posted at 8/2/2007 10:04 AM EDT
My parents divorced when I was little and never had a good relationship after that. They haven't seen or spoken to one another in years. I was also very nervous about how they were going to act towards each other during the rehearsal, ceremony and reception. They basically avoided each other any time they were in the same room which was fine by me. They acted as adults and realized that this was their daughter's wedding and they better behave. I did put their tables on opposite sides of mine so they wouldn't be near each other.
I'm sure you're parents will realize what a joyous, big day this is and enjoy it. They wouldn't want to ruin the day with petty squabbles.
posted at 8/2/2007 10:15 AM EDT
My parents' divorce was definitely not amicable, in fact I think acrimonious is the better word for it. I was expecting some sort of major family meltdown that would ruin our wedding.....However, I'm happy to report that we all made it through with not even so much as a snotty comment. And I had a wedding where I trapped them together in a small town for the better part of a week.
If you are nervous that they cannot act appropriately (which I was at certain points prior to the wedding), you can sit them down and ask nicely for them to behave like adults. I went a little stronger with my parents as they needed a little reminding..."There will be no fighting at our wedding and that includes no snide comments, no dirty looks, no muttering, no temper tantrums, no eyes rolled from you or your significant others or you will be uncerimonously removed from the wedding and will not be allowed back in. Oh and by the way, we will have people on the look out for bad behavior." For my parents, it worked like a charm.
It will be fine, they love you more than they hate each other right now.....
posted at 8/2/2007 10:25 AM EDT
"It will be fine, they love you more than they hate each other right now....."
sunshine_mrs. -- you stated it perfectly!!
posted at 8/3/2007 11:16 AM EDT
Your parents will be fine, they don't want any ugliness to spoil their day either. And as a very wise poster here told me, the only thing that can ruin your day is your own state of mind.
DH has an absolutely crazy family, CRAZY and your same concerns really shadowed our whole wedding process. Tell everyone close to you how important it is for you not to be upset on your wedding day - that you will walk away from negative comments or tense situations and they are to keep these things from you to the best of their abilities.
I followed this policy and had a perfect wedding day, total happiness, although I never said more than a few words to the in laws to make sure it stayed perfect! Since the wedding, I've learned that SMIL said some unkind things to DH, threw a fit on the caterer about something - my sister was dirty dancing on the dance floor when no one else was dancing, and a cousin was pissed and threw a fit because he didn't get to play drums in the late-reception jam band (alcohol induced.
My day was perfect, and DH did a great job of putting SMIL's unkindness aside so as not to blight his day either.
posted at 8/3/2007 3:10 PM EDT
Ohmygoodness it wouldn't even cross my mind to put MOG and FOG in the same pictures! I am not looking forward to dealing with their relationship... MOG acts very reasonable to me when the subject comes up (meaning the fact that FOG will be there with his second wife and two kids), but I don't think she is nearly as rational when the topic comes up and I am not there. Either that or my fiance exagerates - definitely possible :o)
posted at 2/20/2008 1:25 PM EST
áMy parents are divorced and they don't speack to each other.á How would you recommend seating them at the church, announcements them and seating them and family at the hall?
posted at 2/20/2008 1:30 PM EST
The Mother of the bride is seated last, just before the wedding party enters.á She should be seatedáin the first pew with her SO.á Your Father's wife should be seated at the time of other guests in the second pew where your Father will join her after he walks you down the aisle.Skip the announcements - OR - announce Dad and SO right before Mother and SO.á "The Father of the bride and his wife, Dad and her; The Mother of the Bride and her husband, Mom and him."Give each their own table and surround them with theáclose family and friendsáthat make sense.á
posted at 2/20/2008 1:33 PM EST
posted at 2/20/2008 1:39 PM EST
My father really wants my stepmom to walk down the aisle. Not that I don't want her to, we are close and she should be recognized as an important person in my life. ButáI would rather her not just to keep the peaceábecause my mother would have a cow. So my idea is to just not tell her beforehand and let it happen!
posted at 2/20/2008 1:45 PM EST
Wow - good luck with that.á If you think it is going to really upset your mom why would you surprise her like that?Everyone walks down the aisle to get to their seat - it's just a question of when.á Perhaps your father could escort his wife down before the processional actually begins, but whem most of the guests are seated already?
posted at 2/20/2008 1:55 PM EST
My mom and I are not close.áWe actually have a pretty tumultuous relationship. She lives 1000 miles away, and that's a good thing. I am closer to my dad's girlfriend. She is his girlfriend, I say stepmother because they are in their 50s and 60s, have been together for over a decade but are never going to marry! My dad's lady is actually helping to plan the shower with my sister (we have a different mother...).áMy mom had no desire to even be involved in the shower.áSheáhates my stepmother for stupid reasons and Iácan't stand it. So for me, you see, it's just easier for me just not to tell her. I am really nervous about how things are going to go that day. thank goodness for bridesmaids who can play buffer!(This is making a looong story short by the way)
posted at 2/20/2008 2:04 PM EST
I think ifáI talk to my stepmom about it she would probably understand and say don't worry about it. But when I think about it, she is a big part of my life, acts like more of a mother to me than my actual mother. I used to be afraid of my mom's reaction to all things father and stepmother related, so I never spke about them. But lately, because of the wedding,áI have been a little more forward with her about this situation. Perhaps I should just be up front rather than #### her off at the wedding.
posted at 2/20/2008 2:04 PM EST
Both of my parents have not re-married....My father has a girl friend and my mother is single.á I'm planning on having them both escorted by thier brother or sister.á I will be walking down the aisle by myself...just to make easier for eveyone including me.
posted at 2/20/2008 2:21 PM EST
Yeah...My dad and I are not that close at all....I will always love him but the respect is long gone.á So, that why I will be walking alone...which is fine with me.á I know he ready wants to have the father/daugther dance but I'm still up in the air about that.áMy mother is my best friend and if anyone were to give away it would be her but I if I did that it would cause BIG problems.á And yes, she is more than welcome to have any guest she wants.
posted at 2/20/2008 2:48 PM EST
I'm in the same boat.á My mom and I aren't close, and I love my stepmom to death and want to honor her.á My mom isn't going to know about any of it ahead of time.á Like my dad said, why prolong the drama?I know my mom won't freak out at the wedding because there will be too many people around.á I'll hear about it after the wedding.
posted at 2/20/2008 4:13 PM EST
I like the approach ofá checking in with your stepmom and seeing what flexiblity she can afford you. Then you can decide how you 'd like things to work and askáyour mom ahead of time to particpate in the way that you think woudl work best.áIf she gets all huffyá you can (practice this beforehand)ásay something like "I love you and want all of you to get along at my wedding, and I have an honored place foráyou in my heart and inámy wedding. It would really mean a lot to me if you helped me out by particiapting in this way."That will give her time to get over herself (perhaps a trusted family friend canm be enlisted to work on her?) and go along wiht the plans.Whe I did that with my father he decided he woudl noty attend, so I expressed my sorrow at him not coming and that I I understood he needed to make his own decision.áSad for him; nobody got mad; y wife and I had a great wedding, and you will, too.á
posted at 2/20/2008 6:20 PM EST
It is too bad that a parent has to cause so much stress at a wedding.á By the time a parent reaches that level of supposed maturity, s/he should really understand whether they had a positive part in the child's life, or were just along for the ride.á Parents need to understand that the day belongs ot the newlyweds, and especially the bride.á Coming out of the woodwork with demanding expectations or self-imposed needs is not cool at all...If the parent begged out of the hard part, for over 20+ years, then they should bow out of the glory as well.á Hopefully parental vanity will not impact such an important day.á Good luck to so many in similar circumstances..
posted at 2/20/2008 6:40 PM EST
I was so done with family drama, we just invited friends and got married in a temple in Vegas.á Sad that I couldn't have the traditional wedding, but very, very liberating.á If you want more tips on a fun, drama-free Vegas wedding, feel free to email.
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posted at 2/21/2008 12:08 AM EST
Seat them in the back of the church.
Hire each a psychiatric nurse of the opposite sex to accompany, occupy and keep them in line - psychiatric nurses know how to handle people like this.
Glad you asked!
posted at 2/21/2008 7:33 AM EST
áIt is absolutlye appauling what parents do to their children these days.áá Its absolute selfishness on their part and causes all types of issues with their children they could care less about.á So long as the parents are accomidated every else should understand their situation.á I''m sorry but I get so furious when i hear things like thisáAt least you are having you father come to your weding, my mother and sister said if I invite my father neither one would show up.á The same thing happened when we christened our son and daughter.á This put my wife and I in a situation as to who to invite for out children's birthday parties, family events, ect.á So I guesss be prepared when you have kids to deal with this over and over again