Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    i think the holidays are getting more stressful every year, especially if a couple is newly engaged or married, or if they're in a "blended family" situation.

    i also think the "first set" of holidays as a newly engaged/married/coupled couple is also stressful as its a "blending of lives"...and each person is used to celebrating holidays w/certain traditions & customs.

    is sick of the stores playing christmas music since the day after halloween, and the radio stations (both oldies 103 & wror 105.7) playing nothing but christmas music between now & christmas day...thanksgiving is still over a week away!

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    in alot of ways, evavase, you're right. one piece of advice my grandmother (my dad's mom) had doled out when she was alive was: don't give up seeing your family & friends after you're married.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from sulesq. Show sulesq's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    This is tough! And of course I would say "try to compromise", but that means not taking my own advice.

    I live in Michigan with FI. My parents live in MA. FI's parents live in Cleveland, but they go to FL for Thanksgiving.

    FI and I have been together for 7 years. We got engaged last April.

    I, like you Fool, am an only child. It's basically my parents and I. So, for me to not be home for both Christmas and Thanksgiving is difficult. FI is very close to his family. He has 1 brother. We have never spent Thanksgiving or Christmas together in 7 years. This year will not be any different. He goes to Florida with his family for Thanksgiving...this is their tradition. He goes to Cleveland for Christmas. I will be in Boston for both holidays. I really don't see this changing much until we have children. FI and I are both selfish when it comes to this issue. I have no interest in going to Florida for Thanksgiving. And he has no interest in opening presents with my parents on Christmas morning. In the future (after I get a set of dishes that match), I am hoping to host one of the holidays at our house..wherever we are.

    Funny...FI's mother commented that it will be nice to have me in Florida next year for Thanksgiving (after we are married)...And I am thinking to myself that it's not going to happen.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    I am serious when I say I wouldn't travel during the holidays for anything.

    If I lived in MI and my parents lived in MA - Christmas would be held via mail and telephone. (I lived in CA for many years and never traveled home to MA for the holidays.And now that we are here and his family is far away, we never even consider going there for holidays.)

    But, if you have the patience for holiday travel, and the time, it is nice to be with family. I am being sincere when I say, I'm surprised at all of you who do so much traveling during the holidays. We get together with family, but they live within 1/2 hour! Bless you all for your effort.

    Did your parents all travel to your grandparents' for holidays when you were kids? If so, which ones? How did your parents deal with this issue? (for our part, we stayed home and called. One grandmother would visit us every Thanksgiving. She visited her other son every Christmas and her daughter every Easter. It became a beloved Thanksgiving tradition to have her there.)

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    >>FI's mother commented that it will be nice to have me in Florida next year for Thanksgiving (after we are married)...<<

    Again with the presumptuous mother in laws! What is wrong with these women? It's like a disease...

    Yeah, but her Mother is probably thinking....next year they'll both be here in Mass! :)

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Oh traveling is a way of life for me :) Which is why I think it will be much easier for me than my FI his family (both Mother and Father's family) all live within 30 minutes of each other 40 tops.

    Thanksgiving- We went to my Mother's parents in NJ a 6+ hour drive (my Mom's sister's lived near their parents and now live with my Grammy). Left on Wednesday after school and returned on the following Monday, thank god that was a state holiday. Even now at 31 I can count on one hand the Thanksgivings that were not held in NJ and still have fingers left over.

    Christmas Eve - We went to my Father's family where all the aunts and uncles gathered a 1.5 hour drive

    Christmas Day -We stayed home

    Easter - My Mother's parents and her sisters would drive to PA a 6+ hour drive

    Memorial Day- Back to NJ :)

    Fourth of July - We held stuff at our house and my Dad's family came up 1.5 hour drive. We saw my Dad's family on random weekends as well, someone would call and we would do Sunday dinners at random intervals as well.

    So I guess that explains how they delt with and probably why I will be bummed about splitting my holidays but I have seen that as the example and will use that as a base and adjust as necessary.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Wendy - your parents did split their holidays. Thankgiving was her family and Christmas was his.

    It happens to all of us - it is just hard to get used to. (and hard, as we are hearing, to negotiate at first.)

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from sulesq. Show sulesq's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Last night, My dad was the one who actually said to me, "Well, I guess this will be your last year home for Thanksgiving since you'll be married next year." So at least he has no expectations.

    It was much more simple growing up. The farthest my parents ever had to drive on Christmas was to visit my dad's parents in Hopkinton...we lived in MIlford (this is like 5 miles). And my mom's dad was usually with us.

    All I know is...my flight leaves Detroit on Tuesday morning and I have an appointment at Vows at 3:00pm! I can't wait to come home! I miss Boston soooo.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from krazykitten218. Show krazykitten218's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Oh the can of worms thats opened when it comes to holidays. I'm an only child, DH has a brother who's newly engaged plus aunts and uncles he's extremely close with. And on top of that his parents are divorced, father remarried to the biggest psycho in the world (truly not exaggerating!!). This makes our holidays truly fun! To top it all off, my aunt (by marriage) is a eh hem..nasty person and refused to continue on with the xmas tradition my family has done my ENTIRE life! I've always done xmas morning at my fathers mothers house then we used to travel to my mothers mothers house. My GM (moms side) passed away some years ago so it was always still my other GM's house xmas morning. Now all of a sudden miss aunt thinks she steps in and runs the whole family and they're going with my two little cousins to GM's house xmas eve and whoever else is there gets to see the kids otherwise screw you basically. Same thing happened last year so I didn't get to see my cousins last year for xmas. Of course there's a whole underlying set of issues with her and family but in short, usually for xmas mainly, my DH and I have to finagle seeing my parents (Fitchburg), his dad (Arlington), usually his mom however she's moved out of state this year, and his aunts and uncles in NH and one closer to our house.

    You hate to say it makes you hate the holidays and forget what they truly mean but come on whatever happened to cooperation and compromise??!!

    Good luck to everyone figuring out where they'll be and when during this holiday season! At least we have each other to vent to about how unhappy and/or difficult the season is!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Splitting time is the subject of Dear Abby today.

    DEAR ABBY: This will be the fourth holiday season my boyfriend and Ihave shared together. We usually split Thanksgiving and Christmascelebrations between our two families, although not equally.

    Icome from a large family that understands the need to "share" me withmy boyfriend's family. My boyfriend comes from a small family; he isthe only child. Last Christmas, he was allowed to visit with my familyfor only 20 minutes.

    This Thanksgiving all six of my mother'ssiblings will be here with their families for the first time in fiveyears. My uncle, who is in the Air Force and is being sent to theMiddle East in December, will also be here. It is important to me thatmy boyfriend spend time with my family this Thanksgiving, but he alwaysknuckles under to the guilt trip from his mother.

    He says thatuntil he graduates from college, he has to live by their rules, but Ithink their rules are unreasonable. We want only two or three hourswith him. I don't think this is unreasonable. What do you think? --WANTS TO SHARE

    DEAR WANTS TO SHARE: I think your boyfriend'sparents are in for a rude awakening once he graduates from college. Butfor now they have their son under their thumb, so accept it. A wayaround this might be for your parents to invite your boyfriend AND hisparents to join you for Thanksgiving. For now, they are a package deal.


     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Congratulations! Good for you. You are starting your own tradition.Your families will come around. They may even enjoy not to have toentertain for Thanksgiving.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    My family was very small and only got together on major holidays, so there was no way I was going to miss any of the get togethers. He was welcome to come with me or go to his own family's events. I figure, I spend every day with him but got to see my relatives only rarely, so it didn't bother me if we were split up.

    I did the holidays as a single person for a zillion years, so it didn't bother me to be "temporarily single" again for one day here and there.

    And now that my family is gone, I'm even more grateful I spent all the holidays with them that I could.

    Everyone should do whatever works best for her (or him)....

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    I have bad visions of that woman as a MIL as well. I hope I am wrong.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ralphluv. Show ralphluv's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    That is just brutal...as someone who was completely surprised by the blessed event, I am so sorry you had to read that!

    You'll still be surprised!

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from hmm. Show hmm's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Tell you finace to "grow a pair" and stop being such a "Mama's Boy."

    When you decide to get engaged/married, you have to split up the holidays. And the fact that you are not guilting him into coming with you to your parents' house for T-Giving shows that YOU recognize how important to him his family is.

    This kind of behavior brings up another concern... Is throwing a fit when things don't go his way going to be the way he tackles problems that arise in the marriage?

    You shouldn't be the one who has to compromise on everything.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ralphluv. Show ralphluv's posts

    Semi OT - Splitting the Holidays

    Yeah after I posted that I realized what the point was...

    My FMIL is great but has been tough at the same time...and they aren't that close so I don't know what's going to happen. She thinks I'm bossy, which I am, but so is she so I think it's one of those "hate in others what we ourselves are..." or something...

    Good luck!

     
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