I am not. advocating that everyone should have a tux intheir closet. I just wanted to let you know, it you ever have to rent atux, please look into buying one. It is yours forever - and you WILLuse it, maybe not next month, but you will use it.

    With Thanksgiving coming up. you can kind of compare it to a turkeyroaster. You hardly ever use it, it is just sitting there collectingdust, but when you need it - it is a good thing to be able to dust off.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Depending what you wear with it, jeans CAN be very dressy.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    See that key - the last key in the second row ( from the bottom up) --- Key that before you key the letter.
    Glad the hen could teach the chicken this time. --- δΘΘΘΘΘΘ ---- hahaha!!!


     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Black Tie Optional

    Hi Miss Carrie -- I have a PC - but I would imagine it shouldwork the same on the Mac. Will ask my resident IT person. He has boths.On my PC, I hit the accent key first (the text should not move) thenyou hit the letter. Think it should be the same for the Mac --- thekeyboards are the same. Pls. let me know how you are doing.
     
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