I went to a bridal shower (with gifts) in May and didn't receive a thank you note. I figured the bride was overwhelmed with last-minute wedding tasks and couldn't find the time to write.
DH and I attended the bride and groom's wedding in early June and gave them a check for their wedding gift. It's been 5 weeks since the wedding and no thank you note so far.
I wouldn't ever mention this to the bride and groom, but it makes me wonder if thank you notes are a thing of the past now?
(On the flip side, I got a thank you note from a bride and groom who had a wedding celebration only two weeks ago, which surprised me, because they had about 200 guests! )
My question is: Are thank you notes not necessary in some circumstances? How long was it between your wedding and your sending out thank you notes?
-W
No Thank You?
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No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:24 AM EDT
- woodie
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No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:39 AM EDT
- downtoearth
- Posts: 2682
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If we are lucky, thank you notes will never become "a thing of the past."
Your friends are acting incorrectly. You should have been thanked in writing. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:41 AM EDT
- misslily
- Posts: 2413
- First: 11/9/2006
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Notes are NOT a thing of the past. Some people just have bad manners.
My shower was on a Saturday and all the notes were in the mail on Monday morning.
For the gifts we received before the wedding the notes went out within a week of receipt of the gift. For presents received at the wedding they went out the week we returned from the honeymoon. Anything received after that went out the next day.
Yes - I have a full time job - you just do what you have to so people know how much you appreciated their kindness.
No excuse for this bride to not have sent her notes. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:41 AM EDT
- laryan
- Posts: 2850
- First: 1/28/2005
- Last: 1/7/2012
yes, hand written thank you notes are still very proper for bridal shower and wedding gifts received, and are not a thing of the past.
a friend of mine has two sisters, who have had more than one wedding each, and 5 children (baby showers for each child, to boot) and they never wrote thank you notes for each wedding and baby shower thrown..and gifts received...
my friends parents (not her sisters) received snyde remarks for no written thank yous as a result... -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:46 AM EDT
- jag27
- Posts: 1385
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
TYs are not a thing of the past, but my wedding was in late May and I'm just getting around to them (I know, I'm behind the 8 ball), so I would say give them a few more weeks to get out the TY for the wedding. However, since they didn't even send them out for their shower, maybe you shouldn't hold your your breathe on that TY card. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 11:59 AM EDT
- sarahbth
- Posts: 0
- First: 4/4/2007
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If a couple takes a honeymoon, it is not uncommon to receive T Y notes up to 3 months after the wedding, particularly if they move or have other stuff going on. With more than one shower, and wedding, our last notes went out up to 2 weeks after a shower, 80% of wedding gifts as they arrived before the wedding, the others within 2-3 days of whenever they arrived, from wedding day to 3 months after.
Now and then I have talked to a couple who write notes but do not mail any until the last note is written. This leaves guests wondering, and I think is foolish, as it may be 5 months after a shower and 3 after a wedding. They had some idea that sending some before others would not be right. Bizarre thinking. They should be sent ASAP after gift is received. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 12:16 PM EDT
- Lakehousegirl
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- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
Absolutely NOT. I wrote all my notes on my honeymoon and they were mailed 10 days after the wedding. Now I write notes the day after receiving the gifts/cards that have been dribbling in since the wedding. I know what etiquette says, but I think 2 things are absolute B.S.
1. Having a year to write a thank you note (It takes 1 minute per thoughtful thank you card, my FI timed it on our honeymoon). I just think it's unacceptable to accept a gift and not acknowledge it in a reasonable amount of time (at least within a month).
2. Having a year to give a wedding gift (NOT that I think gifts are required, because as well all know, they are not. BUT Hello? This gift better scream THOUGHTFULLNESS after a year of thinking about it for so long) My cousin got a really nice frying pan 10 months after her wedding and I just had to laugh. It took 10 months to come up with a frying pan???? Although it really was a nice frying pan.... :)
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No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 12:19 PM EDT
- capecod1818
- Posts: 115
- First: 7/15/2008
- Last: 8/6/2012
Always...always write thank you letters. We sent ours out pretty early as I hate having things hanging over my head. I once was in a wedding where the bride (friend of the family) didn't send out thank you letters and my parent's friends are still p.o.'d that they never got a thank you. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 12:35 PM EDT
- kel96
- Posts: 485
- First: 8/17/2006
- Last: 8/1/2011
I was married over Memorial Day weekend (in 2006) and my TY's were out before 4th of July so it took me just about 4 weeks time.
However, I attended a wedding in December and just got the thank you last month! -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 1:05 PM EDT
- wendy98
- Posts: 0
- First: 8/17/2006
- Last: 8/1/2011
Those thank yous both the shower and wedding should have been sent out already. For both my showers they were in the mail within the week of having the shower. For the wedding, my DH and I split them as we received 90% of our gifts the day of. We didn't write any until we returned from our honeymoon two weeks later. They were out the door within 3 weeks, because (1)I love the idea of a thank you note when I receive them, (2)I know they are important and the right thing to do, (3)and I hate having things hang over my head.
But you cannot control the actions or manners of others. So yeah they that did not send the TYs out appear to be in breach of ettiquette (I say appear because I don't know if there has been some death in the family or other major event in which the TYs could have been forgotten). -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 1:22 PM EDT
- ALF72
- Posts: 3254
- First: 5/30/2008
- Last: 5/14/2013
The TY for the shower should have been sent out prior to the wedding [unless the shower was a week before the wedding itself]. 5 weeks isn't THAT long to wait for a TY [I would do them sooner personally], for the wedding gift, but they should def all be done w/in 8 weeks of the wedding.
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No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 5:31 PM EDT
- SpringBride08
- Posts: 0
- First: 5/30/2008
- Last: 5/14/2013
I got married in early June and I just sent my TY notes out today although they probably could have gone out a little sooner. My BFF's sister got married 5 years years ago and I still have yet to see one. Not sure what happened... I never brought it up and it's honestly never really bothered me. However, I would give it a few more weeks and if you don't get one, then I'd be a little annoyed. It's definitely not a thing of the past! -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/15/2008 5:38 PM EDT
- greenclown
- Posts: 0
- First: 5/30/2008
- Last: 5/14/2013
I had my shower on a Saturday and my TY notes were out Monday morning. I can't sleep when I know I have TYs to do. I plan to have the wedding ones out as soon as humanly possible.
They're definitely not a thing of the past. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 5:45 AM EDT
- Bride2B08
- Posts: 177
- First: 6/6/2008
- Last: 12/31/2009
Does anyone think Woodie should wonder whether the check was received? If I'd given a check or cash at a wedding and didn't receive a thank-you note, I might start wondering whether they actually got it. I know the etiquette is tricky around this though. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 5:55 AM EDT
- jag27
- Posts: 1385
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
If she gave a check, she would know if the check got deposited. However, if she gave cash, she really wouldn't know unless she was notified or asked if they received her gift. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 5:57 AM EDT
- 300dpi
- Posts: 0
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
Cash is tricky but you can always double check to see if the check was deposited -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 6:51 AM EDT
- June08bride
- Posts: 316
- First: 5/30/2008
- Last: 2/19/2013
I was married on June 21st and I still have not done my thank you's. I am also waiting till I get my pictures from my wedding to see if I can provide any pictures to my guests and paste one of DH and I on the front of the thank you. As soon as I get the pictures and make my decision, the notes will be in the mail less than 2 weeks later. I sent my shower thank you's within a week of the shower because my invitations were going in the mail the following week. I am dreading it though! -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 7:40 AM EDT
- ghotieyes
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- First: 5/30/2008
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Got married 2 months ago and I have most of my TY's written and sent. The ones that are left are DH's friends whom I don't talk to regularly. Not that there's anything wrong w/ them, but since I don't talk to them, it makes it hard for me to write a thoughtful note. DH keeps harping on the fact that he has a year to write them. I say, his friends, he can deal with them. I've already written 95% of the ones we sent out already. -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 9:47 AM EDT
- helphelpImbeingrepressed
- Posts: 0
- First: 5/30/2008
- Last: 2/19/2013
[Quote]I believe "Thank You " notes can be sent out for a wedding up to a year from the wedding. [/Quote]
NO NO A MILLION TIMES NO!
Who started this pernicious lie? I would like to tan the hide of this slacker SOB. So inconsiderate, I could spit.
I got something from a recent wedding that turned my nose - a TY "note" that was merely a photo card with the pre-printed message "Thanks for sharing our day with us." Seriously? -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 9:54 AM EDT
- jag27
- Posts: 1385
- First: 4/4/2007
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Emily Post says the TY should be written within 3 months of receiving the gift (I'm still in the window).
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/etiquette/postings/wedding_thankyous.htm -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 11:01 AM EDT
- helphelpImbeingrepressed
- Posts: 0
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
[Quote]I was married on June 21st and I still have not done my thank you's. I am also waiting till I get my pictures from my wedding to see if I can provide any pictures to my guests and paste one of DH and I on the front of the thank you. As soon as I get the pictures and make my decision, the notes will be in the mail less than 2 weeks later.[/Quote]
#9 on Emily Post's list:
"Don’t include wedding photos or use photo cards if it will delay sending the note. " -
No Thank You?
posted at 7/16/2008 11:08 AM EDT
- sarahbth
- Posts: 0
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 10/21/2011
[Quote]I believe "Thank You " notes can be sent out for a wedding up to a year from the wedding.
[/Quote]
Not true by any standard etiquette, ever.
Friends, relatives and wedding guests do have up to the first anniversary to give a gift commemorating the wedding.
But every thank you note should be written and sent as promptly as possible after the gift is received.
This means that a bride and groom may be writing notes through most of their first year, but each immediately after getting a gift.
The tradition of people having a year to give a gift goes back to times of many more handmade gifts, and very slow delivery to and from remote areas. Also, with the majority of adults marrying between 17 and 24, and many larger families living close to each other, for a few years a person might have wedding presents due to 5 or 10 or more people a year, requiring they be spread out, if weddings are all in a couple months.
Saying thank you in writing may take 2 minutes or 10, but never long enough to justity more than a couple months max for 200-300, shorter time with fewer gifts. -
No Thank You?
posted at 8/4/2008 12:27 PM EDT
- frezz11884
- Posts: 86
- First: 10/17/2007
- Last: 7/10/2010
I don't know that this is actually true but a customer of mine who just got married said something to me about this that I thought was weird. She said she was told that if you were given a favor with a tag that said thank you on it you didn't have to send thank yous. Now I don't agree with this at all and will be sending thank yous but has anyone else ever been told this. Could these people that didn't send out cards have heard this too? or be under the same assumption? -
No Thank You?
posted at 8/4/2008 12:46 PM EDT
- Moneypenny424
- Posts: 0
- First: 10/17/2007
- Last: 7/10/2010
[Quote]I don't know that this is actually true but a customer of mine who just got married said something to me about this that I thought was weird. She said she was told that if you were given a favor with a tag that said thank you on it you didn't have to send thank yous. Now I don't agree with this at all and will be sending thank yous but has anyone else ever been told this. Could these people that didn't send out cards have heard this too? or be under the same assumption?[/Quote]
Yikes! I've never heard of that. Seeing as how so many people don't even look at or keep the favors, I don't think that is legitimate!
I write each TY as the gift comes in. It is fairly easy to just write a few lines about the gifts--I would never want someone to think we didn't appreciate the gifts. I am also writing ALL notes, including those for FI's guests because if not, they'll never get done :).