Our first uninvited guests!

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I knew it would happen at some point. It seems to happen to everyone! We sent a save-the-date to my FI's cousin and his wife thinking they wouldn't come, since they live in CO. Well, they let us know in their Christmas card that not only are they coming, but they can't wait for us to meet their kids! Now, I'm not totally sure that they're bringing the kids to the wedding, but that's kind of how it sounded in the Christmas card. I guess we'll find out when the reply cards start coming in, but I'm really hoping they're planning on bringing a sitter with them.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Brighton - this is it! Unless you put your foot down and do something about it, you will have children attending your wedding.
    If you are "not sure they will bring the kids"- how in earth are you otherwise going to meet their children.
    If I were you, I would hastely write them a note or even call them, that it is an adult reception only - if that is what you want. Otherwise make arrangement for some babysitting options. - Pingo
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I agree with Pingo - call and let them know for sure that kids arent invited to the wedding before they book flights, etc!
    Dont wait until 8 weeks before with the response cards, that could lead to a bad conflict at the last minute.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Yeah, I should probably have my fiance do something about this now. I feel so bad though. I guess his cousin's wife has never been to New England, so they're planning to make a vacation of it and they just seem so excited! If the kids were a littler older, I might let them come, but they look like they're around 3 and under a year old. Not the demographic we're going for!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    That's the beauty of save-the-dates - you can deal with these things early when they are less awkward than after having sent the invitations. The lovely part of it is that stds usually do not contain all the names of the people actually invited so you can just "make sure" they understand that it will only be adults without worrying too much about how it will go.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I have to disagree w/ the majority. It's a save the date; not an invitation. I'd have your mom or dad casually mention to his or her sister/brother [the cousin's parent] that it's a kid free wedding. I'm sure it will get back to the cousin. If you wanted to be a little more proactive, then maybe send a holiday card/note back to the cousin saying that you are so looking forward to seeing them at the wedding and asking if they need info about sitters for the kids. Otherwise, I'd just wait and send the invitation to the adults. They should get the hint when the kids aren't included on the invitation. Good luck.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Offer to find a babysitter for the reception, maybe? I doubt they will be flying with a babysitter and that will score you some points with the new family!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I like ALF's idea. I think I'll have FI'd dad get in touch with his brother (FI's uncle) and mention the kid-free thing. I could look for a babysitter myself, but I know that was a major hassle for my sister at her wedding. I'm spending Christmas Eve with my FI's family, so I'll see what they all think.

    I think it's funny that FI's other cousin is already planning on getting a sitter and her baby hasn't even been born yet.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    If they are using this as a vacation it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be bringing the kids to the wedding.

    Do they have family here that is not invited to the wedding? Maybe they will be watching the kids.

    I agree with the poster who said that maybe have the parents casually talk to the other parents or mention helping them find a sitter for the wedding.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    [Quote]Yeah, I should probably have my fiance do something about this now. I feel so bad though. I guess his cousin's wife has never been to New England, so they're planning to make a vacation of it and they just seem so excited! If the kids were a littler older, I might let them come, but they look like they're around 3 and under a year old. Not the demographic we're going for![/Quote]

    Your wedding is the catalyst for their vacation to New England. You should be pleased. Of course they are bringing the kids on vacation. And of course they look forward to you meeting them!

    Now, to your wedding, they haven't said they expect anything. Just that they would be in town. You can drop hints all you like, but the best way to go is to offer a babysitter or several names. This is not yet a problem. It's just information at this point.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I guess I just don't know where to begin to look for a babysitter. The wedding is in CT and I don't know too many people in the area, aside from family. My sister tried to find a friend of a friend or someone to babysit at her wedding and ended up hiring "Newport Nannies" as a last resort. They weren't cheap! I feel like parents should be responsible for finding their own childcare.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I feel like parents should be responsible for finding their own childcare.

    sure in general - but they are not from around here. they need local help finding a babysitter. Even if that is just a list of phone numbers. Most people have a neighbor or friend whose kid babysits. It's not too much to offer info to your out of town family.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Brighton and Aunt Beth,
    I agree with you both! A 1 year old and a 3 year old do not belong in a wedding reception. So, we have to find a babysitter. Of course, the parents from out of state do not know a single babysitter around, where the reception is going to take place, but it seems like the bride is kind of from out of state as well.
    So, if you must hire some XXX-city Nannies - so be it. Tell the parents what the cost will be and have them pay.
    If the bride say "no children"- then it should not the bridal couple's responsibility to cover the cost. The parents have the option to not come or to come and leave their children at home w/ some family member - or a sitter. Apparently this family want to make a vacation out of this, so again - while the bride will accomodate them finding a sitter, it should be the parents responsibility to pay for a sitter during the reception. As always, just my two cents - Pingo
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Pingo, that's exactly my problem, I'm not from the area either, so I don't know anyone who can babysit. My parents moved to CT about a year ago, but they're still an hour away from the reception site.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from 300dpi. Show 300dpi's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    i think all you have to do is have your FI call to double check that the kids have a place to stay during the hours of your wedding. If they are making a family vacation out of it you cant really say at the last minute that the kids {who are obviously making the trip as well} are not invited. Give them plenty of time to make arrangements for the kids becuase it sounds like they are excited to see you, attend your wedding and make a great family vacation out of it.

    good luck :-)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Brighton,
    I have a feeling your wedding is still some months away, since you have only sent out the SDTs. Start looking for a sitter now. Have your mom check the local papers, call the high school and ask if they can recommend any students that are available. Also the YMCA is a pretty good source. Obviously if your cousin wants to make a vacation out of their visit, they are not leaving their babies at home.
    After you find a couple of sitters, write an excited note to your cousin, that you have found a couple of sitters for them. Give them the sitters' phone numbers and have your cousin deal directly with them. I assume, they will be staying at a hotel, while visiting - so the sitters can always babysit in their hotel room. - P



    [Quote]Pingo, that's exactly my problem, I'm not from the area either, so I don't know anyone who can babysit. My parents moved to CT about a year ago, but they're still an hour away from the reception site.[/Quote]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Brighton, I had that same problem. I had to contact the relatives to let them know that DH & I were on a strict budget and had no room for "extras" and we had also had decided to have a child free wedding.

    We had also decided not to invite relatives we had had no contact with in several years as well as not invite several relatives who are considered "family drunks" and attend family functions just to drink the bar dry.

    Needless to say, world war 3 erupted, as we found us having to stand our ground, and defend our decisions to a good chunk of the family..on both sides.

    From your post, I'm figuring (not sure if I am right) that you aren't planning on having children at your reception. I would contact these people right away to clarify that these people are bringing their kids. if so, are they planning on a hiring a sitter, and children aren't allowed?

    hth, and as always, just my 2 cents...keep us posted!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Brighton, there are a lot of certified babysitter websites that make the sitter register their criminal history (or lack thereof), social security number (only to prove they are citizens, etc) and references!

    Try Sittercity.com
    Your local red cross or YMCA offers babysitting classes, with infant and child CRP

    www.babysitter.com

    www.sitters4hire.com
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Added: I agree parents should be responsible for their own childcare, but they are coming from CO!!
    Yes, you are not local either, but you are sure a lot more local than they are, they are coming all the way from CO to attend your wedding, and it would be a nice gesture.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Thanks for the tips! I will definitely look into these sites. I was also going to see if one of my sister's friends who lives in Hartford would be interested in sitting. She lives over an hour from the reception site, but she might be interested for the right price!

    [Quote]Brighton, there are a lot of certified babysitter websites that make the sitter register their criminal history (or lack thereof), social security number (only to prove they are citizens, etc) and references!

    Try Sittercity.com
    Your local red cross or YMCA offers babysitting classes, with infant and child CRP

    www.babysitter.com

    www.sitters4hire.com[/Quote]
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    another idea: you may want to check w/the reception venue to see if they may have any child care service recommendations.

    i'm sure yours isn't the first reception this venue has seen to have child care issues.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    I agree with the others who say that you should be flattered that they're going to all this trouble and expense to come to your wedding AND enjoy a New England vacation.

    Find them a sitter as a gesture of gratitude and thanks for all their efforts. The weddingchannel.com and the dreaded knot have boards by state that you could use.

    But, do let them know by a nice card that you're working on finding them a reliable sitter a.s.a.p. so that just in case they are "that way" (i.e. whatdoyoumeanmychildrenarentinvited!) they will know ahead of time before booking the trip.....remember there was a post about the same situation but from the parents' viewpoint a while back.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from christins. Show christins's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    The preferred hotel we are using for our wedding actually told us they can arrange for a babysitter in a particular guest's room or do group babysitting for several guests. I suggest checking with your hotel... I was surprised they offered that service! Not sure how much it costs, though.

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    Now that this thread has been bumped...is this something my FI and I should pay for?
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Our first uninvited guests!

    It is really up to you and your FI. In theory - no, you should not have to pay for babysitting your guests children, but in practicality it may be worth it for your piece of mind. Since your cousin is coming from out of state - I assume they will be staying at your hotel.
    If they are staying w/ family (maybe your aunt, uncle) - I would get in touch with those people and very casually ask, if they have thought of a babysitter for the children. At least that will set their mind in motion - that the children are not invited to the wedding - and they will spare you your headache and find a sitter themselves.


    [Quote]Now that this thread has been bumped...is this something my FI and I should pay for?[/Quote]
     
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