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OT- Need support or just some platitudes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from clm77. Show clm77's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    Some of you know my MIL is ill.... today's consultation is tough to stomach... though we won't have all the test results until probably tomorrow, the doctor has already told my husband the prognosis is not good right now. And when the doctors actually tell you that, well, more often than not they're right.

    Obviously there's nothing much that can be done that we're not already doing, and since I'm here and pretty much all I can do right now is pray really hard, I thought if anyone cares to offer up some nice words of support it will at least make the day a little brighter.

    Okay, pity party over, with the gentle reminder to ENJOY your wedding and the time with family because you don't get it back.

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    dear "clem" (this is how I think of you...)

    Supporting your DH and helping him care for his mom through her illness, whatever the outcome may be, could be the best thing that ever happened to you!

    I know you've heard my story a zillion times, but DH and I had been together over 10 years when I brought my mom home to live with us because of her advancing Alzheimers. When she could no longer stay alone for any period of time, he quit his job to stay home with her. (We had to, I make more $$ than he does.)

    He cared for her so lovingly and sweetly, it truly made me see him in a whole new light. (Although it was hard as hell, we aren't saints, and I would drive around and scream at the top of my lungs sometimes.)

    But when she died, we both were satisfied knowing we had done our best to make sure her last years were safe and happy ones.

    We have a lot of similar traits, I think, and for me, fear of the unknown was one of the hardest things to deal with. What's going to happen next? Is today going to be a good day or a bad day? Do we dare make plans to go out to dinner a month from now?

    My advice: if the news is what you think it will be, get involved with a hospice organization as soon as you can. Your MIL doesn't have to be on death's door for you to get help and services. They are professionals and will have great advice and suggestions. For everyone that volunteers to help, say, yes. Cry a lot - it does help. And we're always here when you need us!

    Much love and lots of hugs,


  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    I am very sorry to read about your MIL, there are so many of us that can relate either because of cancer or dementia or any other illness.

    I try to go to the daily positive quote of the day so here is today's:
    Each of us is greatinsofar as we perceive and act on the infinite possibilities which lieundiscovered and unrecognized about us.

    -- James Harvey Robinson

    It has nothing to do with your situation at the moment but any positive is good right?

    A good picture is good to pick up your spirits I like this one:

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from greenclown. Show greenclown's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    I'm sorry to hear about your MIL.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    Very sorry to hear your news. It is so hard to hear.

    If you must take your Mother in Law home to die, the best advice I can give you is, call Hospice.

    They are angels sent here to help her die and to help you let her go. They relieve pain, do errands, give nursing help and talk it through to the extent you wish. They are never intrusive, only helpful.

    But we couldn't have done it without them.

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    clm, i'm so sorry to hear about your MIL. illness of a loved one is definetly difficult to deal with!

    you're absolutely right. enjoy the people around you, and the time spent w/them . s**t happens, and you don't get it back. approximately 5 family & friends have died since my sister did who were @ my wedding

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ralphluv. Show ralphluv's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    CLM--I'll be praying for you and your family....Hang in there
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from krazykitten218. Show krazykitten218's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    Keep your chin up. Be there support your husband, let him support you, be strong together for your MIL. do whatever you can and want to do to make this time better or easier. I agree with other's suggestions about hospice. They are there for a reason, take advantage of it.
    Also must look on the bright side of things, although a majority of the time when the doctors say the prog. is not good, they ARE right, they ARE NOT always right. A good friend of my family's who we were also neighbors with for 10+ years had pancreatic cancer for FIVE years, and was actually in remission at one point. For those of you who are familiar with cancer, you know that is absolutely unheard of. Most patients with pancreatic cancer are dead within weeks or a few months at best. Granted towards the very end her quality of life was not something to be desired but the times before that where she was able to maintain some sort of life was well worth it. I'll never forget the look on her face or the hug I got when I got engaged and later when I graduated college and I went over to see her in my cap and gown. It's memories like that that make you grateful for the time you're given. Another bright point: my FIL was diagnosed with 7 terminal brain tumors a month and a half before my wedding. He was given six months to live. There was a point we thought about having a private family only ceremony before our actual wedding because we werent sure if he would be there with us. A year and a half later, he has regained his mobility, stopped having horrible seizures and is back at work and driving. Also I believe all but one or two of the tumors are GONE. So please take my words as hope that you truly never can know what can happen and there's always a silver lining to the cloud. We're here for you as well to vent to and give you advice when we can.
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    clm, my thoughts are with you during this stressful and difficult time. I echo what everyone else has said, especially the hospice. It may not be for you, but it's worth looking into. Everyone goes through this differently so do what works best for your MIL, your DH and yourself.
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    clm, just wanted to offer my support during this difficult time. When my mother suffered through several illnesses before she died, it was so hard. While I don't know what to say that will make it better, just know that many people are thinking of you and your family. Also remember that you are living in a part of the world that has the best medical care in the world and if anyone can pull off something amazing, its the medical providers and facilities here.

    I agree with your gentle admonishment. I've said this before and I'll say it again. My husband and I were not into the big wedding, but my mother, in remission from cancer, was and she wanted to throw a big bash. We let her. It was the happiest day she ever lived, and I would give almost anything to see the look on her face, dancing at my wedding, again.

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from clm77. Show clm77's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    Hi everyone! First, I just wanted to say thank you so sincerely for all the wonderful support and helpful suggestions. I know some people would never understand how comforting a group of virtual strangers can be, but then again, they probably don't know all of you ladies :)

    My sincerest condolences as well to everyone for their lost loved ones, especially SpringBride losing your grandpa so recently. (Over the summer my husband also lost his 93 year old grandmother... though it was hard, we reminded ourselves constantly that she lived a *wonderful* life for many, many more years than most get the opportunity to enjoy.)

    And now, the UPDATE. It is bad, but not hopeless, so for that I'm thankful and personally feel today is very, very positive compared to yesterday. The short story is that though the treatments so far have been remarkably effective in some ways, the cancer is pretty smart and (*&%$)#(* stubborn too, and is now doing something that seriously interferes with her liver function. They are doing an intensive but more traditional chemo treatment today to try to eradicate the part of the tumor causing the problem. It may or may not work, but it IS an option and that is absolutely the most we could ask for!

    Thank you for all of your positive thoughts and prayers- I have no doubt they worked!


    PS. Cos- Since I'm really clb now, does that make me "club"? :)

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    OT- Need support or just some platitudes

    Nah, just like she'll always be "2BWED" even though she already is, you'll always be "clem" to me!

    77 hugs! and glad to hear the news was better than expected!