Cancel My Shower?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Ok, I didn't plan my own shower, my BMs did and it is suppose to be a surprise, but I know that it will be this Saturday.However, my mother is in the hospital, in the ICU unit in critical condition (she has had RA for 25 years and got a blood infection that the Drs are trying to figure out how she got it).� So, yesterday and today have been very difficult for my family.� And I'm only online right now at work because I wanted to come in get some hours in, but will be at the hospital this afternoon.So, I've been talking with my MOH who organized my shower (but will not there because she live in Denver and couldn't get time off) and basically told me that if I didn't want the shower this Saturday, to let her know.� But I know a lot of time, effort, and money was put into the shower, but it's hard me because my Mom won't be there, and I feel somewhat guilty about going to this shower.� At this point, I"ve told them that we should continue with the shower though I feel bad that it is no longer a surprise (but I don't know the details), but I could ask them to cancel or postpone 3 days before hand?� How would others handle this situation?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from carolyn1104. Show carolyn1104's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag,I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. Wishing her a speedy recovery.Please don't worry about the shower not being a surprise. I'm sure the MOH and none of the BMs are thinking of anything other than you and your family right now. In answer to your question, I can't imagine holding something this against a friend of mine. I think everyone would understand why it would be reasonable to postpone the planned shower. I guess if I was in your shoes, I'd offer to offset the loss of a deposit or whatever money can't be refunded, but if I was your MOH/BM, I wouldn't take it. I'd also suggest having your MOH call the venue or whatever vendor to explain the situation. I'd ask that they use any deposit toward a new date; it seems reasonable to me given the circumstances. And then I'd go be with my Mom. Take care.�

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from greenclown. Show greenclown's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother.

    As a bride, I know I would feel horribly guilty about canceling, so I understand your hesitation.� That said, if I were the planner of a shower and my friend's mother was very ill, I would never in a million years think twice about doing what is best for the bride, even if it meant losing out on money, time, and effort that had been put into the shower.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from sher. Show sher's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag, i'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I sure hope�her condition�is upgraded and they are able to figure out the cause of the infection. my shower was postponed a few days before (and it was a surprise until it needed to be moved). one of my FI's (now DH) best friends passed away suddenly. i told my mom and she told me about the shower.�Every single guest understood the circumstances and�most rearranged their schedules to be able to attend the following week. This decision is totally up to you and what you feel most comfortable doing. My point in telling�you the story is to let you know that not only will everyone understand your reasoning but will also likely try to be there for you if the date is postponed. Best wishes to you and your mom. �

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ralphluv. Show ralphluv's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag,I am so sorry.� My mother is so important to me so I wouldn't want to have my shower without her either.� I don't have any suggestions but I just wanted to tell you that she has my prayers.Take careRalphluv

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    dear jag, so sorry to hear about your mom.� I hope she makes a quick recovery.� I understand how hard it is to decide, but here are some thoughts...your mom would not WANT you to miss your shower because of her!!!depending on when your wedding is, this might be a cancellation,, not a postponement.� I'm sure the guests will give you the gifts anyway, but you�maybe�won't get another actual shower.� The restaurant (or whatever) might very well charge the entire cost of the shower anyway, not just the deposit.� Of course it depends on how many people were attending, if they have a F+B minimum, etc.� If you cancelled your wedding with 3 days to go, you'd have to pay the entire cost, not just lose your deposit.� I understand that with something like a serious infection, your mom's situation can change dramatically in 3 days.� She may be feeling much better by Saturday!If it were me, I would proceed with the shower at this point, but I'm always an optimist!� Whatever happens, best wishes!�

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Thank you everyone for the support - I really appreciate it.I've been talking with my MOH and BMs and I decided lets continue as planned, but my just shorten it so its just a lunch and do the gift opening part at home.It's just hard because this is one of the events I really wanted her there, but there was always the possibility that she wouldn't attend, even if she wasn't in the hospital.� My mother has been fighting these diease for most of my life, but it seems that in the past year and half, it really has deteriorated her body, that now she is in�a wheelchair and goes through her good days and bad days.� The really hard part for me was just seeing her yesterday - it broke my heart and couldn't stop crying.� I just wonder that when does get better, how much of an effect this will have on her body and will she be well enough for the wedding that is in May.� I know that is weeks away, but she is the most important woman in my life and I really want to share everything about this wedding with her.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    jag - I am so sorry to hear about your mother.� It must be tough for you to be torn like this, but I think your solution is a great one, as long as you are comfortable with it.Maybe you and your MOH, or a close relative can stop by after the shower, fill your mom in on how it went and, if she's up for it, bring her some cake.� If they decorate for the shower, maybe you could take some of it to your mom's room and brighten her day.� And of course, you'll show her all the pictures of you & your guests.� Because you will be sharing those moments between the 2 of you, I think it would be a�very special to include her in this day.� I'm wishing you both well &� I hope that you have a wonderful time on Saturday & it renews your strength!

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lovetoplan. Show lovetoplan's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Several years ago, one of my friends went into pre-term labor the night before her baby shower.� She was convinced that her shower was the following weekend and said something to her husband along the lines of "well, at least my shower isn't until next weekend" and he had to tell her it was the next day.� She was hospitalized for a few weeks, but, she insisted that the shower go on because it was too late to contact everyone to let them know she was in the hospital.� Her husband came and opened the gifts.� We videotaped everything for her and had her on the phone for much of the shower.� It was a major letdown that she missed it, but, we did our best to keep her included.� I know it will be hard for you to have the day without your mother there, but, maybe you could have someone video it for her to watch and have her on the phone with you?� Many prayers for your mother.���

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Gosh, so sorry to hear about your mom.� I've said a little prayer.

    About the surprise.� Frankly,� and I'm sure I'm going to get pounded for this thought, I think keeping the knowledge of events from adults who all have complicated lives and issues and stuff is generally a mistake and HIGHLY overrated.� (Keeping a surprise for a 5 year old is another thing - what else could they possibly have going on?)

    About cancelling the shower.� If you believe you can enjoy yourself and want to be there Saturday, don't cancel (and, I'm not suggesting you could "forget" about your mom, just possibly enjoy yourself anyway).� If you believe you'd be too stressed out about your mom and wouldn't want to be at your party, cancel it.� It's really not about the planners, it's about the bride's feelings in a difficult time.� If they don't understand that they aren't very good friends.� And, they are probably wondering what they should do and are hoping you may say what you want.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    The part of the gift opening at home was just a suggestion from one of my BMs, if I did feel the need to the "celebration" part with guest, and have the shower be more of just a lunch.�

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    I had a nice talk with Dad yesterday and he thinks I should have the shower tomorrow.� If we postpone for another week or two, we just don't know if my mother will be well enought to attend.� Once she is better from her infection, our focus is to get her well enough for the wedding.� He also doesn't think it is fair to me to cancel the shower - this is something that friends and family wanted for me and believes that I should have one in my honor.So, the shower is going on a planned!� I am looking for someone with a video camera so we can capture the day so I can share it with my mom.� Once she is better, I will have her over to share the day with her.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Hi jag, so sorry to hear about your mother. I am sure you must be soworried - and of course it is intirely up to you to cancel, if you feelthe need.
    However, from a mother's point of view - do you really think this is,what your mother would approve of? If I had a daughter, that had somekind of celebration, even though I could not participate due to illness- I would definitely want her to go ahead with it.
    I know, your mother is more omportant to you right now, but think ofhow it might cheer her up, when you came back to see her after theshower and tell her all about it.
    IMO, unless things turn for the worse, you should go ahead with theshower. Somehow I fele, that's what your mother would want.
    My prayers are with you Mom and your family.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from rossigirl. Show rossigirl's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag27, sorry to hear about your mother.� I'm sure she'll enjoy hearing about your lovely day with friends.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag, I am hoping your mother is improving or at least stabilized, soyou can somehow enjoy your shower. Best wishes to you and your mother -P
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from justthinking---. Show justthinking---'s posts

    Cancel My Shower?

    Jag,

    How difficult this must be for you and everyone else involved.� My prayers for your mother and for you and the rest of your family as you all try to juggle planning a wedding with supporting your mom.� You had mentioned perhaps keeping the shower abbreviated and opening presents at home.� What a great idea!� To elaborate on that, you could enjoy the company of those who wish you well at the shower, share some smiles and a meal but save opening the presents for later -- with your mom.� This may be difficult if she's still in ICU but even there maybe you could take just a few things & open them with her to share the experience.� Or wait until she's well enough to transfer to a regular room or go home, and open all gifts together.� And I liked the idea someone had of bringing her a cake (or some other treat she might like) from your shower.� Of course, videotaping would be great.� People at the shower could even add their own little cameo wishing her well.

    Your mom doesn't have to be at the shower, but if you could share a part of it with her (like the gift opening) at a later time, that might be a "best of both worlds" solution.

    I'm sure you have wonderful friends and family to help support you (and her) through this.� Best of luck with whatever you decide.

     
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